I was thinking recently about the times I’ve been in the hospital. For my own benefit I am going to try to make a list of them. I’m going to go reverse-chronologically, because I’m working on my tachyon impression.

• About two years ago, I think (so 2006ish) I crushed my hand in a machine at work. Hours later the bleeding had not stopped and when I got to ER, I found out I’d lost a fingernail. Not a terribly long wait time. Some X-Rays and some poking and I got called a very good patient. It did take the convincing of like eleven people at work to get me to bother taking that trip. And even then I didn’t go straight from work. I went home to check my email and got a slice of pizza before I finally walked to the hospital.
• Around Summer 2001 I had what appeared to be blood in bodily functions that blood is not supposed to be a part of. It was my mother’s idea to get it checked out at the emergency room, plus I got to miss a day of work (I was a security guard then). So… this trip was essentially me getting probed in those certain regions. I remember making lots of jokes that the doctors and nurses either didn’t get or weren’t paying attention to. I don’t remember the wait being too long and the problem went away on its own immediately after that with me never actually getting an answer what caused it (though the doctor mentioned that some cereals have dye that can look like blood when it comes out…) More importantly I remember we decided to stop at KFC on the way home from the hospital and they were out of chicken. No fooling. Also when I called my employers to tell them I’d miss a day, they demanded I get a note from the doctor. They never came to get the note from me and I think I still have it around here somewhere (I keep it because like a week later Kip wrote his medical opinion of me, “Yer ah jackass!” on it).
• Another time, I think I was about sixteen, but don’t ask me to figure out what year that would have been, I was taking out the garbage on a snowy day and slipped in the ditch and twisted my ankle. I remember my brother asking me if I was okay and, being embarrassed I just told him to go inside. I literally crawled up the stairs to the house and eventually went to bed. I lived in the basement back then, so the next morning I again had to literally crawl up some stairs to get and my mother, seeing this, brought me to the hospital. I remember being impressed by the fact that when they saw me limping my way to the door with my mother’s help some orderlies greeted me with a wheelchair. I suppose that they do that stuff every day, though, so they know what they’re doing. The wait this time was really bad. Hours of sitting in that wheelchair and waiting. I got some X-rays but nothing was broken, so it was ice and not using the leg. Made sense.
• Junior High I got a weird rash one day. It was all over my legs. I don’t remember all that much of that particular trip, aside from the female doctor seeing my junk. I do remember that the rash was because of something which Sounded like “Hypo-purple-itis” and that made sense because the rash was purplish, but of course I don’t know what the thing actually was called.
• And once a very, very young PDR had some manner of dehydration and actually had to spend a couple nights in the hospital. It was over the holidays and, the way I remembered it growing up I missed Christmas. I have been assured though that I was actually home at Christmas and it was New Years Eve that I missed. I guess my child-mind equated not getting to play with all his (no doubt awesome) presents as essentially missing Christmas. The only important thing to come out of this is now, when I get a physical and they ask if I’ve ever had a stay in the hospital I have to answer about this vague thing instead of just saying that I’ve not.
• Also, my understanding is that I was born in a hospital. I’m taking other people’s word for that one, though because I sure don’t remember that. And you’d think you’d remember something that important.

So that’s that. The stuff of future medical textbooks.

Tachyons are the one that move backwards in time right? Am I making that up?

Y’know, since I removed the ability to comment on two of my post (this and this). I have not received ANY spam comments. I wonder what was so special about those that made them targets of all the spammers of the world?

Anyway, I have to come up with a million dollar idea and fast? What do people need more? Robot waiters that are programmed to explode if you order everything in Aramaic or genetically engineered fish who can build underwater statues of birds? I only have the resources to one of these ideas at a time and I have no idea where to start.

Haiku!

Yo, my hostages.
I suppose you want freedom.
Are your parents rich?

Once again, I have nothing particularly interesting to speak of involving my own life. But I do have that trip to New York coming up next month. I anticipate that it, even though very brief, will be pretty sweet. But apart from that, I can honestly say that I could not really tell my life at this point from my life a year ago. There’s really not been much change.

I totally managed to lose my paycheck yesterday. A message was left on my telephone answering machine message device machine that told me some guy had found it and… and that’s where the guy got cut off by the end of the message. So I had no idea how to find this guy. He said his name, but since he was talking into the intercom in the lobby of this building, the sound was not great. I thought it was “Rob Drone” but I may have just been hearing that because it sounds like it would be an awesome name for a robot. Anyway, as I pondered how to get in touch with this guy and gets my moneys, I found that he had tucked it in through the slot on my mailbox. His mechanical brain saved the day and I got my pay. Of course, I have no way of thanking him in person, so I will just say on here that I am thankful to the man/android who returned my check to me.

I also spent yesterday without the Internet access, but that ordeal is over too. Yesterday weren’t nothing but trouble.

So, one of the local newspapers recently went very suddenly out of business. The only problem is that it wasn’t the one I work for. I feel like the wrong one was slain. Not only was the tabloid format of that other paper easier to read, but I have seen plenty of reasons to dislike the character of the company that I work for that I truly would take joy in their downfall. And the worst part is that I just bet that the upper management of my company are telling themselves that they put the other paper out of business in spite of the fact that they seem to be running a company based on embezzling, pettiness, nepotism and ignorance. At least I can take some comfort in the fact that I’ve been telling people how the newspaper industry is obsolete for some time now.

And so, last night we had to run over five thousand more papers than before. That’s just what I wanted More customers. The fact that this will all temporarily boost my company really makes me hate it that much more.

Plus people lost their jobs, so I guess they have it worse than me.

I just saw this billboard on the trip home that was advertising Diamond Shreddies. Now, as I recall Shreddies were square, so making them diamond shaped would really just be holding them differently. So unless this is cereal with actual diamond in it, I’m confused.

Also, I don’t like billboards all that much. Actually not really at all. I find them ugly.