I mean “why he hates Mondays” but it could read like “why he hates his parents” and I stand by BOTH THEORIES.

Theory: Garfield’s parents died on a Monday, which is why he hates them in spite of the fact he has no job.

When I am inadvertently catapulted to international infamy and reporters comb through my tweets to see if there were warning signs, I just want to remind everyone that I was stone-cold sober for every dumb post I made.

Bloodsport: Superman’s Gun-Havingest Villain

Bloodsport is a relatively minor Superman villain. Actually, Bloodsport is three relatively minor Superman villains. We’re going to ignore the second Bloodsport for now (I’ll possibly do a whole post on him in the future), but the first and third are very similar, so I’ll talk about them today.

Bloodsport’s deal is that he is a militaristic type who can summon any gun he can imagine to appear in his hands. It isn’t easy being a gun-themed villain when your protagonist enemy has this whole iconic thing where he’s bulletproof. Good thing Bloodsport can whip up weird sci-fi guns.

The first Bloodsport was named Michael DuBois and the third never really got a real name. They both looked the same, being black men whose costumes were mostly just red bandana mask things. The thing is that the DuBois version of the character was written off fairly early and I suspect that part of that was that he was given an overly complicated backstory I don’t even feel like getting into right now but which limited his use in stories. The third Bloodsport took the right tack for the character: He’s just a mercenary villain who shows up now and then when such a villain is needed. If it were up to me, we’d cut the chaff and we’d have Bloodsport be Michael DuBois and he’d just be a mercenary type villain. Well guess what! That’s how the Supergirl show went with it when they had him show up! Well done, Supergirl show.

But the Supergirl show did not have him with his powers. Without being able to summon guns, there isn’t much to Bloodsport. But then, I’m not thrilled with how those powers have existed in the comics either. In his first appearance, Bloodsport’s weapons were teleported in from a stash somewhere far away (Luthor owned it, I think). In spite of DuBois’s claims above, if the weapons exist before he summons them, he can’t really summon ANY weapon he can imagine. They have to already exist. And also, that first appearance showed how Superman was easily able to counter the teleportation anyway. Bloodsport as he is doesn’t seem like much of a threat. I’ll now fix that.

First, I’d cut the teleportation angle. My Bloodsport would instead have nanotechnology coursing through his bloodstream that he can control to grow weapons at will. The first way this improves the character is that it ties into the word “Blood” appearing in his terribly generic mercenary villain name. But also this way we actually could make the claim that any weapon he can come up with on the fly. And, I gotta be honest, if we’re going to have one Superman few black villains be a gun-toting guy, we should at least have him be a skillful and imaginative designer of weapons.

Anyway, here’s some cool weapons Bloodsport could use:

  • A sniper rifle where the red light is capable of making a weak spot in a Kryptonian’s skin.
  • Like a flamethrower, but instead of fire it shoots molten lead that could harden on Superman’s face obscuring his x-ray vision.
  • Bullets full of werewolf serum that turn Jimmy Olsen into a werewolf if he gets to much as scratched.
  • A gun that fires a weighted chain to attach to victims and pull them off a roof so Superman has to abandon a chase to save them.

And so on.

I like how even though Twitter has been full of terrible content forever, the thing that is helping wean me off of it is actually design choices they make for themselves.