I feel like I should be commenting on recent events in the world. There was this big wedding in England that everyone cared about and then forgot once Osama bin Laden got killed and also some kind of election in that country that borders the Nation of Patrick D Ryall on all sides.

On the former, I have to say that PDR is just not a big fan of weddings. I like the idea of marriages, but the whole big wedding to start them generally just annoys me. Now, I’ve had a good time at some wedding receptions, certainly, but the ritual, the ceremony, is usually boring to me. So seeing this blown up to royal levels in England, and then covered with fervor by the local newses (I only get one news channel, people. I need variety or I miss out on everything) made it even worse.

The night before the wedding we put a flyer into the newspaper at which I work that advertised plates with an image of Prince Whichever and his ladyfriend who were getting married. If even one person saw that flyer and thought “Oh, that looks nice, I should get that,” then I apologize for not sabotaging it before it could get to you. That plate was a waste of your money.

Similarly dominating the news, and more likely to have actual effects on the world I think, is the death of the most wanted terrorist. Perhaps my favorite aspect of this whole thing was a small blurb that was in last night’s paper that, if I may paraphrase from memory, went something like “some construction worker who had flown to Afghanistan to find bin Laden himself claims that his presence scared the terrorist leader out of the mountains to the city where he was found. The construction worker now wants millions of dollars for his services.” Possibly there is more legitimacy to the guy’s claim than the small article went into, but I would like to make it clear that my presence in this apartment totally kept Osama from being here. I’d be happy to settle for just a single million.

Haiku!

Rocketship captain.
Please don’t forget your loved ones
as you soar through space.

As for the Canadian election: Pretty much nobody I know was happy with the result so… sucks for pretty much everybody I know. But rest assured, the leadership of the Nation of PDR remains dedicated to maintaining peaceful relations with Canada while simultaneously trying to bring down the current form of society as a whole.

That’s it. Go away.

I read something in the paper the other day about a laser cannon that can be mounted on boats and set enemy boats’ engines on fire. This is to be used as a deterrent for pirates. We are using lasers to fight pirates. We are a step closer to being in a 21st Century of which I can approve.

Haiku!

Darn that Cosmonaut!
He stole my pepper shaker!
I was using that!

I do not have much else worth mentioning today. I’ll just leave you with a thought:If we’re so worried about the polar ice caps melting, why don’t we just surround the arctic with a bunch of refrigerators, open them all up and cool the whole place down! Problem saved!

So this weekend I got a new story up and an old story up. The latter, I’m pretty sure, even predated Contains2. I have no idea why it was not already on this site. The former was based entirely around the title, which I thought up at work one time.

Haiku!

Action hero man
shoots the gas tank just two times.
The chopper explodes.

So…. Frogs are pretty cool… so there’s that…

I think that’s it from me today…

Kiiip and I went out to see Paul this weekend and I shall now comment on that: I thought the movie was pretty good. It does not stand up in my head with Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead, but it amused me and that’s what matters.

Haiku!

Suppose the bears come
and we’re all unprepared.
What will we do then?

Here’s a thing: I don’t like mayonnaise. I do love cucumber sandwiches and wraps. I don’t know how to make a cucumber sandwich without mayo. It’s a complicated problem. What else do people use to make sandwiches? Butter? No way. Mustard? I do like mustard, but I don’t think it’d work with cucumber. Just the act of putting the mayo on the bread (or tortilla usually) is unappealing to me and I always end up with bits of it on my fingers. Usually if I get food on my fingers while preparing it, I can like it off, but with mayo it is just annoying.

Why am I ranting about mayonnaise? Because I ate a cucumber wrap while writing this, that’s why. Now the Internet knows.

I wonder if I could ride a unicycle. I try to imagine it in my head, without ever having been on one, and I can’t really tell if it should be hard or not. Someday I’ll have to try.

Haiku!

Women with lasers
protect the moon from vikings.
We thank you, ladies.

It is International Women’s Day, I guess. I’ll just get it out into the record that even though the the Nation of PDR has a 0% female population, it supports the rights of women everywhere and we strive to maintain good relations with them. In the meantime, I bring you a classic PDR story that I honestly thought was already on the Book of PDR: The Reason Women Were Allowed To Vote.