New Sentences!

In the interest of bulking up the amount of content I got onto the site before the year end, here is a bunch of sentences. BUT NOT JUST ANY SENTENCES! This is a list of sentences that, according to Google, are not appearing anywhere else on the Internet and therefore I am cool and original for having thought of them.

Go!:

  • “Never trust the gerbil.”
  • “Humans should colonize Earth.”
  • “Do beavers know what time it is?”
  • “Let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “Don’t let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “The doctor told me not to touch a butt.”
  • “Shut up about igloos!”
  • “My philtrum is just right.”
  • “Schools need to teach about trilobites.”
  • “The best movies are long movies.”
  • “Osmosis was invented by frogs.”
  • “The internet has sentences on it.”

There! I’m done! What more do you need?

Patrick D Ryall: Star Quarterback

So, as I have done in the past, I felt like looking myself up on the Google today. This site still doesn’t appear as the top result for me, but my Twitter feed does. So that’s good. But the important thing is that I found this: A website that seems to think I was a star quarterback because I used the term on my website one time. I am perfectly happy with that.

During my extensive football career, I backed many quarters, but I will always remember the big game. It was the Murphy’s Cup Playoff Bowl and we were down by nine runs in the ninth period. The point guard was in the penalty box for stealing a base, so we were down to five men and had to get the ball from the three point line to the net before the end of the inning or we’d be facing a dreaded seven-ten split. I was open, so the goalie threw me the ball. I zig-zagged my way across the court, avoiding tackles like I was a man of pure speed. The crowd was on their feet in anticipation, someone threw an octopus onto the ice but I dodged it. Finally, there I was, face to face with the opposing goalie. He was a big hunk of a man, a Samoan I think, at least a head taller than me, and probably twice as wide. I lined up my punt and kicked: The goalie dove for it, but it was high. It was good! GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL! The crowd roared! The cheerleaders did a cheer and Coach Bronson cried a single tear.

Clearly my life after that game has been a downhill spiral. Oh well. That’s how it goes.

Hourly Comics

So now that I’m Twitter I know more about what people on the Internet are doing. I guess one of the things that people are doing today is hourly comics. That is to say, they are creating a comic strip to chronicle each hour of their day. I can do that. So I did:

Anyway, that will do. I’ve had better days, but I’ve had worse too.

Break’s Broken

So it’s back to school tomorrow. I feel like this is going to be a very busy couple of months. I guess that if dumbass stupid moron kids can do it every year, someone awesome and coolsmart like me should do alright, though. Right? This is jest, of course, but I did kinda get through my first semester with a feeling that I can half-ass it and still do alright. Here’s hoping this second semester doesn’t shatter that illusion. Anyway, hopefully I won’t be too distracted from the site during that time.

Haiku!

Spaceships are not real.
It’s all a Communist lie.
There ain’t no spaceships.

Also, we’ve got our first real stickaround snowfall in the city for this Winter. So now I’ll be trudgin’ through that on my way to school. Just great. Just great.

Also, I need to mention this: My Internet is getting so slow. I have no idea why, but for months it’s been getting slower and slower and now it’s just painful. I don’t know who I’m supposed to punch to fix it, so if anyone knows, just fill me in.

Punch All Persons

Hey, why not talk about the spam? I used to complain about the spam in my comments all the time and I don’t want people wondering what happened to that plot thread. So here’s the deal: Back in the day I was manually fighting the spam myself, deleting the comments as they came in. When it got to be hundreds a day, I was goin’ nuts. But then Marq, my man behind the scenes, hooked me up with Akismet, some sort of program thing especially designed for the dealing-with of spam! How convenient.

So anyway, it seems to be working super well. As of the moment I am writing this, it is telling me that it has “protected (my) site from 22,643 spam comments already.” And the really impressive thing, to me anyway, is that the spam is slowing down. The robots behind it all are finally getting the point that I didn’t want them doing it on my web site. Isn’t technology grand? And also ungrand since it caused the problem in the first place?

Haiku!

I smell the ganja.
It’s wafting through the window
from some other realm.

Is that how “ganja” is spelled? My spellcheck seems to think so, but I’m no expert on the reefers and my spellcheck has steered me wrong in the past. It doesn’t even recognize the word “spellcheck”.

In other news, Marq is working harder than ever on the site. He’s got buttons and banners coming and going. Basically, just accept any changes you see over the next while for what they are, the hard work of one of the people on the site, but not the other.