Last year I accidentally started a tradition I will continue this year. To cut down on how much I spend on books, I will only put in one order online for books a year and that occasion will occur when John Swartzwelder puts out his newest novel. Well, it turns out that this time is coming soon because I am now seeing the announcement that “The Fifty Foot Detective” a new Frank Burly novel, is due out sometime this Spring. The absurd and gloriously stupid adventures of Frank Burly are good, but now that I’ve ties it to my only book-ordering event of the year, it will be like a holiday. I am already trying to make a list of books to order so that on the very day the Fifty Foot Detective hits Amazon, I am going to declare it National Bookorderin’ Day in the Nation of PDR.
In less happy news, I feel like I should also mention that Dwayne McDuffie died this week. He was the first comic writer I ever sent an email to with this magic Internet thing and he was nice enough to answer it and everything. It’s a shame he died so young, while he was still contributing so much because now we’ll never know what else he may have given to comics and animation.
Okay, I just spent like an hour looking for a Kurt Vonnegut quote I remembered in part, but didn’t know which book it was in. Now that I’ve finally got it, I’m going to put it up here just so the next time I want to remember it I can find it more easily:
“When a child, and not watching comedians on film or listening to the radio, I used to spend a lot of time rolling around on rugs with uncritically affectionate dogs we had.
And I still do that. The dogs become tired and confused and embarrassed long before I do. I could go on forever.
Hi ho.”
–Kurt Vonnegut, Slapstick or Lonesome No More!
I successfully managed to forget my keys at work! The ironic downside to this awesome occurrence is that I simultaneously managed to fail to remember to bring my keys home from work. Some would say that that is a more important fact than the first one, but they are Too Negative.
Seriously though, I just spent the last four hours locked out of my apartment. Mostly this was okay because I spent those four hours eating a burger, going for a walk while listening to music, reading in the lobby of my building and then buying donuts before finally I was rescued by a guy who works in my building. Super? Custodian? Some other thing? I have no idea who does what in this building, but whoever that guy is, my thanks go to him.
Haiku!
Doors are made of wood.
Lasers are made of pure light.
They are different.
It has been a long time since I’ve locked myself out. The last time I remember was like five or six years ago. And it was for a longer amount of time that time, but then I had somewhere else to go.
The joke is that I didn’t post anything on April Fools Day, I guess.
I got poisoned, though! Well, not really, but on Thursday I ate one of these little yogurt parfaits that the Superstore sells and the blueberries tasted a bit off, but because I wanted to get to the oatmeal beneath them, I just kept right on eatin’. After I woke up later Thursday I had a terrible taste in my mouth and a bit of general queasiness and such. I figure I probably shouldn’t have eaten those blueberries. Blueberries are delicious when they are fresh, but not worth it when they aren’t. Fact. I’m still in love with the parfaits, though. I’ll stick with the strawberry for now.
So, I bought a book a few weeks back (Trouble With Lichen, by John Whyndam) and was like sixty or more pages into it when I realized that thirty pages were missing. In a row. And it isn’t a clean tear, either. There is enough of the pages left in that I can make out whole words in some instances. That is the sort of thing that I should have caught before I bought it, but I guess it does explain why I got it for a dollar and it was marked “as is”. Ah, well.
Haiku!
Can’t stop the bum rush.
Don’t even bother to try.
You just can’t stop it.
So, for as long as I can remember, the newspaper that employs me would make its cover page black and white on Good Friday. You know, like they are mourning Jesus’s death an’ all ’at. This year they did not. This proves the newspaper is now Satanist. Proves it.
Why does all the spam that tries to post on my site have to be so complimentary? I’m constantly deleting comments about how interesting and wonderful my site is. Of course, since it isn’t such a great site, at least I can rationalize it by reminding myself that I am deleting lies.
Haiku!
The very best pie.
It has crust that tastes like gold.
And filling like tin.
I realize now that that pie doesn’t really sound so good… But I can’t argue with haiku.
I have just discovered that John Swartzwelder’s Frank Burly novel this year is to be called “The Last Detective Alive” and it will be released this Spring. Sweet. Anyone who likes absurdist comedy really ought to be reading the Frank Burly novels.
