Something I’ve seen many times over the years over the years on television and the Internet is people saying that talking about one’s dreams makes one a bore. Basically what it all boils down to is the message that “Yeah, dreams are weird, we get it.” Well I hate to go against television and the Internet, but I am here to say that I totally like hearing about dreams. I often like hearing about dreams more than I like hearing about actual things that have happened to people.

Maybe somehow the complainers have just been so overwhelmed by descriptions of dreams that it has grown tiresome, but as someone who doesn’t do a whole lot of talking to people (and talking about dreams makes up such a small, small portion of that talking) this is not a problem for me. I love the surreality of dreams so much that my own occasionally remembered dreams are not enough to fill my interest. Hearing about good strangeness from the subconsciousnesses of others is the only way I can think to fill the void.

I’m not, however, one of those people who likes analyzing what the “symbols” in dreams mean. My dreams are typically so bizarre that I have doubt that any such meaning is in there. Plus, the oddness is what I like most about the dreams, so why ruin it?

With this in mind I’m going to repost something from the Contains2 era. Though the dream in question happened years earlier, I had discussed it often enough that the details were still fresh in my mind on Saturday 22 of June 2002 when I posted this:

The OJ Simpson Bus-Boat Dream

Okay, I had this dream once, years ago (I think it was in grade ten, so whichever year that was). I’ve had myself a lot of strange dreams (and it seems like 75% of them are set in malls, is there some sort of symbolism behind that?) but this dream is up there in it’s not being surreal, not just being wacky. I’ve told it to many people, and now I’m going to write it up here to prevent me from forgetting even more of it than I already have.

I don’t think it actually started at this point, but this is where my memories kick in:

I’m in my own house, and I’m a butler. I’m going through my various duties and I happen to look out my window. Just as it does in the real world the window has a view of the Atlantic Ocean. Out there, driving on the ocean at the horizon is a bus, which I immediately recognize as the OJ Simpson Bus-Boat. Not finding this at all strange, I go back to work.

But when I look out the window again, I see that the Bus-Boat has changed course. It’s heading directly for my house! I dive away from the window, and I hear the Bus-Boat crashing onto the area in front of my house.

Things get blurry right here again, but I think I talked to my parents for a few minutes about the Bus-Boat having crashed in front of our house. When my memory comes clear again…

A panoramic, birds-eye-view of the Bus-Boat (now that it is on land it’s a boat. A military ship actually, maybe even a carrier) as it is cordoned off by military personnel and helicopters circle it (military or media? I couldn’t tell you). It’s about the size that such a boat would really be, and takes up the length of my street (Himmelman Drive, Boy!). In the real world, the road is curved, but the boat manages just fine.

Things get blurry again and then me and a guy who I knew from school at the time are disguising ourselves as water deliverymen to sneak into the Bus-Boat. I don’t know what happened inside, but when we came out I had found a secret device: An Electric Arm!

I don’t think my memory is blurry here, I think the dream just skipped scenes and suddenly I was wearing the Electric Arm and leading a team of commandos or mercenaries or something. We’re fighting this ogre and he’s got us cornered on a winding staircase that has a big brass pole at its center. The ogre repeatedly charges at us and I hold him off by hitting him with the Electric Arm. Each time I strike the ogre numbers fly out of him and he moves back. Eventually we’re at the top of the stairs and the ogre is at the bottom resting against the brass pole. Brilliantly, I use my Electric Arm on the pole, sending a shock down and forcing the ogre to run away.

I think the dream went on, but that is all I can still remember. For a dream I had like six years ago, I think that’s pretty good. (Wow! I don’t even think I did the math wrong, I think it really has been six years since grade ten.)
If there is any meaning behind that dream, I certainly don’t get it.

A conversation between Kiiip and myself has recently made me realize that God existed before the Earth, so he is extraterrestrial, and thus an alien. Kiiip amended it to make it clear: He’s an Illegal Alien. God has no legal right to live here on Earth and he is taking our jobs and our women (our virgins, even). And then he had a kid, an anchor baby, to give him a credible claim to humanity. Go figure. We shoulda built a fence.

Haiku!

I see frankensteins.
They’re coming for me. Oh no.
I must run away!

Not much of note just now. Trying to get more things done at once than I’m actually getting done. To make things worse, Marq is again Internetless. I’m going to have to find some superior way of making us millionaires. A quicker way.

At this exact moment I’m weighing the pros and cons of taking a nap. Cons are currently winning, but my eyelids are really filibustering here.

