This week there was a riddle in the newspaper that asked “How many times can you subtract five from twenty-five” and gave the answer as being once, because then you were subtracting from twenty and so on.

I disagree. I think you can subtract it as many times as you damn well please. Look:

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

I could go on all night. But since I don’t like math, I ain’t gonna.

I have begun saving up to go on a trip to London. I am not smart enough to go alone, though. I just don’t have anyone to go with. It makes me sad. I’m sad a lot.

In other news, I am now being monitored by aliens. They are spying on me through plant life. But it’s cool. They’re not insidious. They’re just really bored.a

So… The next Star Wars game sounds like it could be fun. But I’d have to get a “next generation” console to play it (or shouldn’t it be a “current generation” console now?). The game is called Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, which is of course SW:TFU for short. TFU also stands for The Fuckest Uppest as the show Spaced has taught me. Thus, I am amused.

What’s big and red and has no nose? I don’t know. A big car? A red star? Russia on some maps? Lot’s of stuff. Who cares?

I’ve finally got myself an idea for the next thing I’ll be writing all worked out. Now just to get past my self-induced weariness and get to work. Then you’ll all pay.

Around the beginning of the year, I happily foreshadowed something called the Ape Slave Trading Manual. This was going to be a little magazine thing put out by Marq and myself in which we could write/draw/do pretty much whatever nonsense we wanted and nobody could stop us even the President. I was really excited about the whole thing.

But Marq lost interest pretty quickly (even though it was his idea in the first place) and I have to face it, it’s just not going to happen. But I don’t want to waste all the stuff that would have gone into the magazine, so I am going to start bringing it to you here. Some of it (like the main photo story which was never finished and my article about how happy I was to have a magazine) will be lost, but I’ll salvage what I can.

Today I bring you what would have been the “Fun and Games” section. A maze!

On the plus side, maybe now that I am finally willing to admit my dreams of the magazine have been crushed, I will be able to write for the site here again. That’s a plus…

I do a lot of crossword puzzles at work (it keeps the mind off of how much of my life is being wasted) and a few weeks ago I came across a puzzler. The clue was “Fictional Character in the Marvel Comics Universe.” Now this is the sort of thing I ought to know. I may not know much when it all comes down to it, but this? This is my niche. But I didn’t get it. It was three letters and the middle one was “P”. The only thing that could fit would be Ape. And while there is a character named Ape (this Morlock in a toque who, if I remember correctly was a shapeshifter) there’s no way in heck he’s making it into a crossword. Especially one made for the South Shore of Nova Scotia’s Out and About section. But last night I saw the answers. It was “Ape”. What the chunks? Honestly?

Ah well. Good for Ape, I guess. Too bad I’m pretty sure he’s dead in the comics. But c’est la vie.

Haiku!

It’s a big bullet.
Shot from the world’s biggest gun.
It can break your soul.

Watched the Strangers With Candy movie yesterday. I had seen some people on the Internet complaining about it, but I liked it. People on the Internet complain too much. And we’ve been watching downloads of Duckman lately too. There’s a show that deserves to be on DVD.

Reoun an rtehr. Abg bein tkin afhbk ah, tba ggmibm, atihn inuin. R aybiyn fhgahiun jghb’jo. Uhubn nhbybuanhb. But what can you do?

And that’s it for now.

What the chunks is gclef? I did the crossword puzzle in the newspaper at work yesterday and it all adds up but five across…

Needless to say, I’ve a few cross words for this puzzle. Ahhh. Good job, me. Anyway, the newspaper that reveals the answers of this one is probably just finished coming off the presses right now. But I don’t work tomorrow, so I’ll not likely see it. Ah well. Every other answer seems right…

In other news, I think I overheard that there’s an election tomorrow. I don’t care mostly, but last time there was an election they set up in the lobby of my building and totally got in my way and stuff. I was inconvenienced for entire seconds. Why, if I were a true man I would have flown into a rage and killed someone. That’s what men do these days.