So I was supposed to get this package from FedEx last week and they showed up twice, each time around 12:30 in the afternoon and I was, of course, asleep. They left a note saying the package would be returned to sender, though upon calling I was told I should be able to drive out to the company’s office or whatever and pick it up myself.

At first I blamed my own hours for being the reason the package failed to be delivered, but upon retrospection it occurred to me that most normal folk would be at work at 12:30 in the afternoon, so they would not have received their packages either. It’s totally FedEx’s fault. FedEx bites.

I assume the package is the gift I got for my mother for Mother’s Day. I guess that means she’ll be the one driving me out there to get that thing.

Haiku!

Behold the Mummy!
He can bench nine hundred pounds.
Also, he has guns.

What else? Let’s see…
If science is so great, then why can’t it tell me which way is up?

I picked up some matzo bread this last week and quite enjoyed it. Now I’m hooked. There was a twenty-four hour period over the weekend where I ate nothing but matzo and Tic Tacs. I wonder what that was about. Sometimes I have to agree with those who consider me odd.

Hakiu!

Going back to work.
It’s like my blood wants to die.
There is no freedom.

Once there was a boy named Filby. He had no hat, because nobody was willing to buy him one. Thus, when the asteroid fell on his head, no hat was ruined. The end.

One thing that sucks: When you bite into something and it turns out to be crunchy, but you didn’t think it would be. I don’t know, like, ice cream or something. You’re expecting a regular dose of soft serve and suddenly your teeth are crushing something. No, this has not happened to me. I just thought of it for some reason. If it does happen to me soon, this paragraph proves that I am psychic.

Haiku!

Hamburger tango!
Can you not feel the glory?
Today is Friday.

My Internet is running slowly just now. I wonder if twenty thousand doctors are all trying to log onto the Internet at once for medical advice about some sudden epidemic of a disease where people’s hair has nerve endings in it. That would cause Internet slowdown.

Anyway, that’s it until I’m back from the New York.

I go on a trip to New York City on Friday! As I pointed out to Marq, if we consider New York to be the underworld I am going there on Good Friday and returning on Easter Sunday. I’m just saying is all.

Haiku!

I am not Jesus.
If I was I’d have powers.
Wish I had powers…

I have never been outside of Canada’s borders, so this will be a first. Also, I will get to miss a day of work. I never have a problem with that.

Yesterday I saw a Giant Monster Movie in the moving picture cinema theatre. I enjoyed it quite a lot and am sure that the Giant Monster genre is in for a big rebirth. Of course that will only really amount to a heap of really bad Giant Monster Movies being made until the whole idea is tired and I’m begging for them to stop (I’m about there for zombies, for example) but I’ve wanted more movies with giant stuff for so long that I’m willing to go on that ride. Next, I think I’ll demand a resurgence of

Haiku!

It’s unstoppable.
Your puny guns can’t hurt it!
You might as well quit.

I used Superman body wash yesterday. I had found it in the store a while back and kept forgetting to use it, but yesterday I remembered. Turns out I don’t much care for it. And it didn’t give me Superman powers, so it’s just an all around disappointment really. I’d have to give it a mere one slice of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. And that’s just because it has Superman on it.

That’s it. Go away.