Hey, a few days ago was Groundhog Day. I didn’t consciously know it was coming, but I must have subconsciously, because my dream the night before had Bill Murray in it. So that’s neat.

I’ve awakened from a dream involving me and several other people I don’t think really exist going on a rescue mission to some island. I had to keep the crew in line by shooting them in the face with a pellet gun, though this left the pilot with a smoldering hatred of me, so when it came time to clean the roadkill off the plane so we could take off again he made sure I was forced to do it. It may seem strange that we had roadkill on the plane, but we actually did spend more time driving it on the ground than flying. Also I apparently smoked in the dream, but the pilot rigged up the cigarette lighter on the plane so it melted my cigarettes. Also one of the rescue team was a lesbian and the pilot made no less than three jokes about dropping her off at the isle of Lesbos. Also, for a rescue mission, I don’t remember actually rescuing anyone.

I consider this a strange dream that I had.

Haiku!

Namor watched the sky.
Somewhere up there was a blimp.
He plans to punch it.

Speaking of flying, if I ever happen to fall into a vat of cream of wheat and end up with Superman-style flying powers, I would find some long rigid wires and attach them to my shoulders pointing straight up. That way, when I fly, it will look like I’m on strings. I believe in messing with people.

In the interest if keeping track of all the dream cliches I manage to experience I will point out that I had a nap today in which I dreamed my teeth were falling out. I’ve always heard that that is one of the very most popular dreams people can have, but I’d never had one so far as I can remember.

Full disclosure: My teeth didn’t actually fall out, but they were trying to and I had to keep my jaw clenched so they would stay where they are. I was all talking through my teeth while trying to arrange a dental appointment. That counts right? Right? Yeah, probably that counts.

So it has been about nine months since my last post. The reason being: I was adopted by pirates. That, or it’s been a few weeks and I’ve just been lazy. Though I can use the slowness of my spyware filled browser as part of an excuse…

Now, on a daily basis I come up with fascinating things to write about on my little journal thing (and as you readers know, on a bi-annual basis I actually get around to posting one!) so let’s see if I can’t remember some of the things that occurred to me over the past few weeks, lest this become yet another post in which my only content is a reflection of the lack of content.

Winter has hit us here in Hali-town. We’ve had several snowfalls already. We’ve probably already had a quarter or more of the total snows we had last year, which I don’t remember being quite so busy. I have noted that these days any time it snows is referred to as a
“snowstorm”. It’s never just snowing anymore, it’s always a “snowstorm” and the whole city shuts down and schools are cancelled and people start crashing their cars all over the place and all that. I think back to my childhood and remember us actually getting far more snow and the city not breaking down. My question is: Has the snow actually somehow become more violent even though it usually clears up before we get towering snowbanks, or has the city just become one big collective weather wuss?

It also occurred to me at one point during these weeks that I don’t know my own age as readily as a person is probably supposed to do. I have to think about it longer that I probably should. Is that a bad thing? A plus side is that I’ll be thinking about how I’m twenty-eight and then realize, oh wait, I’m not twenty-eight yet and won’t be for over half of a year and it’s like for a moment I got a free bonus year.

Haiku!

My suicide tooth.
I can break it when I want.
But can it break me?

A few weeks back there was a night when I only three hours of sleep (actually there have been several like that since my last post, but I’m talking of a specific one). The thing is, the dream I had felt like it took at least three hours if not longer. I understand the thing about dreaming actually taking place in a shorter amount of time than it feels, but it really felt like I’d been dreaming longer than I’d been asleep. Anyway, the dream was about me conducting job interviews for some position that doesn’t exist in reality at some business that doesn’t exist in reality. I apparently had two openings and four applicants (three women, one man). Over the course of the interviews it occurred to me that the man was a complete moron and that I’d two of the women would be getting the jobs and I was starting to get worried that people would talk about me filling the business with just women (you know, like “Look at PDR over there building himself a little harem…”) and I was spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how to do it tactfully. It wasn’t easy considering I had been conducting the interviews in a crowded cafeteria with each of the applicants sitting at a different crowded table but totally able to hear the other interviews. At any rate, I managed to awake before I actually had to do anything. For the record, the third woman who was interviewed was also a moron.

Also for the record, outside of the dream, my harem is totally hiring.

I was going to do some commentary on Christmas as well while I was here, but this is long enough and why waste the content of a post I could do “tomorrow” right?