A few years back I did a post full of sentences that, according to search engine searching, did not exist on the Internet until I bravely created them. I’m doing it again! More sentences!

Go!:

• “We need more rocketship movies.”
• “Tomorrow is just later today if you don’t sleep.”
• “I could probably make it rain if I wanted.”
• “What’s your favourite type of chain link fence?”
• “The stealth bomber was invented by ninjas.”
• “I burned down my castle for the insurance money.”
• “The light is always greener on the other side of the tunnel.”
• “Most operas don’t end with a car chase.”
• “Grapes can be your best friend, if you let them.”
• “The devil knows how to build a rowboat.”
• “I’m falling in love with this luggage.”
• “The internet has more sentences on it.”

There! I’ve added to the wealth of humanity’s knowledge!

In the interest of bulking up the amount of content I got onto the site before the year end, here is a bunch of sentences. BUT NOT JUST ANY SENTENCES! This is a list of sentences that, according to Google, are not appearing anywhere else on the Internet and therefore I am cool and original for having thought of them.

Go!:

• “Never trust the gerbil.”
• “Humans should colonize Earth.”
• “Do beavers know what time it is?”
• “Let Jesus bake the cake.”
• “Don’t let Jesus bake the cake.”
• “The doctor told me not to touch a butt.”
• “Shut up about igloos!”
• “My philtrum is just right.”
• “Schools need to teach about trilobites.”
• “The best movies are long movies.”
• “Osmosis was invented by frogs.”
• “The internet has sentences on it.”

There! I’m done! What more do you need?

So, I was born premature so my birthday was last month, but August 18th is the day I was due to be born, right? So it is still kind of a notable day for me. The thing is that I now know at least four people born on August 18th? Why is that day so important? Why were parents of people I know now boning so much in November back in the early 1980s? What is the secret of this day? Probably there isn’t one, but I find it to be a neat coincidence anyway.

Haiku!

Bidul waggle sna.
Those are just some syllables.
Meaningless. Like life.

So, what else? I can’t think of anything else to say and I gotta go to work. So shut up and go away!

I have purchased and partially eaten something called an “apple pie cake”. I am sad to report that it is not as good as one might hope from something by that name. Ah well, at least now I can say I tried it. In fact, I think I just did.

Nothing much else to say today, except that we’ve reached the part of the year when my apartment gets uncomfortably hot and it causes me to lose sleep. This will likely cause me to post more stupid, fog-brained thoughts on my website. In fact, I think I just did.

Dear My MP3 Player,

I lost you on the bus, I think, or maybe when I was just getting onto the bus. My MP3 player, I assure you that it wasn’t intentional. I had you playing, as I always did, and a song had just ended as I was getting on the bus, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t hear music for a moment, but then when I didn’t hear a song start up again, I checked for you and only found the end of the headphone cord. You were gone. Maybe you caught on something as I stepped onto the bus and fell onto the ground. I couldn’t find you on the floor of the bus.

You may have been an old MP3 player that I would often find reason to complain about. You had no option to play randomly and you had to spend three minutes “updating” every time I recharged you. But you were purple, which was cool. And you took a lot of damage, which is a useful skill for anything I own. You served me well for several years and now I miss you.

But that isn’t the main reason for this letter, MP3 Player. The main thing I need to say is that you are an MP3 Player, you can not read letters. Please stop reading this. It is freakin’ me out. Stop it.

Yours ponderously,
Patrick D Ryall