I suppose I’ve let the site cool down enough after Marq overused it and risked causing a fire. I guess I should relate some tales of my trip to the Other Side Of The World.

I guess I’ll go chronologically. After a whole bunch of planes and the longest travel time I’ve yet experienced, I ended up in Shanghai. Terry and Buffy still had a day of teaching school left, so I got to see all the little kids they teach, which was cool. I found Shanghai to be quite humid and I totally sweat like a person smuggling nuclear cocaine into a police state. The second day there, though, it poured rain. By the end of that the shoes I’d brought were totally ruined and we had to buy me some new footwear. We also bought me some shorts to sleep in, because it had not occurred to me that what I usually sleep in might be a little not-enough for the trip. The footwear we ended up with turned out to be sandals. I generally am not a big sandal wearer, but these ones worked out pretty darn well, especially considering the amount of time we spent in the desert where full socks and shoes would probably have been way too much. Oh, we also bought a bag for me to carry around which was smaller than the big one I planned to use. Not a bad idea either.

Anyway, as I mentioned we went to the desert. The bulk of the trip was spent in the province of Xinjiang, which is the Westernmost part of China. We totally flew to a place called Urumqi and then another flight to Kashgar and that was where we began our travels.

In Kashgar we totally got to see markets and bazaars and the like. People there really want to sell you stuff. I’m a total sucker for salespeople and in most cases would probably be talked into buying stuff or feeling bad, but Terry and Buffy were much better at handling this. Plus, since I didn’t speak the language I was mostly not the target of anyone’s attempts. Also, haggling is a big thing there and I am totally not used to that. As a self-hating and money-hating person, I’m generally okay with paying ridiculously marked-up prices. It’s how I rid myself of all that currency I neither want nor deserve, y’know?

Referring to my notes, I see that on the Thirtieth of June it was that we took a camel tour. That is to say we rode out into the desert on camels. Now we didn’t ride out very far. We pretty much just went out to the first couple dunes and looked out on the rest. And the ride was shorter than advertised as well. But I was okay with it. I’d never ridden a camel before, so that was neat and I’d never seen desert sand dunes in person so that was neat (and ran my hand through the sand, as well). Though as we were out there the wind kicked up and we got lots of sand blowing into our faces. I couldn’t put my teeth together without chewing sand for hours afterwards.

Another cool plus for that part of the trip is that the three of us went on this camel tour with four other travellers all of whom seemed very nice and gave us companions for various other excursions during the remainder of our days in Xinjiang.

The next significant segment of the journey was a ride up into the mountains to see this cool mountain lake (which I’m afraid I don’t remember the name of). Though an hours-long trip through lovely mountains was there to break it up, I was particularly impressed by seeing snow after having been in the desert so soon before. I was able to appear impressive by simply knowing what a yurt was ahead of time. The way to be a successful idiot is to make it appear as though your idiocy is a ploy to cover some hidden intelligence. Though we did not sleep overnight in the yurt, we all had a good nap before we went back to our hotel.

Sometime later we left Kashgar via rail. We rode a train through the desert to Turfan. I think I slept more than usual on the train, because it was supposed to be twenty-some hours but didn’t really feel that long. We’d opted to pay for sleeper rooms so we’d have beds. Terry and Buffy told me of times they’d just got seats and had to sit there for terribly long and crowded rides. Myself only having experienced this way, I can say kinda like train travel.

Turfan is another nice little desert city. One thing I really liked was the big roads that were trellised by these grapevines to allow for shade (there’s a picture on the Wikipedia page even). While in this town we also saw a mosque with the tallest minaret in China, the remains of a fort that was probably pretty impressive back in the day what with being on this plateau thing and some little village I didn’t catch the name of which seems to have less people left than it once did. Also that village had the remains of some Buddhist temples that had been defaced when the town was invaded. Also in Turfan we used an Internet cafe which looked pretty much as one of those would be expected to look, though dim lighting and air conditioning are pretty nice in the desert. The Internet is not easy to use over there, though. Oh and we ate at a place called Best Food Burger which has my favorite name for a fast food place because of the sheer confidence it exudes.

