Must be exhausting to be the sun
spending all day heading west
giving daylight to everyone
and never getting any rest.

Myself, I can’t give off daylight
but still I’ve tried to be giving.
My own orbit through the night
is nearer over than beginning.

I’ve almost gone ’round four decades of times
and so far this is what I can tell you:
The best parts go by way too fast,
The rest takes too long to get through.

fish got fins
they use them to swim
they live under water
and get eaten by otters
fish don’t have hair
they don’t live in the air

(This has been a poem I found in the notebook I used in art class in grades eight and nine.)

Between work and school and trying to keep on top of SecGov Robots and the next year’s batch of Phone Guyses, I’ve had little time for ordinary posts on the site lately. Well, for one of my classes I had to produce a few “found poems” so I might as well throw them up on here, right? The correct answer is “right”.

Friendspeak (a found poem made from lines of texts between Marq and me)

I have a new phone.
It is one of those technology phones.
Consarnit.
I will still get the message in a robotic voice.
I am in Dartmouth.
Sports Entertainment.
Where will Kip be at?
Plenty of time, I suppose.
Yeppp.
I just now got your song picture.
Huggable angel statues.
A Larry David-looking guy’s car broke down in the rotary.
Traffic is nuts. I will be late.

Trust Us, We Are Human (a found poem made from Spam comments on This Very Website)

Oakland survived a shaky night.
We fix it.
Hardly is it possible to imagine that more such good exists.
I believe it’s just the way you search
within the mirror, not the amount.
What they did to him was senseless.
So do not be much too difficult on your self.
Do whatever you can
plus the relaxation will get the job done alone out.

Precognitive Robot (a found poem made from Kip’s text prediction application, which attempts to determine what you are trying to type before you finish.)

Dissidents,
Fairfax Hoffman’s
beforehand optioned.
Friday.
Sainsbury heights.
Yuri unstated,
Shenzhen good-looking.
Fifth liftoff urged Uhura
watch outright hunch.
Diuretic Puget
degree Nikkei.
proprio pointed
fight.

It has been a long, long time since PDR flexed his poetry muscles. Here’s some poems, you crotchbrains:

I’ll kick it off with some haiku. To warm us up.

An old man in France
went to a zookeeper’s house.
They talked about cows.

Your eyes are on fire!
Dear god! Someone do something!
How did this happen?

Argax the Mighty!
He’s mighty and named Argax.
That is his whole deal.

And now some other poems:

The Leaves Will Soon Be Turning

The leaves will soon be turning
into vampires.
If you don’t protect yourself
you will expire.
Vampire leaves
hang from trees
like bats on the roof of a cave.
Beware at night
when they take flight
and try to send you to the grave.
The leaves will soon be turning
into vampires.
The only way to stop it is
forest fires.

Tom’s Day

Tom sat in a chair.
He was perfectly happy there.
Top was not standing
Nor sleeping at all.
He was just seated,
The chair preventing a fall.
Tom sat in his chair
and was perfectly happy there.

This Poem Is Going In Your Face

The words that make this poem
will invade your personal space,
by barging into your eyes
and being in your face.
There’s nothing you can do,
It’s much too late to stop it.
All of these syllables
are now in your eye sockets.
There’s no point in resistance.
You’ll find help in no place.
The invasion is now over.
This poem went in your face.

People sometimes forget that I am one of the world’s five greatest living poets (and one of the seven greatest dead ones). So here I present to you a Poetry Parade of haiku written about Namor the Sub-Mariner that date from the Contains2 days. All but the first ten of these were on secret pages, so I can even pretend like I’m presenting them for the first time. Here you go:

Top Ten Haikus About Namor
Sunday 03 August 2003:

10)
Wing-fins on his feet
Good swimming abilities
And a green speedo.

9)
Namor cries a lot
How come? He has a sad life.
He likes comfort foods.

8)
King of Atlantis
But never King of the World
Also, not a bride

7)
Eating out one night
Namor ordered some sushi.
Thus he ate his arm.

6)
He’s like Aqua-Shaft.
Or perhaps more like a kind
of Scuba-Rambo.

5)
Namor knows the Hulk
Hulk likes to Call him ‘Fish-Man’
This makes Namor cry.

4)
What do pointy ears
Have to do with living in
the deep blue ocean?

3)
He is bulletproof
But not immune to slander
So watch your fool mouth

2)
He may look like Spock
But Namor is no Vulcan
Vulcans don’t swim good.

1)
The Sub-Mariner.
That’s what they call him up here.
Below sea, they don’t.

Ten More Haikus about Namor!
Sunday 28 September 2003:

10)
Amnesiac Bum
He had a beard and no home
But he got better.

9)
Namor should get SARS.
Then people would talk ’bout him.
Which they should do more.

8)
Atlantis is wet.
The people there are wet too.
They can’t wear suede there.

7)
Namor has villains.
Tiger Shark… Krang… Attuma…
They are all zeroes.

6)
See that fish? The trout.
That trout thinks Namor is dumb.
That makes Namor cry.

5)
Namor don’t like fire.
It makes him dry out. That hurts.
He should moisturize.

4)
Namor’s email is
Underwater_superguy
@fishguy.com

3)
Aquaman just sucks.
When compared to ol’ Namor.
Or anyone else.

2)
Namor’s hair is black.
His head is flat and stupid.
He should wear a hat.

1)
Do not beat him up.
He lives a hard life as king.
You’d just make it worse.

Another Ten Haikus About Namor
Saturday 08 November 2003:

10)
His name is Namor.
Backwards his name is Roman.
That’s kinda fishy

9)
He can punch so hard
That it shatters walls of stone.
He thinks that is great.

