The shirt I ordered from Telltale Games a few weeks back and accidentally picked a Women’s Small instead of a Men’s Large has arrived today. It is indeed, a Women’s Small and therefore useless to me.

So, if any of the theoretically millions of women who are reading this wear a size small t-shirt and like Sam and Max, you’re welcome to have it. But since none of you exist, this will take up space in my room for now.

I’ve managed to get Swimmer’s Ear. What the chunks? Homeboy can’t even swim! And yet here I spent the last day and a half with what feels like a tablespoon full of fluid in by my anvil and hammer and other tiny bone.

Apart from the fact that it occasionally gets painful (as I tried to sleep last morning for example) the primary problem with Swimmer’s Ear is that it blocks sounds like an earplug and that has the effect of amplifying inside-head noises like crunching or swallowing or that constant swearing voice that we all try so hard to block out.

Anyway, I can officially state that I’m not a fan of Swimmer’s Ear. You’re all amazed to hear it.

Haiku!

Duck language is hard.
Too many words sound the same.
Ducks should learn English.

I looked up the other tiny bone. It’s the stirrup. No wonder I didn’t remember that. Back when they taught me about the earbones, I probably had no idea what a stirrup was, so it didn’t stick in my mind the way the others did. They really should have taught me about stirrups first. I now officially hate the Canadian school system.

The good news is that, according to Dictionary.com the word “Fuck” when translated into Estonian, becomes “Jamama” which is awesome. The bad news is that it only does so when used in the sense of “To fuck with some one’s mind” or “I’m gonna fuck with those guys over there so they think dogs are made of ham” or whatever, but not as a simple curse. Which is a shame, because the idea of some guy dropping a hammer on his toe and yelling “Jamama!” really did have an appeal to me.

I would like the Wikipedia to make a list of real-life supervillains. That, I think, would be a useful category. Any criminal with a bizarre deformity could make the list. As could any who use code-names like the Zodiac Killer or the Unabomber. Most dictators would also be on the list. That would be a great list. Get working on that, Wikipedia guys.

This week I tried Soy Milk. I was shopping and say that the instructions on the carton read “Shake Well and Buy Often!” I figured that making such a blatant command was such a ballsy move that I’d reward them by giving them a shot. Of the options the store had (plain, unsweetened, vanilla) I decided to go with plain (though I was confused by the idea that “plain” and “unsweetened” wouldn’t be the same thing, but I didn’t dwell on it). Well, anyway, I tried it both as a straight-from-the-carton beverage and as a poured-on-Alphabits thing. My findings indicate that I don’t plan to buy it again any time soon. I can’t say it disgusted me or anything, it was passable and if that was all I had to drink I’d get by, but it isn’t what I was used to. I don’t expect it makes sense to anyone but myself, but I found it was too “high-pitched” (or whatever the taste equivalent of that would be) for my liking. I don’t remember what brand it was, but I’m prepared to generalize and say that they’re all the same. I give it Three out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake.

Also this week, with Wade being back in town for the briefest of times, I got a chance to Zombies!!! The two of us played, joined by Marq. Now it’s fair to say that I have a pretty pro-zombie attitude. I’m pretty much right in this game’s target audience. But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell something is crap even when it has zombies in it. That said, this is not crap. I very much enjoyed this game. Wade got the rules out relatively succinctly for such a complex game, so it isn’t too confusing so long as you’ve got someone who knows what they’re doing (and it probably isn’t so bad for people who can, y’know, figure things out by reading instructions, but in that category I am not). The game went pretty quick, it felt, and the final run for the winning spot had Wade look like he had it in the bag, only to wind up with me then coming even closer (one move away if that zombie dog hadn’t got me!) and then Marq finally closed in and won. The rapid turnover at the end really made it quite fun. Five out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake.