Today I went and got my hair cut. A memory of my youth returned to me. At a haircutting place that I was brought as a child, children were encouraged to, once the cut was over, pick up a bit of their hair from the floor and place it in a little box. You would close the box and the “Hair Fairy” would take your hair and replace it with a cheap toy like you’d get in one of those twenty-five cent vending machines. Obviously the hair just fell into the device (probably into a bag if the people who made it had any sense) and the toy would fall out from some other place which was no doubt a heavenly reservoir of cheap toys and I don’t think that even in my youngest days I believed in the Hair Fairy because the mechanism was so obvious looking. But I believe in the Hair Fairy now. Because someone should.

Maybe I’d get my hair cut a little more often if I still had such awesome reasons to do so.

I admit I am kind of wary of looking up “Hair Fairy” in Google, however. I don’t even want to know where that could lead.

In other news, I took a trip across town to Future Shop today with intent to buy the latest season of the Venture Brothers and use up some of the many Future Shop gift cards I have accumulated over the last few years worth of Christmases and Birthdayses. The bad news is that there was no Venture Brothers season three (or any Venture Bros. at all, it is sad to say) but the good news is that even after a bit of a spending spree I still have eighty-eight dollars worth of gift certified at Future Shop. Not bad.

Haiku!

Captain Amsterdam!
A frog with a heart of gold.
And twice the power.

I have decided that there must be a holiday about index fingers. Perhaps a day when we’re not allowed to use our index fingers for anything, just to remind us how useful such fingers are. And people who have lost their index fingers can speak at big public events. And those foam fingers from sports can be made into decorations for our houses. Someone should get working on that.

So it has been about nine months since my last post. The reason being: I was adopted by pirates. That, or it’s been a few weeks and I’ve just been lazy. Though I can use the slowness of my spyware filled browser as part of an excuse…

Now, on a daily basis I come up with fascinating things to write about on my little journal thing (and as you readers know, on a bi-annual basis I actually get around to posting one!) so let’s see if I can’t remember some of the things that occurred to me over the past few weeks, lest this become yet another post in which my only content is a reflection of the lack of content.

Winter has hit us here in Hali-town. We’ve had several snowfalls already. We’ve probably already had a quarter or more of the total snows we had last year, which I don’t remember being quite so busy. I have noted that these days any time it snows is referred to as a
“snowstorm”. It’s never just snowing anymore, it’s always a “snowstorm” and the whole city shuts down and schools are cancelled and people start crashing their cars all over the place and all that. I think back to my childhood and remember us actually getting far more snow and the city not breaking down. My question is: Has the snow actually somehow become more violent even though it usually clears up before we get towering snowbanks, or has the city just become one big collective weather wuss?

It also occurred to me at one point during these weeks that I don’t know my own age as readily as a person is probably supposed to do. I have to think about it longer that I probably should. Is that a bad thing? A plus side is that I’ll be thinking about how I’m twenty-eight and then realize, oh wait, I’m not twenty-eight yet and won’t be for over half of a year and it’s like for a moment I got a free bonus year.

Haiku!

My suicide tooth.
I can break it when I want.
But can it break me?

A few weeks back there was a night when I only three hours of sleep (actually there have been several like that since my last post, but I’m talking of a specific one). The thing is, the dream I had felt like it took at least three hours if not longer. I understand the thing about dreaming actually taking place in a shorter amount of time than it feels, but it really felt like I’d been dreaming longer than I’d been asleep. Anyway, the dream was about me conducting job interviews for some position that doesn’t exist in reality at some business that doesn’t exist in reality. I apparently had two openings and four applicants (three women, one man). Over the course of the interviews it occurred to me that the man was a complete moron and that I’d two of the women would be getting the jobs and I was starting to get worried that people would talk about me filling the business with just women (you know, like “Look at PDR over there building himself a little harem…”) and I was spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how to do it tactfully. It wasn’t easy considering I had been conducting the interviews in a crowded cafeteria with each of the applicants sitting at a different crowded table but totally able to hear the other interviews. At any rate, I managed to awake before I actually had to do anything. For the record, the third woman who was interviewed was also a moron.

Also for the record, outside of the dream, my harem is totally hiring.

I was going to do some commentary on Christmas as well while I was here, but this is long enough and why waste the content of a post I could do “tomorrow” right?

Can anyone tell me why there’s no robots in the White House? If it were up to me there’d be a high-tech android from the future answering phones. Or at the very least one of those car manufacturing arm robots should be in charge of defense.

Haiku!

With cybernetics
we find hope. Robots are here.
Let’s give them sprockets.

Are there really sprocket companies like on the Jetsons? I hope so. I want to live in the future.

Hey, guess what. It’s a little known holiday called Halloween. I love when that happens, even if I’m not doing anything to celebrate it this year, really.

Haiku!

The ghosts are coming.
You ask why. I will tell you:
I told them to come.

Of course, Halloween has its down side. All those kids who will end up sacrificing themselves to Satan. What a waste. They could have sacrificed themselves to me instead…

Though I work tonight, I think I’ll try to watch some Halloween-appropriate movies this weekend.

I’ve complained about linear time being too fast for my liking and I’ve complained about not having anything interesting to write about. Those are my standard things I blame not writing here more on. Today I’m gonna blame something else: I was abducted by aliens. It isn’t necessarily true, but it’s good to have some variety in my excuses.

There were a couple questionnaires in the newspaper today. One for how depressed you are, one for how stressed out you are. According to the stress one, I’m living a good life. According to the depression one, I should be seeking medical help. Sounds about like I suspected.

Haiku!

Aboard the spaceship.
All the aliens were sad.
They had no robots.

The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. That’s what I’m listening to right now. Good song. One of my favorites probably. I remember I looked it up on the Wikipedia once and it said it was supposed to be about the way the nation felt after JFK was shot, but it doesn’t sound right to me. If I were to pick my meaning, I would say it sounds more like a warning against people letting their interactions become hollow and meaningless.

But all of that and I still get the words mixed up in my head and replace them with “‘Your exploits have been sad and boring. They tell a tale that’s worth ignoring. When you’re alone, the words of your story will echo down the resthome hall” from the Simpsons. Ah the Simpsons. Good stuff.