Aqua-Dementia

I’ve managed to get Swimmer’s Ear. What the chunks? Homeboy can’t even swim! And yet here I spent the last day and a half with what feels like a tablespoon full of fluid in by my anvil and hammer and other tiny bone.

Apart from the fact that it occasionally gets painful (as I tried to sleep last morning for example) the primary problem with Swimmer’s Ear is that it blocks sounds like an earplug and that has the effect of amplifying inside-head noises like crunching or swallowing or that constant swearing voice that we all try so hard to block out.

Anyway, I can officially state that I’m not a fan of Swimmer’s Ear. You’re all amazed to hear it.

Haiku!

Duck language is hard.
Too many words sound the same.
Ducks should learn English.

I looked up the other tiny bone. It’s the stirrup. No wonder I didn’t remember that. Back when they taught me about the earbones, I probably had no idea what a stirrup was, so it didn’t stick in my mind the way the others did. They really should have taught me about stirrups first. I now officially hate the Canadian school system.

I Scream.

Dear Whomever Bought The Last Rocky Road Ice Cream at Video Difference. Thanks a lot, scumbag. I had to resort to “Cookie Dough Dynamo” and it just wasn’t the same. Now I shall go cry myself to sleep.

Oh yeah, China.

I suppose I’ve let the site cool down enough after Marq overused it and risked causing a fire. I guess I should relate some tales of my trip to the Other Side Of The World.

I guess I’ll go chronologically. After a whole bunch of planes and the longest travel time I’ve yet experienced, I ended up in Shanghai. Terry and Buffy still had a day of teaching school left, so I got to see all the little kids they teach, which was cool. I found Shanghai to be quite humid and I totally sweat like a person smuggling nuclear cocaine into a police state. The second day there, though, it poured rain. By the end of that the shoes I’d brought were totally ruined and we had to buy me some new footwear. We also bought me some shorts to sleep in, because it had not occurred to me that what I usually sleep in might be a little not-enough for the trip. The footwear we ended up with turned out to be sandals. I generally am not a big sandal wearer, but these ones worked out pretty darn well, especially considering the amount of time we spent in the desert where full socks and shoes would probably have been way too much. Oh, we also bought a bag for me to carry around which was smaller than the big one I planned to use. Not a bad idea either.

Anyway, as I mentioned we went to the desert. The bulk of the trip was spent in the province of Xinjiang, which is the Westernmost part of China. We totally flew to a place called Urumqi and then another flight to Kashgar and that was where we began our travels.

In Kashgar we totally got to see markets and bazaars and the like. People there really want to sell you stuff. I’m a total sucker for salespeople and in most cases would probably be talked into buying stuff or feeling bad, but Terry and Buffy were much better at handling this. Plus, since I didn’t speak the language I was mostly not the target of anyone’s attempts. Also, haggling is a big thing there and I am totally not used to that. As a self-hating and money-hating person, I’m generally okay with paying ridiculously marked-up prices. It’s how I rid myself of all that currency I neither want nor deserve, y’know?

Referring to my notes, I see that on the Thirtieth of June it was that we took a camel tour. That is to say we rode out into the desert on camels. Now we didn’t ride out very far. We pretty much just went out to the first couple dunes and looked out on the rest. And the ride was shorter than advertised as well. But I was okay with it. I’d never ridden a camel before, so that was neat and I’d never seen desert sand dunes in person so that was neat (and ran my hand through the sand, as well). Though as we were out there the wind kicked up and we got lots of sand blowing into our faces. I couldn’t put my teeth together without chewing sand for hours afterwards.

Another cool plus for that part of the trip is that the three of us went on this camel tour with four other travellers all of whom seemed very nice and gave us companions for various other excursions during the remainder of our days in Xinjiang.

The next significant segment of the journey was a ride up into the mountains to see this cool mountain lake (which I’m afraid I don’t remember the name of). Though an hours-long trip through lovely mountains was there to break it up, I was particularly impressed by seeing snow after having been in the desert so soon before. I was able to appear impressive by simply knowing what a yurt was ahead of time. The way to be a successful idiot is to make it appear as though your idiocy is a ploy to cover some hidden intelligence. Though we did not sleep overnight in the yurt, we all had a good nap before we went back to our hotel.

