Apparently, according to the newspaper like five days ago, Jerry Seinfeld will be coming here in Halifax to play a charity gig thing. I would be totally into seeing that, but the article said that tickets would mostly be made available to people who help support the QE II hospital here in the city. Now, naturally, I look upon all charity as a form of weakness and a waste of resources, so I am totally not gonna get those tickets. Oh well.

Haiku!

What’s the deal with toast?
Who saw bread and thought “add heat.”
Effing retarded.

Also, next week we get the new Futurama movie. This is a good thing that will make the world a better place. A review I read in the paper said that the movie was less a movie than a long episode, but I am totally okay with that.

I do wish that so many things in this post weren’t information gained from the newspaper I work at, but what can you do? And oddly enough, I like toast far, far more than regular bread. But that’s how the haiku came out. What do you want from me?

This week there was a riddle in the newspaper that asked “How many times can you subtract five from twenty-five” and gave the answer as being once, because then you were subtracting from twenty and so on.

I disagree. I think you can subtract it as many times as you damn well please. Look:

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

25 – 5 = 20

I could go on all night. But since I don’t like math, I ain’t gonna.

I have begun saving up to go on a trip to London. I am not smart enough to go alone, though. I just don’t have anyone to go with. It makes me sad. I’m sad a lot.

In other news, I am now being monitored by aliens. They are spying on me through plant life. But it’s cool. They’re not insidious. They’re just really bored.a

I do a lot of crossword puzzles at work (it keeps the mind off of how much of my life is being wasted) and a few weeks ago I came across a puzzler. The clue was “Fictional Character in the Marvel Comics Universe.” Now this is the sort of thing I ought to know. I may not know much when it all comes down to it, but this? This is my niche. But I didn’t get it. It was three letters and the middle one was “P”. The only thing that could fit would be Ape. And while there is a character named Ape (this Morlock in a toque who, if I remember correctly was a shapeshifter) there’s no way in heck he’s making it into a crossword. Especially one made for the South Shore of Nova Scotia’s Out and About section. But last night I saw the answers. It was “Ape”. What the chunks? Honestly?

Ah well. Good for Ape, I guess. Too bad I’m pretty sure he’s dead in the comics. But c’est la vie.

Haiku!

It’s a big bullet.
Shot from the world’s biggest gun.
It can break your soul.

Watched the Strangers With Candy movie yesterday. I had seen some people on the Internet complaining about it, but I liked it. People on the Internet complain too much. And we’ve been watching downloads of Duckman lately too. There’s a show that deserves to be on DVD.

Reoun an rtehr. Abg bein tkin afhbk ah, tba ggmibm, atihn inuin. R aybiyn fhgahiun jghb’jo. Uhubn nhbybuanhb. But what can you do?

And that’s it for now.

I saw the Tenacious D movie. Aside from Marq there were only eight other people in the place. It’s a shame. I saw Borat last weekend and it had a much bigger crowd.

I guess the fact that I didn’t even know about the D’s movie two weeks ago could signify a lacklustre hype buildup. More likely it’s just a sign of how out of touch I am now, though.

Also I shaved today. Man that is much more tedious than it works. Maybe as someone who shaves less than once a month these days, I shouldn’t complain about it, but until I have an adamantium razor that runs on magic, I’m probably not going to stop complaining.

Let’s see… I used to think the nighttime security lady was nicer than the daytime security lady, but lately it seems they’re both ornery old women who take their jobs too seriously. But then I still don’t understand why a newspaper printing plant needs twenty-four hour watchmen, a multitude of security cameras, required sign-in for anyone entering the building and passcards that you can’t get in or even out of the building without. And also you need those cards to get from different parts of the building. I admit right now, if I ever find spies from rival paper The Daily News who are curious to know what’s going on in there, I’ll be happy to tell them: We’re printing a freaking paper.

I still loathe my job, by the way.

Man. The easy night I was talking about before did turn out easy, but last night didn’t. All those possible malfunctions happened and made it a long night. I got home late, woke up late and now I have to go to work in like twenty minutes. I still hate my job, for the record.

Back on the short night however, I noticed that one of the flyers we were putting into the newspaper had a scratch and win contest in which one could supposedly win an Ipod. However a reading of the fine print said something like “Odds of winning Ipod 1 in 96,273” or something like that. But the flyer was only booked to go into 11,000 newspapers. I don’t think anyone is winning that Ipod. I think they’re just trying to get people’s hopes up. Advertising = Trickery!