Oh yeah, speaking of food I forgot to mention that we ate a Pakistani place back (I think) in Kashgar. It was really good and I find myself wishing such a place were around here. It’s not like my street here doesn’t have a million restaurants already. For the most part I enjoyed the Chinese food as well. We ate way more than I generally do. I know more than one meal a day is supposed to be healthy, but it takes some time for me to train myself to manage it. But as I said, I liked the food. And I didn’t seem to embarrass myself with the chopsticks either.

Okay where was I? Right, so we left Turfan and took a bus back to Urumqi. On the bus they played some Bollywood movie which didn’t look all that great but I was amused that when the main character went on a revenge driven quest to kill the criminals who, (I think) killed his wife and an elderly man (his father? his fighting master? I don’t know) he wore a leather jacket with the American Flag on it. That flag will become visual slang for “Gonna Kick Some Ass” before we even know what happened.

We were mere moments too late at Urumqi airport and we missed our flight (overzealous but obviously confused cab company owner leading us on a mad chase for one of his cabs didn’t help with that…) and we ended up spending an hour or two trying to get money off of credit cards and ended up spending the night in a hotel before we were finally able to fly back to Shanghai in the morning.

Since I had to leave the day after we got back to Shanghai (and Terry and Buffy move the day following) there isn’t much else to tell. They apparently didn’t quite feel right putting me to work on my vacation (though I’d not have minded) so I spent most of the time that remained simply relaxing. Then I got back onto a plane and eventually made it back here. I think that’s about it.

All in all I think I had a pretty awesome trip. My next travels can not come soon enough. I have a first batch of pictures up on Facebook for those who can see that. When Terry and Buffy have finally got around to making their own albums I’ll make a second with whatever pictures are left over. We certainly have enough of them.

And once again I must give a sincere Thank You to Terry and Buffy for letting me come with them on that trip. Hopefully I wasn’t much trouble to carry around. Thanks guys.

Just so that it will not be forgotten when we have conquered it, I am going to put an image of what somebody is doing with the Contains2.com address.

In a way, I guess I am honored that some obscure moneyseeking scoundrels considered the gibberish phrase “contains2” that nobody would ever type into a browser on a whim valuable enough to annex. After all that domain would have no worth at all if not for the efforts of myself and my fellow contains2men (but mostly myself, of course). But that said I’d still rather the domain have not been purchased by someone who isn’t us. Even if only one and three quarters of us actually still care.

And of course they worked in my old nemesis Debt Consolidation. I remember back when everyone else got emails about things I could use like free diplomas, weight loss, penis enlargement and women I was getting more than one email a day about consolidating debt. Oh the shame of it all. (I am proud to say that I actually barely get email spam anymore. Even on my hotmail account). It’s like this whole thing is part of a scheme by the currency lovers that I so strongly dislike to attack me personally.

The main problem with Contains2 being not there is that I’d really enjoy the chance to browse through the old stuff we wrote. Those were good times. Of course we’d not have that problem if Marq was willing to put it up on “containstwo.com” until such time as we win back the original. But someday Hawaii, hot girl and debt consolidation shall fall before our might.

Either way, the link shall remain at the bottom of this page until the outcome has shown itself.

Anyway, I’ll be back after China.

I just found some website that scans websites and generates a movie-style rating for the thing. I got a “G” rating and the only negative comment was the word “gun” was used. I’m sure it only scans the words on the front page and not all the stuff I’ve posted before, but dammit, I don’t want no “G” rating. Fuck that shit. This here post is gonna knock that motherfucking rating out of the park and make it whore itself out to cannibals, fatass! Fuck yeah! Go kill a panda then smoke some crack!

I remembered one of the things that I was going to comment on during those four shitty days without the crappy site working: I read a review of the latest Indiana Jones in which the asshole reviewer complained that “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is too long for a title. That’s a serious complaint? Now I was already someone who preferred distinct titles to stupid simple generic-sounding ones, but this is just too much. Seven syllables is too much for the masses to handle? That’s crap. And bullshit. I mean, it isn’t as though you can’t shorten it to “Kingdom” or “Crystal Skulls” or whatever you want when you’re just talking about it, so what the hell is the problem? We need everything presented to us in fucking soundbite form now? We’re really becoming a species of ass-for-brains. Aren’t we? Shit.

