So I guess I’m not the Pope.

Well, I guess they chose a Pope and I haven’t had a phone call or anything. I guess that means they picked somebody else. It figures.


Guess I’m not the Pope.
I guess they didn’t pick me.
Not yet anyway.

I guess maybe it is an alright outcome for now. I mean, obviously, I would be the best choice to run the Church, but since I kinda expect that I’ll be assassinated during my Papal career, I guess I can wait to be the next pope. Have a few more years before I dive headlong into gettin’ shot.

Can Anybody Holy See Me?

They say that there is a trend that a Pope will be quite different than the proceeding Pope. Fact: I am quite different from the proceeding Pope.

The Vatican Conclave to vote for Pope 2013 has started, I believe, and I have to mention again my availability for the job. I am literally sitting here ready, willing, and able.

I have to admit, I kinda don’t expect to be picked for the job. I think my radical plans for the Church would probably work against me among a large number of the Cardinals doing the voting. Also, the fact that none of them know that I exist. But, hey guys, if you elect PDR, it will be such a longshot that practically nobody will be able to deny the divine intervention. Make a miracle, Cardinals. Vote Patrick D Ryall for Pope.

The Job Is Open

Obviously the big Patrick D Ryall-related news of the day is the resignation of the Pope. I had not expected to become the Pope for another decade or so, but I am definitely ready to do so. Everybody tell everybody: Patrick D Ryall should be the Pope.


The time has now come.
Now is the time that has come.
Now is that time. Now.

Now, the Vatican may look at me and say “He just started school, he’s too busy to be the Pope,” but I assure you, I am willing to make compromises. I’ll talk to the university, see what they can do to help me, then I’ll skip some classes and only do the tests and stuff. My grades will suffer, but it will be worth it. After that I’ll just take one course at a time so that I can devote most of my days to being Pope.

Only in Canada could a hard-working person become successful

Here we have another case where I know nothing about the Heritage Moment honoree excepting what the Heritage Moment tells me. I guess he is supposed to be someone I should know since his vision has circled the world and the company “still bears his name”, but I don’t know the guy or the company. Schoolin’ failed me again where television did the real work.

That said, I like Joseph-Armand Bombardier. Based on this propaganda piece at least. We have a bunch of kids thrilled that the store has got a new shipment of some sort of sporting equipment (those big hand paddles must be for… swimming? I guess? They’re like big webbed finger gloves?), but one kid is not interested. He’s got bigger plans in mind. He uses his money to learn about building stuff and inventing and he goes on to be Wicked Successful! Outtasight! I guess he invented the modern-style snowmobile and such, which is a good Canadian invention, so I approve. But I also like his attitude. He’s shown to be focused and driven, which is the kind of person I wish I was, so I want to be like him. Also, I like the way he pulls that one kid’s hat down over his eyes as he leaves the store.

This piece doesn’t rank high in the quotability department, though. That’s where it hurts. I guess “Hey, I can pay” is something, but it also represents where Joseph-Armand’s attitude can have downsides. The guy never said you couldn’t pay, Joseph-Armand. He said the tools weren’t for sale. This is probably because he was using them even as you were asking, you lunkhead! For my money, the real quote-line here is the nearly hidden “That is propequipment!” which is delivered just right to make me love it.

I can’t rank this one too highly. Four out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. It doesn’t amaze or amuse as greatly as some, but it does its job and that is important. It is one of the Heritage Moments that builds the backbone of Heritage Moments. Solid showing.

I must add this though: Joseph-Armand made “a lot of money serving mass” apparently? What the chunks? Was I supposed to make money doing that? The Catholic Church owes me big time. Just sayin’. Just sayin’ make me Pope is all. Just sayin’.

It sure is today out there.

Well, I’m pretty sure I left my copy of Brighton Rock on a bus someplace. It could be worse, I was only a couple pages into it, so I wasn’t all that invested (when I lost my copy of Don Quixote a few years back, I had invested months of reading time into it, so I needed to buy another copy), but I hope that someone finds and reads it. That’s the best result we can hope for at this point.


You ain’t never seen
a truck like this one before.
It has ballistae.

There was this thing in the paper last night about some Austrian priests who wanted to see some changes in the Church and the Pope was all like “Nah”, well fear not Austrian priests. When I am the Pope, I will have your back. Just get me in there, guys.