George Oscar Bluth Jr. could have been an ideal example of a beekeeper, but his development was stunted by his less than virtuous personality. Born into a rich family, G.O.B. was overwhelmed by all the pressure to be bright, and wound up as a pretty big jerk. Still, he’s a beekeeper. He must have something going for him, right? Let’s find out:

G.O.B. got on board the bee business mostly to spite his family. Even though his business plan isn’t particularly well thought out (“How do you make money from it?” “You know, honey. Or just as gifts.”), he’s stuck with it a lot longer than many of his schemes. For a time, G.O.B. kept his bees in his apartment, keeping them in line with his magic smoke, which is pretty badass. Unfortunately, this only resulted in a very sick swarm of bees (“My bees are dropping like flies, and I need them to fly like bees.”). He kept them at an expensive bee hospital, but got kicked out of there because his bees were a risk to all the other bees in the place. After that, he kept them in a limousine. This is, perhaps, the best phase of his beekeeping career. Not because he’s at all successful, but because he gets to identify himself as a “gentleman honey farmer” and his swarm attacked an entourage of young celebrity jerks (though G.O.B. didn’t even notice). That’s a plus.

Okay, he’s not good at realistic-style beekeeping, but that’s not what I’m about here. G.O.B., like all the best beekeepers, is more than just a beekeeper. His primary occupation is magician. Magic beekeeper? That’s a good combination. Or it would be, if his magic career wasn’t full of failures even more spectacular than his bee business. Okay, but what about fighting prowess? G.O.B. is pretty prone to getting into physical altercations (usually with his brother). But he’s not particularly good at that either. And Beekeeper Rage? Well, G.O.B. manages to circumvent that one by not being beekeeper enough to attain it. He’s got plenty of regular rage, though.

So what is the final countdown of G.O.B.’s score? It’s not good. I gave the beekeepers from the Simpsons a bonus for just being from a great show, and Arrested Development is certainly a great show, but I can’t do that for G.O.B. His failure is just too strong a part of the character. And I don’t think he ever collected a single bit of honey. It’s almost like they were trying to make him comedically bad at the job. Come on!

One Honeycomb out of Five. GOB Bluth is possibly one of the worst beekeepers in the history of beekeepers, but he’s still pretty great. Maybe when the show comes back, he’ll find some success and get the last laugh. He’ll be the laughingstock of the beekeeping world.

The Voider

This is going to sound harsh, but someone has to say it: Devils are jerks. Sure, they seem nice when they show up and offer you some kind of great deal. Riches, fame, power to stomp down your enemies? That stuff is all really great, and all it costs is your soul? Well gee, you say, who needs a soul anyway? It probably isn’t even real! This smiling devil seems to know the score, he’s got a nice suit, and all he wants is your name, signed in blood, on this contract? Easy as pie!

And that’s how they get ya. The soul-buying devils are the con artists of the supernatural set, but one man is through with their nonsense. Motivated by nothing more than his belief that deceitful devils are being unfair to their victims, the man known as the Voider, apparently some kind of street-fighting mystic, has made it his life’s work to void as many supernatural contracts as possible. If possible he will help victims get out of their suffering by making use of obscure escape clauses and loopholes, but if that comes to a point where his only option is to hang out at crossroads at midnight and beating the holy heck out of anyone who shows up, well that’s just how it is going to be.

Sea Chieftan

The Aqua-Vikings are a mer-people tribe that values strongness and toughness above all else. As it turns out, this means that many of the most prominent members of their clans are the ones who maintain more fish-style attributes. As you rise in the hierarchy, you find more scaled faces and webbed fingers. But when you reach the top, you find a merman who has barely any man in him at all: The Sea Chieftan. almost like a whale in size, but a shrimp in intellect, the boss of the Aqua-Vikings maintains control of the Secret Faction whose territory covers most of the Earth with his sheer strength. But beyond maintaining that control, the Chieftan has no real goals. He’s content to just tread water while the other Factions decide the fate of the world at large.

I’m gonna level with you: I spelled “chieftain” wrong at the inking point of the drawing and didn’t catch it because I hardly ever use the word. I could have fixed it when I noticed it, but instead I decided it was a character thing. I can do that. Nobody ever said I couldn’t.

I’m sick, so I’m using my alien wizard buffer characters again…

Zerbdoffer

When Zerbdoffer became a Wallfixer, he decided that the best way to help maintain the stability of the multiverse would be to work as a translator when first contact was made between species from different dimensions. So now, Zerbdoffer tries to show up in such circumstances, to keep things running smoothly and peacefully. This has made a lot of enemies among the various organizations trying to conquer as many universes as possible. (His species)

Vantour the Living

Vantour is from a species that has defeated life. Vantour’s people have devised a process of transferring their consciousnesses into computers. Vantour is the sole member of the species who has not undergone this process. As the rest of the species was moving into their future, Vantour was discovered by the Wallfixers. Since the upgrade process would risk losing mystical powers, Vantour decided to remain as is, a living anachronism devoted to protecting a world that is now more online than off.

As much as possible, I’ve been trying to make the Wallfixers aliens who don’t look at all human. Vantour here seems to be an exception. Still, a tail, pointed ears, strange skin. Could be worse. At least the rest of the species is apparently even less human now.