I have been recieving an abnormally high number of static electrical shocks lately. Way more than is typical. When I mention this to other people, almost all of them state that this has been happening to them too. What can this mean? Global Warming is a hoax. The real crisis is Global Static Increase. This will surely kill us all, even me, unless we do something about it. I don’t know what that something should be, but I hope it involves rubbing balloons on my head and sticking them to walls. Balloons are awesome. They’re thin plastic filled with air!

Some pizza delivey guy was on the elevator today and he said “It sounds like you have an American accent, are you American?” I’m not. But about a year ago, when I took over new staff at work one of them said something along the lines of “We were trying to figure out your accent, is it French?” and I can remember something years ago about someone somewhere also asking about my accent. What is it about my way of speaking that sounds so foreign? At the very least I am hoping that the pizza guy hated Americans and would have slain me had I been one, because that would mean I avoided that fate.

Finally, last time I showed you a page from the Fun And Games section of my now abortioned magazine. The second page of the Fun And Games section was not made up, but it was written. It would have been a full page of text. Here is what it would have said:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

You helped a necrophile escape justice?
Think of the families of his victims!
You sicken me!

Around the beginning of the year, I happily foreshadowed something called the Ape Slave Trading Manual. This was going to be a little magazine thing put out by Marq and myself in which we could write/draw/do pretty much whatever nonsense we wanted and nobody could stop us even the President. I was really excited about the whole thing.

But Marq lost interest pretty quickly (even though it was his idea in the first place) and I have to face it, it’s just not going to happen. But I don’t want to waste all the stuff that would have gone into the magazine, so I am going to start bringing it to you here. Some of it (like the main photo story which was never finished and my article about how happy I was to have a magazine) will be lost, but I’ll salvage what I can.

Today I bring you what would have been the “Fun and Games” section. A maze!

On the plus side, maybe now that I am finally willing to admit my dreams of the magazine have been crushed, I will be able to write for the site here again. That’s a plus…

I still don’t have any working email. Which sucks. I like having email. It makes me feel like a real man. And I need as many things as I can get that make me feel like a real man. Because if I have enough of them, it might become true.

In other news, I am pretty sure that a series of viking warships are planning to encroach upon your borders and eat you. I’d keep an eye on them if I were you. Seriously. They’re bad for you. They’re vikings.

It’s sad how often during the week I will have something in my head that I just have to put on my website so that it’ll be interesting again. But then I only get around to writing anything every four or five days I never remember what I wanted to say.

Clearly I must pay for this stupidity. And so, I will see if I can’t get an article up in the next few days. And since I don’t have access to Contains2 at the moment, it’ll have to be a new article. Not that there’s anyone here to be reading that’ll demand a new one, but I’ll be here. I’ll know.

I can’t tell what color the back of my head is. I assume it hasn’t change since I last saw it in a mirror, but I really haven’t got a way to be sure.

Also, for all I know I have a sign on the back of my head that says “Kick Me”, but I don’t feel like checking. Because if there isn’t one, I’d feel pretty stupid expending energy to check something like that, eh?

And finally I realize it has been months since I’ve written anything or even moved one of my old articles to this site. I suck, but I intend to rememdy that soon. I’ll grab an old article later tonight even.

At no point did I give you permission to read this sentence. You just went ahead and did it. But I don’t mind. Not really.

There is nothing that makes me madder than an atomic maddening machine being pointed at my face. That really gets me angry.

Cannibalism is the most efficient form of eating other humans. I’ve tried other ways and they just don’t work as well.

Just because loud is a word that means loud, doesn’t mean that the word itself is loud. It can be spoken softly.

Someday people will have revenge on the planet. Until that time comes, we’ll just have to put up with it.

This is the last part of this post. I know this, because I wrote it.