But in the interests of pleasing a bunch of asstarded fuckholing shitsnouts, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to kill all kinds of old movie and book titles and shit and turn them into a bunch of retarded fuckhead-friendly short titles. Here you go, assblasters:

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest = Committed
A Streetcar Named Desire = Bad Times
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde = Dual Nature
The Silence of the Lambs = Murderers
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret = Growing Up
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance = Outlaw Killer
The Bridge on the River Kwai = Soldiers
Judgment at Nuremberg = War Trial
ET: The Extra-Terrestrial = The Phone-Homer
American History X = White Guys
To Kill A Mockingbird = Finchy!
A Midsummer Night’s Dream = Fairies!
It’s A Wonderful Life = Christmas Sucks
The Shawshank Redemption = Jail Movie
The Catcher in the Rye = Hold On, Holden
Beneath The Planet of the Apes = Monkey Caves!
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle = Good Burgers!
The Return of the Jedi = Save Solo!
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind = Mindfuck!

Well, that’s enough of that shit. I mean, fuck, anyone can see my point already and it’s harder than it looks. Shit.

Haiku!

Jack is a retard.
Fuck! His brain is fucking weak!
Dude can’t think ’bout shit!

It’s fucking awesome how swearing makes a post seem so much angrier than usual. Maybe this is why people fight so fucking much on the Internet. What a bunch of fucking retard shitsmelling cockbags. Maybe I should talk on some shit that actually angers me…

Now for a message to all those out there who place your own selves over everyone else. All the criminals and dictators and assholes and that shit. You cocksuckers are what is wrong with this fucking species. You think that as long as the world sucks your dick then all is Fucking Good? Well, every time you jerkoffs make someone else’s day a little fucking worse, they start to become a little more desperate to make their own lives better and they become a bit more assholey like you. It’s one of those vicious fuckin’ cycles you hear about. Some retarded douchebag wants some money, so he steals some from some poor shitstain on the street, right? Well now that shitstain needs money to feed his family and shit. And he’s all pissed because the douchebag made him a victim and he wants to validate his own ego, so he picks on someone else. The bad vibes spread and some other retarded douchebag things “Hey, this world ain’t fuckin’ fair and I gotta feed myself, I might as well steal shit.” You know? And on big scales like corrupt fucking governments and greedy bitchass corporations? Those bastards cause some real worldwide fucking bad vibes. We get fucking poor people in fucking poor countries who are jealous of the douchebags who take what they need and they want to feed themselves and make themselves not be fucking victims anymore, so they lash out with the fucking bombs and fucking guns and do murders and shit. FUCK! Can’t you douchebags get that into your fucking eyeballs or are your eyeballs covered in love juices from the giant cock of greed that you keep strokin’? Huh? Is that what it is? You guys make me sick! You’re a bunch of fucktastic, retardical shitass Neanderfuck Necrophiles! So fuck the fuck off!

There, now that that swear-filled rant is on the Internet, the world with change. Hooray.

Now let me see what rating that shitsoaked website says the Book of PDFNR gets now.

For the last four days I gave been unable to log onto my little site here. While that is annoying enough on its own, I actually had (twice) something to say during those days and that almost never happens. And now I forget what it was. Hopefully it’ll come back to me.

In the meantime…

Haiku!

Summer on the moon.
All the children wear their shorts
And swim in moon lakes.

Some Advice For Any New Mothers Out There:
Don’t buy a bed made out of knives for your baby. It won’t work out well.

One thing that sucks: When you bite into something and it turns out to be crunchy, but you didn’t think it would be. I don’t know, like, ice cream or something. You’re expecting a regular dose of soft serve and suddenly your teeth are crushing something. No, this has not happened to me. I just thought of it for some reason. If it does happen to me soon, this paragraph proves that I am psychic.

Haiku!

Hamburger tango!
Can you not feel the glory?
Today is Friday.

My Internet is running slowly just now. I wonder if twenty thousand doctors are all trying to log onto the Internet at once for medical advice about some sudden epidemic of a disease where people’s hair has nerve endings in it. That would cause Internet slowdown.

Anyway, that’s it until I’m back from the New York.