Sometime later we left Kashgar via rail. We rode a train through the desert to Turfan. I think I slept more than usual on the train, because it was supposed to be twenty-some hours but didn’t really feel that long. We’d opted to pay for sleeper rooms so we’d have beds. Terry and Buffy told me of times they’d just got seats and had to sit there for terribly long and crowded rides. Myself only having experienced this way, I can say kinda like train travel.

Turfan is another nice little desert city. One thing I really liked was the big roads that were trellised by these grapevines to allow for shade (there’s a picture on the Wikipedia page even). While in this town we also saw a mosque with the tallest minaret in China, the remains of a fort that was probably pretty impressive back in the day what with being on this plateau thing and some little village I didn’t catch the name of which seems to have less people left than it once did. Also that village had the remains of some Buddhist temples that had been defaced when the town was invaded. Also in Turfan we used an Internet cafe which looked pretty much as one of those would be expected to look, though dim lighting and air conditioning are pretty nice in the desert. The Internet is not easy to use over there, though. Oh and we ate at a place called Best Food Burger which has my favorite name for a fast food place because of the sheer confidence it exudes.

Oh yeah, speaking of food I forgot to mention that we ate a Pakistani place back (I think) in Kashgar. It was really good and I find myself wishing such a place were around here. It’s not like my street here doesn’t have a million restaurants already. For the most part I enjoyed the Chinese food as well. We ate way more than I generally do. I know more than one meal a day is supposed to be healthy, but it takes some time for me to train myself to manage it. But as I said, I liked the food. And I didn’t seem to embarrass myself with the chopsticks either.

Okay where was I? Right, so we left Turfan and took a bus back to Urumqi. On the bus they played some Bollywood movie which didn’t look all that great but I was amused that when the main character went on a revenge driven quest to kill the criminals who, (I think) killed his wife and an elderly man (his father? his fighting master? I don’t know) he wore a leather jacket with the American Flag on it. That flag will become visual slang for “Gonna Kick Some Ass” before we even know what happened.

We were mere moments too late at Urumqi airport and we missed our flight (overzealous but obviously confused cab company owner leading us on a mad chase for one of his cabs didn’t help with that…) and we ended up spending an hour or two trying to get money off of credit cards and ended up spending the night in a hotel before we were finally able to fly back to Shanghai in the morning.

Since I had to leave the day after we got back to Shanghai (and Terry and Buffy move the day following) there isn’t much else to tell. They apparently didn’t quite feel right putting me to work on my vacation (though I’d not have minded) so I spent most of the time that remained simply relaxing. Then I got back onto a plane and eventually made it back here. I think that’s about it.

All in all I think I had a pretty awesome trip. My next travels can not come soon enough. I have a first batch of pictures up on Facebook for those who can see that. When Terry and Buffy have finally got around to making their own albums I’ll make a second with whatever pictures are left over. We certainly have enough of them.

And once again I must give a sincere Thank You to Terry and Buffy for letting me come with them on that trip. Hopefully I wasn’t much trouble to carry around. Thanks guys.

FedEx Sucks.

So I was supposed to get this package from FedEx last week and they showed up twice, each time around 12:30 in the afternoon and I was, of course, asleep. They left a note saying the package would be returned to sender, though upon calling I was told I should be able to drive out to the company’s office or whatever and pick it up myself.

At first I blamed my own hours for being the reason the package failed to be delivered, but upon retrospection it occurred to me that most normal folk would be at work at 12:30 in the afternoon, so they would not have received their packages either. It’s totally FedEx’s fault. FedEx bites.

I assume the package is the gift I got for my mother for Mother’s Day. I guess that means she’ll be the one driving me out there to get that thing.

Haiku!

Behold the Mummy!
He can bench nine hundred pounds.
Also, he has guns.

What else? Let’s see…
If science is so great, then why can’t it tell me which way is up?

Improper Use of Daylight

I am home from that trip to that city I went to. I have to say, I was pretty underwhelmed. And I mean that in the best way possible. I was led to believe by some people that I would be overwhelmed and out of my element and all that, but I felt totally at home as I wandered the streets of Manhattan. It was a cool town and I hope to make it back someday when I have more than two nights to do my wanderings. I really like that place. It now has PDR approval.

I’ll go into further details throughout the week as right now, I want some sleep. The most disappointing thing about my visit was the fact I was asleep by eleven both nights. Most days here I am barely AWAKE by eleven in the nighttime. And I was waking up around dawn. It was so diurnal that it made me feel wrong.