Superman Needs A Good Videogame

I think, even more so than a good movie, a good game would really bring some people into the Superman franchise. With my constant jealousness of the Batman franchise, I saw the semi-recent success of his Arkham games and wanted that for Superman.

It’s worth knowing that Superman has famously never had much in the way of good games and, in fact, has some of the very worst games out there. Thus, if we finally gave him a good game, we’d not only be introducing new people to the franchise, but we’d be remedying that unfortunate state.

I will point out, to begin, that I don’t think we currently have the technology to make the Superman game I’d consider ideal. If you can’t give me a non-scaled-down, fully destructible version of Metropolis with millions of distinct npc civilians, well then what’s the point? But if we can’t meet that unrealistic expectation, what do I propose?

Why, we make a game starring Jimmy Olsen, of course!

Jimmy can be a fighter. Not on the level of Batman, obviously, but if you give him a fighting style that focuses heavily on disarming opponents and Judo-style moves and all that, you’ve got as much to work with for a game. Throw in temporary super-power-ups like Elastic Lad and Werewolf forms, and photograph-taking missions, and you’ve got a way to introduce all the elements of the franchise to that massive gaming audience. And you don’t even have to piss anyone off by making Superman “weaker” than he’s supposed to be.

A very similar argument could be made for making a game starring Lois Lane. In fact, it’d probably be better. But I’m still nervous about how they’d mess it up. If you mess up a Jimmy Olsen game, who cares? If you mess up a Lois Lane game, that’d hurt.

Beekeeper Review: Fullan

Fullan is a beekeeper who lives in the country of Kyrat, which is the setting of the game Far Cry 4. She was living her peaceful life there until the Royal Army (the game’s bad guys) discovered that there was gold on her property and kicked her off so they could have it for themselves. As the bad guys prepare to destroy Fullan’s hives with a flamethrower, she gets the game’s protagonist to go kill them all.

Fictional beekeeper aficionados (so, basically just me) will notice that this is almost exactly the same deal as Holofernus Meiersdorf. An open world game where a beekeeper is in danger and needs the hero’s help. It should come as no surprise that I, the guy who is trying to spread word that beekeepers are badasses, am not a big fan of that. Still, Fullan was probably perfectly good at being a “normal” beekeeper, and I like to think that when she gets her land back all that gold helps her become even better off. But still, man. Not a big help to my ongoing thesis here.

Two Honeycombs out of Five.

Makin’ Marios.

If I haven’t mentioned it before, when I started having money troubles at the end of 2015, I reacted by spending more money to keep myself happy. That meant getting myself a Nintendo Wii with the sole purpose of getting Mario Maker. Making Mario levels is something I’ve basically wanted to do since forever, and now it can be done.

I have just finished creating a series of four levels based around more plot than is necessary for Mario Maker levels, so now I’m gonna celebrate that:

Level One – Mario has to find his way into the Dungeon of Fungus.

Level Two – Mario must fight his way through the traps and defenses that the Goombas have established around the Dungeon entrances.

Level Three – Mario makes his way through the Dungeon’s cavernous interior to get closer to the 1-Ups.

Level Four – Mario finds the temple that is the entrance to the 1-Up cave, and must fight through the final line of Goomba forces.

Beekeeper Review: Holofernus Meiersdorf and Sons

Holofernus Meiersdorf is a halfling beekeeper who lives in the fantasy land in which the Witcher franchise takes place. Previous reviews of Beekeepers in fantasy worlds have provided us glimpses of some very powerful beekeepers. Sadly, Ol’ Holofernus is not another one like that.

Holofernus, with his sons Bernie, Franklin, and Hugo, runs a honey farm called Honeyfill Meadworks. They seem to do a good job of it, so I’m not going to impugn their skills as apiarists. But what they don’t have is that extra something that makes truly special beekeepers. When they think their farm is under attack by a ghost, what do they do about it? They hire the Witcher to solve their problem for them.

These guys live in a world where magic and stuff is all real, but instead of using magic to become Ultimate Level Beekeepers, they’re just ordinary halfling guys who are actually worried about the threat that ghosts could pose. Power to them for being good at beekeeping, but it’s just a shame that they don’t apply themselves and unleash their full potential.

Two Honeycombs out of Five.

Super Sunday: Jurjen and Princess Dazerra

Jurjen

Jurjen fights evil spirits. He’s a plush toy. A mother gave the toy to her daughter and told her it would protect her. The mother, a wizard, did not make this gift and promise idly. She knows full well that evil spirits are real things and that they’d strike at her through her daughter. But the toy, Jurjen, remains vigilant. The thing about evil spirits is that they’re essentially imaginary, they’re more things of mind than matter. The little girl’s imagination is strong and fuel’s Jurjen’s jaunts into the mental realms where the spirits dwell. There, Jurjen fights the evil spirits, to protect a little girl’s life.

I drew this little guy and didn’t quite know what to do with him. The above is pretty vague, but I feel like it is something to work with. I kinda expect to expand on it in the future. The little girl’s mother, the evil spirits. There’s plenty to work with for future posts.

Princess Dazerra

I usually like to put a bit of the character’s story here, but I’m just gonna launch into the background stuff for this one. I like video games where you have to save a princess. It is so simplistic and satisfying. Someone has been kidnapped and needs to be saved. Sure, it doesn’t have to be a princess (Adventure Dennis had to save the Mayor), but there’s something about princesses that just makes it work. Obviously it can be problematic to present princesses as weak and, essentially, objects to motivate the hero, but suppose I want to create a Zelda-style game someday. I need to have a princess there to rescue, right? Correct, but Princess Dazerra is not that princess. Princess Dazerra is the protagonist of the game. She’s on a quest to save her younger sister, who has been kidnapped by the forces of evil. Two princesses, man. This game would rule.

I figure the mechanics of the game would involve finding different gemstones that, when placed in her crown, give Dazerra different abilities to solve puzzles and fight monsters and all that video game hero stuff. I also figure that, man, I suck at drawing swords.