8)
Namor went to Mars.
He met an alien fish.
Didn’t even care.

7)
One time, Namor said:
“I’m gonna conquer the world.”
But he hasn’t yet.

6)
Namor watches golf.
Though he won’t admit to it.
It is his secret.

5)
Atlantis had ghosts.
Namor probably fought them
Or paid them to leave.

4)
He has no fish tail.
Unlike the mermaids of myth.
That makes Namor cry.

3)
Daddy, who is that?
That’s Namor! He is the King.
He ain’t got no class!

2)
During Would War Two
Namor helped fight the Axis.
He knows Nazis suck.

1)
Turtles don’t like him.
They only like shelled heroes.
That makes Namor cry.

Yet Another Ten Haikus about Namor
Saturday 08 November 2003:

10)
In days long ago,
When Namor was but a lad,
He would get beat up.

9)
Say “Suffering Shad!”
A far better catch phrase than
“Imperious Rex!”

8)
He won’t admit it,
But Namor still dries his bed.
How embarrasing.

7)
I’m Biff. I’m real big.
I stole Namor’s lunch money.
Namor then cried hard.

6)
Call her She-Namor!
She also has winged feet.
She’s Namorita!

5)
Would you punch the Hulk?
The King of Atlantis would.
Is he brave or dumb?

4)
“Eat fish for supper.”
Says Namor on the TV.
“Buy from Atlantis.”

3)
Heh. Namor got punched.
Punched right in his stupid face.
That’ll show the jerk.

2)
Who’s Namorita?
Why, a female clone, of course.
Of Namor, that is.

1)
Namor’s bicycle?
He says it is a good one.
But he just plain lies.

More Namor Haikus. Ten of them.
Monday 08 December 2003:

10)
Namor is the King!
His subjects think he is cool.
They are right, of course.

9)
Namor’s feet have wings.
These wings are like fins. Then some.
He can swim and fly.

8)
The Fantastic Four.
Namor has a crush on one.
And it ain’t Ben Grimm.

7)
Sometimes he gets sad.
He misses being a bum.
Namor liked those days.

6)
At a Stones concert.
Namor started a big fight.
He said they were old.

5)
Namor was at home.
In the city, Atlantis.
Pretty boring night.

4)
Dude! Did you hear this?
What? Is it about Namor?
Yeah! He’s got no car!

3)
Rocket Robin-Hood.
He is not Namor at all.
He gets no haiku.

2)
Hulk said “Hey, Fish-Man!”
Namor said “What, you moron?”
Hulk: “I miss my bike.”

1)
Namor in the house
(The house is filled with water)
Now the party starts!

Namor Haikus! Will It Never End?
Tuesday 20 January 2004:

10)
A Mech-Crab cometh!
It’s part of Namor’s army.
It can pinch and hurt.

9)
Namor McKenzie.
Half-human and half fishman.
He don’t wear a shirt.

8)
“Atlantis is home”
Says Namor to his allies.
“But New York has beer.”

7)
Namor got yelled at.
Some guy called him a fascist.
This made Namor cry.

6)
It’s different now.
He yells “Imperious Rex!”
Not “Sufferin’ Shad!”

5)
“Sue Storm is so hot!”
Thought Namor when he saw her.
“Too bad I’m kelp-brained.”

4)
Some fat kid was there.
Namor didn’t know why though.
The kid was just bored.

3)
Namor cut his hand,
One day as he combed his hair.
Cut it on his ear.

2)
Namor likes Haikus.
He writes them about himself.
And puts them online.

1)
It’s an adventure!
Namor is fighting a bear!
Oh, what zany fun!

Did Someone Say Haikus About Namor?
Sunday 11 April 2004:

10)
Flat head, foot wings, butt.
They’re Namor’s ingredients.
Now just add water.

9)
Namor likes a song.
It’s the one called Rock Lobster.
He rocks out to it.

8)
Namor, the Movie.
Starring someone as Namor.
And someone as fish.

7)
I like comic books.
I wonder what Namor likes?
Fish fish fish fish fish.

6)
A homemade “jeep” car.
Namor had one. Was yellow.
Drove it for a while.

5)
Atlantean folk.
That’s the people Namor rules.
They’re subservient.

4)
They’re the Defenders!
Hulk! Namor! Doc Strange! Others…
They’re mostly heroes.

3)
Namor’s a monarch.
But he still can’t afford pants.
That makes Namor cry.

2)
Hey, can you see that?
Looks like Namor McKenzie!
I hear he smells bad.

1)
Nineteen-Thirty-Nine
Namor shows up on the scene.
He does not wear much.

Two Times Five Haikus On The Topic Of Namor
Friday 03 December 2004

10)
Hulk isn’t in town?
The Sub-Mariner will do.
Thus, Namor finds work.

9)
It is Halloween.
Namor wears a Spidey mask.
Spidey goes topless.

8)
“I love your green shorts.
They look hot on your body.
Your fan, Melissa.”

7)
“Water is so great,”
Said young Namor to his mom.
“But it needs more chairs.”

6)
“Invade the surface!
Crush and destroy their buildings!
But don’t punch babies!”

5)
Namor owes Ben cash.
He lost it playing poker
Doesn’t plan to pay.

4)
An amphibian!
Namor uses gills to breathe.
But he breathes air too.

3)
Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.
Bulletproof. No suicide.
That makes Namor cry.

2)
Go to Riverdale!
Meet Archie, Betty, Jughead!
But not King Namor!

1)
Holy Mackerel!
Namor doesn’t worship fish.
They don’t worship him.