Flammable vs. Inflammable: The Real Story

Many years ago (The Bronze age) in a kingdom called England there lived a scientist named Robert J. Inflammable. From the time of his first words (”Biology”) his parents could tell that Robert would grow up to be a genius. He was enrolled in the best school England had to offer (The Michigan Institute of Technology). It was in MIT that Robert met the man who would turn out to be his arch-nemesis: Jack Flammable! The two started off as the best of friends, helping each other with all forms of scientific experiments. But as time went on Jack could not hide his jealousy of Robert’s superior intellect. After they graduated, they moved to separate towns and did not see each other for some time.

Robert moved to the Capital of England (Bosnia) and became the Royal Scientist. Here he met the King’s daughter (Greta Garbo). The two fell in love and were married. The happy couple had seventeen children (all twins) and all the while Robert did not give up on his scientific experiments.

Jack on the other hand had moved to Titan, the town best known for being one of Saturn’s moons, near the English Channel. Jack had found himself unable to continue his experiments, knowing that Robert was out there being smarter than him. He fell in love with a German waitress and they were to be married, but Jack’s constant inferiority complex drove her back to her place of birth (Nunavit). Jack was alone.

Then came MIT’s seventeenth annual class reunion. Robert had arrived hoping to unveil his latest scientific discovery: Fire! Jack had heard about the discovery and wanted to steal it for himself, thus becoming the greatest scientist of the century.

Before the ceremonies, Jack snuck into Robert’s lab hoping to steal his notes and sabotage his experiment. But while talking to his wife, Robert had an inspirational thought and wanted to make some last minute changes to his experiment.

He walked in on Jack looting his lab.

Robert tried to talk some sense into his former friend. Just because Robert was smarter didn’t mean that Jack wasn’t a genius in his own right.

But Jack couldn’t listen. He had to be the best, or die trying.

He leapt at Robert, hoping to kill him and flee, but he knocked over a beaker full of fire and the lab went up in flames!

In an effort to escape the two men put aside their differences and tried to invent a fire extinguisher, but while working out an equation for the device, the former friends were both burned to death.

Since both Robert J. Inflammable and Jack Flammable caught fire, both words are acceptable.

THE END

Patrick D Ryall, the D is for Action.
Originally posted on Contains2 Thursday 20 June 2002

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