A conversation between Kiiip and myself has recently made me realize that God existed before the Earth, so he is extraterrestrial, and thus an alien. Kiiip amended it to make it clear: He’s an Illegal Alien. God has no legal right to live here on Earth and he is taking our jobs and our women (our virgins, even). And then he had a kid, an anchor baby, to give him a credible claim to humanity. Go figure. We shoulda built a fence.

Haiku!

I see frankensteins.
They’re coming for me. Oh no.
I must run away!

Not much of note just now. Trying to get more things done at once than I’m actually getting done. To make things worse, Marq is again Internetless. I’m going to have to find some superior way of making us millionaires. A quicker way.

At this exact moment I’m weighing the pros and cons of taking a nap. Cons are currently winning, but my eyelids are really filibustering here.

Hey, a few days ago was Groundhog Day. I didn’t consciously know it was coming, but I must have subconsciously, because my dream the night before had Bill Murray in it. So that’s neat.

Back when Geocities decided to commit suicide and take all our hard work with it, I lamented the death of my first website, the Adam West Batcave, but I’m just remembering something else that Geocities took too. I had once created a website devoted to telling the world that Patrick D Ryall sucks.

I think I called the site “geocities.com/pdrsucks/” and on it I wrote from the point of view of a person who supposedly knew me in school and had an intense distaste for me. I’m pretty sure I only got a few paragraphs of insane ranting done, but I had always planned to get back to it. Unfortunately, as time passed, I forgot about it. It likely would have come back to me at some point, but then I forgot about it when it mattered most, at the end of the Geocities era. When I got everything from the Batcave, I forgot to get to pdrsucks and save what I had done. I could have transferred it to some blog somewhere or something. So now all that is lost. I never linked to the site anywhere, because it wasn’t finished, so I doubt it exists in any cache online anywhere. It is lost to the ages.

I remember I told Kiiip about it as I was doing it, but I never told Marq. In fact, the entire reason I was building a site about how much I suck was because I hoped, someday, it would get into search engines Marq would stumble across it and be amazed. But now that will never happen…

So anyway, Marq, now you know. Maybe my finally telling you this could be considered your birthday gift since I got you zero ones for your actual birthday last weekend?

I had a dream I was back in New York last week. It was pretty sweet. So anyway, here’s some more memories of my trip there in November:

Around Central Park, some guy came up to me and told me he was selling a CD he’d made. I figured, hey, I could give that to Marq, I could. He’s the type of guy what would be interested in music stuff some random guy came up with (Kiiip meanwhile got a keychain with a sexy fireman). Anyway, here is what the album cover looked like:

So anyway, I paid five or seven bucks (I don’t remember which) and that was that. Eventually I came home and since I didn’t see Marq for like a month after my return, the CD just sat on my filing cabinet innocently. Then, when I finally do see him and give it to him, he tries it and finds out that it is way blank. It’s a blank CD. Guy is totally just scamming folk into buying a blank CD.

It’s a brilliant scheme, really. Buy a stack of CDs, throw some album cover on there and tell people you made some music. But what really makes it work is the bizarre and even confusing level of detail. The fact that he threw a twitter address on there? That’s awesome. The adorable little kid holding something (a cucumber?) and apparently having been awarded second place in some event (cucumber championship?) is also pleasing because of how nonsensical it was. And the fact it is labelled “Part 2” (or is that Part 0.2?). It is so much detail for a completely pointless cover. You could get as much of an effect with an album cover consisting of white text on a black background, probably, but this guy went above and beyond.

I can even forgive “alot” being one word and “N” being used for “and”. The whole money-grubbing theme of the title, which I had considered unfortunate at first, makes perfect sense as part of the scam. Basically, I’m saying, this being a scam is probably a far better present for Marq than an actual CD would have been.

The only drawback I can see is that maybe he will make people less trusting of actual people trying to sell actual music they’ve actually made. But y’know what? Screw those guys. They should stop trying to live their dream and get jobs that will help society. Like selling neckties or something.

Anyway, while I’m on the topic of my trip, I remembered something else that occurred while I was in New York. It goes a little something like a this:

I was at FAO Schwartz (the toy store where Big danced on a big keyboard) and I saw massive Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for sale. Like, huge. When I picked it up, it was heavier than a hardcover phone book. It was two cups, each the size of one of those frozen chicken pies they have at the grocery store. So, I saw these and I was like “I’m buying that thing and I’m going to eat it with my mouth!” so I took it and when I got to the register I was told it would cost like TWENTY-FIVE Dollars!!! (!) Now, I ask you. What is the real scam here, that guy selling the fake album, or candy so prohibitively expensive that it makes any hatred that poor countries feel toward us entirely justified?

Anyway, I still bought it of course. The day that I got it, one of them was the only thing I ate, it filled me so much. It was deliciously disgusting. If you ever want to cure someone of a Reese addiction, force them to eat one of those. By the end of that first cup, I never wanted to eat another item of food in my life. With the second cup I took my time and it lasted a couple more days and didn’t make me hate myself as much. So twenty-five bucks is one expensive candy, but it did last three days. Weigh the options and see which is more important to you. I think I can only give Giant Reese’s Cups Three out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake, because that’s about a perfect representation of their balance between horrible and wonderful.

So, for two weekends in a row I have tried to see Captain America in movie form, but it has not worked out. And now it doesn’t seem to be playing on my side of town. I would not be surprised if the movie isn’t even around next weekend, so I may have missed my chance. Alas.

However, Kiiip and I did go see Fright Night tonight. I enjoyed it enough that I’ll give this movie Three and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. I like to see vampires treated as threats individually instead of as being chumps mowed down en masse by an Action Hero like Blade or Buffy (though I like both Blade and Buffy, those are the examples I’m giving here). While this movie is still more action movie than horror movie, that’s what I expected from it, so that was okay. David Tennant was in here. I like that. There could have been more of him, but all in all, if you’re willing to enjoy this kind of movie, this is the kind of movie I think you’ll enjoy.

It is worth noting that apart from the two of us, there were four other people in the theatre. This breaks the low-times record previously set at six when Marq and I saw Tenacious D. Granted we went to an afternoon showing because Kiiip loves making me wake up early and this is kind of a night-time movie, but it still can’t be good to have six people in a theatre on any showing on an opening weekend.

“They keep coming up with these stupid computer things. There should be one damn computer thing, that’s it!”
– Robert Freeman

So now I’m on Google Plus. I remember when Facebook was new, people kept using it and I didn’t bother joining up. Then I joined up and now I like it. I don’t do much with it. I can send messages to people in a more efficient form than my email and I can play Scrabble and also there’s a program where I can keep track of books as I read them that’s pretty neat. I have no problem with Facebook. But some people do. They wanted something different so now Google Plus happened. I probably wouldn’t have joined, but Kiiip sent me an invite so I figured, why not?

And now I’m on two different social media things. I was never on the Myspace or the Twitter. I feel like it’s going to get all complicated and I’ll have to start putting more mental effort into it and that’s going to cause social anxiety. Like real life! And if computer-type socializing starts becoming as bad for me as real-life socializing? What then? What’s the point? Argh.

Ah well. I’m on there now, so we’ll see what happens.