In the interests of obsessively cataloguing every detail of my life onto this site (which I have not been doing well enough lately) I want to report that on Tuesday, I took a night off work so that Marq and I could go to see comedian Dylan Moran as he begins a tour of Canada here in Halifax. I had a good time. Moran’s comedy consists of surreal tangents surrounding world-weary witticisms. In short, it appeals to me very much.

Sadly, though, I feel like the show didn’t sell out the way it deserved to. Looking behind me, I saw an awful lot of empty seats. Kinda made me feel like the city had let him down. I got to thinking, though, I wonder if it would have sold out if the students were still in town.

Now, I hate the students in this city and don’t miss them at all for the summer months, but there’s no denying they are a significant portion of our population here. We should look into finding some way to fill Halifax with a few more people, but ones who aren’t drunken idiots. That’d be welcome.

Anyway, in the unlikely event that someone in Canada finds this post in the next week or so, I suggest trying to get to one of his shows in some other city. In the more likely event that someone stumbles upon this post via a search engine a few years down the line, you’re here because I used the word “Irishman” aren’t you? Yeah, I can tell you are.

Peter is a self-described “Experienced Apiarist (Beekeeper)” and he’s one of the stars of Deadpool 2, a movie that is in theatres even as I write this. This is as fresh as a Beekeeper Review can get.

In the movie, the wisecracking mercenary Deadpool puts out an ad to assemble a team of super-powered individuals for a dangerous mission, a group that would become known as X-Force. Though he doesn’t have any powers, Peter saw the ad and decided he’d try out for the team, just to help out and have an adventure.

He also maintains a presence on social media, though I don’t know how long that will last now that the movie as come and gone.

So how about the review. How much of an action hero is our Peter? Well, without getting into spoilers, I’ll say that he holds his own alongside the rest of the team, and even outperforms most of them. He may have a weakness against swans, but he’s got bees on his side and treats them, and animals in general, with respect. Apart from that, he seems like a good guy who has not given in to Beekeeper Rage, and genuinely wants to help out his team. Overall, pretty good.

Three Honeycombs out of Five.

When Farniconigon, former Space Army captain, retired from the service after the war against the Flartians, Farniconigon went into politics and wound up as the mayor of the Capital City of the Nexus Planet, which some citizens consider the most important city in the galactic neighbourhood.

Numbo

Numbo came to the Nexus Planet to escape a bad scene back home, on a planet run by mobsters who Numbo had angered. When Numbo arrived, everyone apparently mistook them for someone else, and Numbo went along with it at first because it was convenient. When it became clear that they thought they were the new Deputy Mayor, Numbo had to double down for fear of being exposed and deported back to their dangerous homeworld. So now Numbo has to pick up how to be a Deputy Mayor without letting anyone catch on that they’re a fraud, all while being worried that the actual Deputy Mayor will show up.

Mememem

The Mayor’s press secretary, Mememem is a something of a joker. He grew up on the Nexus Planet and knows how to connect to the press like a pal and win their confidence. He absolutely cares more about being liked than doing his job well.

Dvuncan

Dvuncan was rescued by Farniconigon during the war, so he is very loyal to the mayor. Now serving as Farniconigon’s personal bodyguard, he is the only one who has suspected anything strange about Numbo, but Numbo keeps deflecting suspicion with elaborate lies.

Goirby X

The head of security at City Hall, Goirby X is convinced the place is haunted. Secretly spending every night prowling the halls looking for evidence of ghosts, Goirby never got around to looking into Numbo’s background and certainly has no reason to suspect anything now.

Raybles

A writer for the administration, Raybles gets to lounge around and think up ways to put Farnicongion’s policies into words that will sell them to the public. Unfortunately, Raybles is perhaps a bit too philisophical in his approach and keeps using metaphors about buckets that only a Blegbo really could appreciate. Mememem wants him fired.

Obviously this self-serving excuse to flesh out my Farniconigon character would not ever be picked up as a sitcom.

Hey everybody, meet Douglas Giddings, Superman’s lawyer.

I’m not going to pretend that Douglas Giddings is an important part of the Superman Mythos and that his not being in the supporting cast is hurting things and he must be brought back, but I think he’s a neat idea and I could probably get a quick Superman Thoughts thing out of him.

Giddings made only one appearance, in the pre-Crisis era when it felt like the books were trying to use up their spare ideas before the 80s reboot of Superman. A backup story in Action Comics #581 gives us a day in the life of Superman’s lawyer. Like Jimmy Olsen, Giddings has been given a special watch by Superman. While Jimmy’s watch allows the kid to get in touch with Superman, Giddings’s watch tells him when Superman is coming to meet about legal matters. They talk about things like television stations using the rights to Superman’s image, to advertisers trying to mooch off his reputation. Then crimes happen and Superman races away to save the day, with Giddings riding his motorcycle there to capture footage of the events. The story implies that Giddings has been working behind the scenes with Superman for a long time, even if we never heard about it and never will again.

I like the idea that, when Clark made the move from vigilante to respectable superhero, he lawyered up to keep everything above board. Maybe there’s some story in which Superman saved Giddings, who then volunteered to help the hero out. We’ll never know, but I think there’s some ground that could be covered there, if someone ever wanted to.

(Fact: Nobody but me wants to.)