PDR vs RCMP. Again.

Those of you who follow my life religiously and commit every detail to memory will recall the time I got hassled by the fuzz for just walking at night a couple years back. It just happened again. Once again I use this site as a place to log my time on the wrong side of the law.

There were some differences beyond it being two years later, of course. Take a moment to familiarize yourselves with the details of the old case and I will compare. This time I was dressed in all kinds of black clothing again, but instead of the rebel insignia, I was wearing a shirt with the Venture Brothers logo designed to look like a skull. I was stopped in front of the same gas station as before, but there was no backup. And instead of an attractive woman, the cop was a man. Still pretty attractive though, if you’re into that sort of thing. And I got some details on exactly why I was being questioned. Apparently it went beyond walking around a four in the morning. Get this: A man around my height with dark clothing has been, wait for it, Exposing Himself To People. I match the description of a Flasher.

You know, trenchcoats have a bad reputation, but usually I just have put up with the stereotype of dressing like all those idiot school shooters and psychotic loners and stuff. I mean, sure, I’ve had people comment on flashers wearing trenchcoats before, but generally that negative stereotype of we trenchcoat wearers is mentioned only occasionally. Now, the copper said the flasherman was wearing “dark clothes” so I don’t even know if he actually was wearing a trenchcoat himself or not. Either way, I hope he’s freakin’ happy making it just that much harder for people like me to wear trenchcoats and not be evil and suspicious looking.

Oh well. Stay tuned for the next adventure of PDR vs. RCMP, whenever it may occur.

Save Our Vandalism!

There’s this graffiti on the sidewalk down the road from my apartment that has been there for as long as I can remember. It reads: “HULK HOGAN”

I have grown to love this bit of vandalism because I am amused by things like the random advertising of a wrestler’s name on a sidewalk for no reason. In fact the graffiti doesn’t even specify anything about the man, just his name. I like that sort of thing.

Years ago, it started fading away, but someone else must have also liked it because they were willing to spray over it again to freshen it up. As good a public service as this is, I do have to fault the artist for changing the slogan to read” “HULK HOGAN PART 2” because instead of simply preserving the original piece, they have instead felt the need to make themselves a part of the work, calling attention to their re-spraying. I felt that was unnecessary. Better to simply keep the piece alive on its own, I thought.

But anyway, the thing is getting faded again and I’m hoping that some civic minded individual might get around to keeping the tag alive, preferably just the original words. After all, this is our heritage I’m talking about.

Apparently, it can happen.

I just had, my own self, one of those dreams where inside the dream you wake up but you’re actually still inside the dream. In this case, I probably should have realized I was still dreaming because of little facts like that it was Halloween (except actually it was 6 AM the following morning, but kids were still out) and instead of living on the tenth floor, I was on the third or so. Also I was growling constantly and unable to stop, making me think werewolf.

Prior to waking up the dream had been some sort of videogame style adventure I was on that I don’t remember all that many details except that I blew up a bridge after having successfully made a deal with a lady criminal mastermind simply by not being willing to steal the microchips I was supposed to steal from her.

Interstate 2008

With gas prices as high as they are these days, I find myself wondering “What would Groove Champion do?”

And the answer is obvious. All of you should attach guns to your cars and fight crime and corrupt corporations. Get to it, folks.

I Condemn This Damn Thing To Hell!

I just found some website that scans websites and generates a movie-style rating for the thing. I got a “G” rating and the only negative comment was the word “gun” was used. I’m sure it only scans the words on the front page and not all the stuff I’ve posted before, but dammit, I don’t want no “G” rating. Fuck that shit. This here post is gonna knock that motherfucking rating out of the park and make it whore itself out to cannibals, fatass! Fuck yeah! Go kill a panda then smoke some crack!

I remembered one of the things that I was going to comment on during those four shitty days without the crappy site working: I read a review of the latest Indiana Jones in which the asshole reviewer complained that “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is too long for a title. That’s a serious complaint? Now I was already someone who preferred distinct titles to stupid simple generic-sounding ones, but this is just too much. Seven syllables is too much for the masses to handle? That’s crap. And bullshit. I mean, it isn’t as though you can’t shorten it to “Kingdom” or “Crystal Skulls” or whatever you want when you’re just talking about it, so what the hell is the problem? We need everything presented to us in fucking soundbite form now? We’re really becoming a species of ass-for-brains. Aren’t we? Shit.

But in the interests of pleasing a bunch of asstarded fuckholing shitsnouts, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to kill all kinds of old movie and book titles and shit and turn them into a bunch of retarded fuckhead-friendly short titles. Here you go, assblasters:

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest = Committed
A Streetcar Named Desire = Bad Times
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde = Dual Nature
The Silence of the Lambs = Murderers
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret = Growing Up
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance = Outlaw Killer
The Bridge on the River Kwai = Soldiers
Judgment at Nuremberg = War Trial
ET: The Extra-Terrestrial = The Phone-Homer
American History X = White Guys
To Kill A Mockingbird = Finchy!
A Midsummer Night’s Dream = Fairies!
It’s A Wonderful Life = Christmas Sucks
The Shawshank Redemption = Jail Movie
The Catcher in the Rye = Hold On, Holden
Beneath The Planet of the Apes = Monkey Caves!
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle = Good Burgers!
The Return of the Jedi = Save Solo!
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind = Mindfuck!

Well, that’s enough of that shit. I mean, fuck, anyone can see my point already and it’s harder than it looks. Shit.

Haiku!

Jack is a retard.
Fuck! His brain is fucking weak!
Dude can’t think ’bout shit!

It’s fucking awesome how swearing makes a post seem so much angrier than usual. Maybe this is why people fight so fucking much on the Internet. What a bunch of fucking retard shitsmelling cockbags. Maybe I should talk on some shit that actually angers me…

Now for a message to all those out there who place your own selves over everyone else. All the criminals and dictators and assholes and that shit. You cocksuckers are what is wrong with this fucking species. You think that as long as the world sucks your dick then all is Fucking Good? Well, every time you jerkoffs make someone else’s day a little fucking worse, they start to become a little more desperate to make their own lives better and they become a bit more assholey like you. It’s one of those vicious fuckin’ cycles you hear about. Some retarded douchebag wants some money, so he steals some from some poor shitstain on the street, right? Well now that shitstain needs money to feed his family and shit. And he’s all pissed because the douchebag made him a victim and he wants to validate his own ego, so he picks on someone else. The bad vibes spread and some other retarded douchebag things “Hey, this world ain’t fuckin’ fair and I gotta feed myself, I might as well steal shit.” You know? And on big scales like corrupt fucking governments and greedy bitchass corporations? Those bastards cause some real worldwide fucking bad vibes. We get fucking poor people in fucking poor countries who are jealous of the douchebags who take what they need and they want to feed themselves and make themselves not be fucking victims anymore, so they lash out with the fucking bombs and fucking guns and do murders and shit. FUCK! Can’t you douchebags get that into your fucking eyeballs or are your eyeballs covered in love juices from the giant cock of greed that you keep strokin’? Huh? Is that what it is? You guys make me sick! You’re a bunch of fucktastic, retardical shitass Neanderfuck Necrophiles! So fuck the fuck off!

There, now that that swear-filled rant is on the Internet, the world with change. Hooray.

Now let me see what rating that shitsoaked website says the Book of PDFNR gets now.