Beekeeper Review: Elizabeth Boyd and Bill Chalmers

“Between two beekeepers there can be no strife. Not even a tepid hostility can mar their perfect communion.
The petty enmities which life raises to be barriers between man and man and between man and woman vanish once it is revealed to them that they are linked by this great bond. Envy, malice, hatred, and all uncharitableness disappear, and they look into each other’s eyes and say ‘My brother!”

Uneasy Money is a novel by P. G. Wodehouse and, like most of his works, it is a farcical comedy. Unlike too many of his (and everyone’s) works, this is a story about beekeepers. The fact that they are beekeepers is not particularly relevant to the plot, so I’d hoped I could go into detail without giving much away, in case anyone wanted to check out Wodehouse (which they ought) and decided to do it through a work not related to his more well-known franchises. But I do kind of need to spoil a bit here. There are two beekeepers in this book and they fall in love. I admit that’s a pretty big spoiler, but I assure you there are jokes and misunderstandings that will get a reader through the story even knowing the ending.

Elizabeth Boyd is an American beekeeper, but she isn’t making much money at it. “She had not prospered greatly. With considerable trouble she contrived to pay her way, and that was all.” On top of running her bee farm in Brookport, Long Island, she also has to take care of her loser brother Nutty. She’s a hard working, nice young woman.

William FitzWilliam Delamere Chalmers is an English lord (albeit one of the poorest of them) who enjoys beekeeping. He worked for a year on a bee farm until his lack of money and the response of his peers. “The general impression seemed to be that I should be foolish to try anything so speculative as beekeeping, so it fell through. Some very decent old boys got me another job.” Luckily, by the end of the book, Bill and Elizabeth are off to be wed and buy a big farm of their own. He’s a particularly nice guy, if a bit dim.

How do they rate as beekeepers? Well, Elizabeth is the only one employed as such during the events of the novel, and she admits her business just barely scrapes by. It isn’t for lack of trying, though. Any success she has at the job comes from natural aptitude, for she “loved bees, but she was not an expert on them” and she has “reached a stage of intimacy with her bees which rendered a veil a superfluous precaution.” Bill may not keep bees during the story, but at the very least he has a year of experience and no fear of the insects. He is capable of the job. And what of fighting? Well, it isn’t the kind of story where they get to do much fighting, but Bill is often described as a physically fit and even imposing figure. It isn’t his nature, but I suspect that if he had to fight, he’d do alright. Also of note: on one occasion, when wanting to inflict some minor pain to Bill, Elizabeth pokes him with a pin, which is on brand as a stinger. Maybe she’d do more with that motif in a fight. Any supernatural powers? Nothing significant, though there is one moment when Elizabeth is trying to hide something from a snooping reporter and one of her bees “stung him at the psychological moment” which could be coincidence, but also could be a bee knowingly doing its keeper’s bidding.

Beekeeper Rage? Well, Elizabeth at one point notes how quickly she goes from being unhappy that her brother may come into some money he will surely misuse, to “boil[ing] with rage” when he doesn’t get it. She knows it is inconsistent, but the rage is still there. But also “it was a trait in her character which she had often lamented, that she could not succeed in keeping angry with anyone for more than a few minutes on end.” So there isn’t too much Rage to be had.

Three Honeycombs out of Five.

Super Sunday: Superhero Aliens

If I’m going to be doing another year of creating aliens, and I am, I am going to have to mix it up from time to time to keep my interest up. This month, I’m going to retrace my steps, going through all the previous Super Sunday themes, but with aliens. This week, Superheroes:

Power Pllvm

A young Pllvm named Vmplupl was roaming through a coral forest one day when she discovered a cave that she had never seen before. Looking inside, she found a glowing rock that pulsated with otherworldly energy. Though fascinated by the sight of the beautiful stone, Vmplupl soon fell unconscious. When she awoke, she had drifted some way away from the cave, only to return and find the rock gone. The energy of the stone, however, seemed to live on inside Vmplupl’s body. She soon discovered that she had gained amazing speed, strength, durability, and other powers. Using these powers to fight crime and avert disasters, Vmplupl has become known as the Power Pllvm, a champion for the downtrodden and the weak.

