Captain Krakk

When Dr. Malevolence was defeated by her superhero enemies for the umpteenth time, her teleportation technology went haywire and sent her spiraling through various dimensions. Just barely managing to save herself, Malevolence found herself stranded in a strange dimension populated by crustaceoid beings that were apparently as intelligent as humans. Arbitrarily, she picked one of these beings and offered him the benefit of her technology if he would serve her. And serve her he did. This crab-like man, named Krakk, became Malevolence’s loyal military leader, helping her raise an army to conquer not only that world, but to bring back to Earth with her once she was able.

Now Malevolence is home again, but she maintains a interdimensional portal in her secret laboratory. Captain Krakk is in charge of things on his world, living in a palace built by the strange Earth technology and using his army to keep the rest of the populace as slaves. While he must occasionally quell uprising of his people, he is also summoned to Earth to aid his benefactor in her times of need.

I wanted to draw some kind of lobstery guy, so I did. I think I was at least partially inspired by General Traag, the leader of Krang’s rock soldiers from Dimension X on the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon, so I tried to create a similar-feeling for Krakk’s backstory.

Propheseer

An old man with a big book. Where the Propheseer received his book is not known, but it seems to contain factual depictions of future events. The bad news is, the book describes dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of disasters that will befall the human race. The good news is, it ends with the wounded remains of humanity recovering and forming a new and better society. That future ideal world is the Propheseer’s motivation. To bring that happy place into existence, he has to make certain that the disasters happen. But since the Noblewoman came onto the scene, disasters are having a harder time wiping out humanity.

Is there any hope for the human race? Would we be better off just wiping the slate clean and starting over? I’ve known people who are down on the world and have said that. But I consider that a defeatist attitude. My superheroes would be about making the world a better place through hard work, not giving up and trying anew. I’ve already given Noblewoman a few villains this year, but she seemed a good fit for this concept, so she gets another.

I woke up today absolutely convinced that I had a pet lobster that lived in my fridge. I knew I was coming out of a dream, but for a moment I was certain that that part was based in fact. Dreams are weird, man.

I am nuts for pistachios! And they’re a type of nut! Are you not entertained? There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I don’t actually feel like working at it. But anyway, I had a half-finished bag of pistachios, right? And I couldn’t find it, right? Then I found it, right? I had put it in the fridge. I don’t know why I did that. I don’t remember doing that. I assume this is a sign that I am, in fact, nuts. There. This paragraph is finished.

Haiku!

Sometimes you fall down.
You needn’t be embarrassed.
Stop friggin’ crying.

So… What else is there to talk about? Lobsters? Should we talk about lobsters? How about them lobsters? There should be more blue lobsters. There should be flying lobsters. We should build a city designed for lobsters and sink it just to see what happens. Will the lobsters move in and flourish? Will they create lobster politics and lobster mores? Will they learn from what they see an build more lobster cities all throughout the seas? Will they then move to land? Will they be our friends, or will we be bitter enemies? And will humanity be able to resist their might?

I know basically nothing about lobsters.

Here’s something: I don’t like to drink tea. No type of tea has ever been an appealing beverage for PDR. Sometimes people who like tea try to convince me to try it. And somehow, every time this occurs, I end up using the expression “It’s not my cup of tea.”

This is never done intentionally. I’m not purposely making a pun in this instance. It always comes out of my mouth before I can catch it. And the weirdest part is that, as far as I have noticed, it isn’t an expression that I often use in other circumstances. If someone was trying to get me to like lobster, I’d just be like “Nah, I don’t like lobster” but with tea it’s always “Nah, it’s not my cup of… dammit!”

Sometimes I wonder just what goes on inside my brain.

A day or two ago Marq and I went to rent some movies and on the way back we saw this guy in a lobster costume. I feared it might be my arch-nemesis, so I was afraid, but it hugged Marq and went away. As it left we realized it was advertising some kind of insurance company. I would’ve thought it would be for something involving lobsters, but I guess not…

Also that day (or the next or the one before, I am not a doctor, I can’t remember everything) we were walking through the parking lot of our building. I, being awesome, decided to try to throw my keys at the door to see if they would open it. They did not, but instead landed on the ground in front of the door. As I bent down to pick them up, some guy opened the door and nearly hit me in my head. Both Marq and I had been thinking of variations on exactly that happening before it occured.

And I’m starting to think maybe the reason Contains2 is down has something to do with my credit card. I got a new one several months ago and I remember putting the new information into the account, but that doesn’t mean I did it right. But then the bank has also been trying to call me for a week or so, so maybe tomorrow I’ll call them back and see if there isn’t something dastardly afoot. Like a lobster attack. Oh crap. I wish I had lobster insurance.