Giants are real! It turns out they’re twenty feet tall and live in castles with doors too small for them to get out. That’s why you haven’t met any giants.

Anyhow, I am totally enjoying not being at work for a while. But I’ve now hit the days where I would have been off anyway and realize how much I really, really just don’t want to go back. But I’ve said enough about that, I’m sure.

Haiku!

Brigands in the cave!
Don’t walk past the cave, you fool.
They want to rob you.

I don’t know how to fix Contains2. The Internet doesn’t like me. And since Marq has zero interest in looking into it, I guess it’s just screwed. How fun for me.

On the plus side, I now know that I can knock open a door if I have to. The downside consists of our door now being broken. But it was broken when I broke it, so it’s all good. The little metal bit that goes into the hole to keep the whole thing shut isn’t there any more, so I guess we’ll have to use the lock as a means of holding the door shut. How sad. I really don’t care for locks.

In other news, yesterday I was questioned by someone about my accent again. A little old lady in my building wondered if I was English and then someone who I know slightly better admitted that they thought I was English for a while too. So add that to the times people thought I was French or from the American South or a generic “American” sounding. I honestly don’t know how I talk, but I kinda enjoy that it confuses everyone. I’m sticking with the theory that since I declared my independance I’ve developed my own accent.

Moving from the style I speak to the content of what I say I must recall a conversation with Marq from a few days back. I was all “Don’t you listen when I talk?” and he replied “Well, two thirds of what you say is about gay sex, so no…” and I could not fault him for it.

Y’know, I really do like comics. Just thought I’d get that out there.

Let’s see… As always, I have no interesting news in my life. Last week Wade and I saw the movie Fido. That was fun. Hmmmm. I won some stuff on Ebay, but lost other stuff. Marq and I had chinese food today. Skipping the parts about work, that about sums up my previous week. Next time, I’ll try to be more interesting… Or will I?

And finally, just to keep it out there I will remind you all:
Beekeepers are the new ninjas.

Around the beginning of the year, I happily foreshadowed something called the Ape Slave Trading Manual. This was going to be a little magazine thing put out by Marq and myself in which we could write/draw/do pretty much whatever nonsense we wanted and nobody could stop us even the President. I was really excited about the whole thing.

But Marq lost interest pretty quickly (even though it was his idea in the first place) and I have to face it, it’s just not going to happen. But I don’t want to waste all the stuff that would have gone into the magazine, so I am going to start bringing it to you here. Some of it (like the main photo story which was never finished and my article about how happy I was to have a magazine) will be lost, but I’ll salvage what I can.

Today I bring you what would have been the “Fun and Games” section. A maze!

On the plus side, maybe now that I am finally willing to admit my dreams of the magazine have been crushed, I will be able to write for the site here again. That’s a plus…

A day or two ago Marq and I went to rent some movies and on the way back we saw this guy in a lobster costume. I feared it might be my arch-nemesis, so I was afraid, but it hugged Marq and went away. As it left we realized it was advertising some kind of insurance company. I would’ve thought it would be for something involving lobsters, but I guess not…

Also that day (or the next or the one before, I am not a doctor, I can’t remember everything) we were walking through the parking lot of our building. I, being awesome, decided to try to throw my keys at the door to see if they would open it. They did not, but instead landed on the ground in front of the door. As I bent down to pick them up, some guy opened the door and nearly hit me in my head. Both Marq and I had been thinking of variations on exactly that happening before it occured.

And I’m starting to think maybe the reason Contains2 is down has something to do with my credit card. I got a new one several months ago and I remember putting the new information into the account, but that doesn’t mean I did it right. But then the bank has also been trying to call me for a week or so, so maybe tomorrow I’ll call them back and see if there isn’t something dastardly afoot. Like a lobster attack. Oh crap. I wish I had lobster insurance.