Universe: Blue

Graats

Graats is the product of selective breeding and experimental nurturing and the best training that money can buy. He is the ultimate Dellwellian soldier, the very peak of combat on this world. Graats served as a loyal grunt for the army that created him, but only because they were fighting enemies that he decided were worthy of being fought. Once they tried to send him against foes that seemed innocent. After that, Graats chose to leave the army and if they thought they could stop him, he said, they were welcome to try. Now Graats makes it his business to bring down criminal organizations that specialize in things like assassination.

Universe: Orange

Shrog Manthott

Shrog Manthott is a member of the Myriad Worlds Police Service, which is a law-enforcement agency that not only serves many planets, but also traverses universes to make sure no multi-universal threats can rise to threaten all of existence. Armed with a highly durable shield (that contains incredible computing) devices and a whip-like weapon/restraint that responds to his thoughts, Manthott can face all manner of supervillainous threats. Manthott is a no-nonsense, business-minded, by-the-books cop and respects jurisdiction, so when travelling to a world that is not under MWPS purview, such as Earth, his abilities are limited. But that doesn’t mean he’ll give up. Shrog Manthott will keep doing his job until the moment he dies.

Universe: From beyond the Local Multiverse, but living in Universe White

2017 Ender

The year of 2016 is coming to a close and the Dark Lord Char’Nagh is here to demolish what came before and hopefully replace it with something better. Hail the Darkness of Char’Nagh!

“This is definitely the year that Secret Government Robots will be ending,” I wrote last year. Oops. I am afraid that after the monetary issues that started my year, I fell out of the habit of doing the comic, and never really got back into it. It’s been a rough year in many ways and I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked. The only real upside, if it can be called that, is that it seems like it has been a rough year for a lot of people, so if nothing else, I am kind of in the zeitgeist. That counts for something, right? Right?

Anyway, I’m going to hopefully get SecGov done for real this year. I’ve actually got about fifty pages pencilled that I “just” need to scan, ink, color, and letter. But that fifty is, I estimate, only about half of what is left. But once I start getting them online, they’ll all follow. Otherwise, what creative energies I did expend in 2016 have been on projects that don’t really have any immediate payoff (as well as the creation of a host of alien species that nobody but me has any interest in). Ideally, in 2017 I will get SecGov done so that, if nothing else, I can feel less guilty when I work on other things. I’ve said it before, but it is a good thing I don’t have an audience craving this stuff or I’d feel even more pressure.

Haiku!

Potatoes for sale!
Get your fresh potatoes here!
But them, you morons!

In other news, the little add-on thing that was putting my Twitter posts onto this site seems to have ceased to function and I have no idea how to replace it. Without those little blurbs, this site seems to have even less content than I can condone. I guess I will have to start to try doing little post here now and then too. Geez. So much work.

Anyway, 2017. Let’s go.

New Sentences!

In the interest of bulking up the amount of content I got onto the site before the year end, here is a bunch of sentences. BUT NOT JUST ANY SENTENCES! This is a list of sentences that, according to Google, are not appearing anywhere else on the Internet and therefore I am cool and original for having thought of them.

Go!:

  • “Never trust the gerbil.”
  • “Humans should colonize Earth.”
  • “Do beavers know what time it is?”
  • “Let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “Don’t let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “The doctor told me not to touch a butt.”
  • “Shut up about igloos!”
  • “My philtrum is just right.”
  • “Schools need to teach about trilobites.”
  • “The best movies are long movies.”
  • “Osmosis was invented by frogs.”
  • “The internet has sentences on it.”

There! I’m done! What more do you need?