Shocking News

I have been recieving an abnormally high number of static electrical shocks lately. Way more than is typical. When I mention this to other people, almost all of them state that this has been happening to them too. What can this mean? Global Warming is a hoax. The real crisis is Global Static Increase. This will surely kill us all, even me, unless we do something about it. I don’t know what that something should be, but I hope it involves rubbing balloons on my head and sticking them to walls. Balloons are awesome. They’re thin plastic filled with air!

Some pizza delivey guy was on the elevator today and he said “It sounds like you have an American accent, are you American?” I’m not. But about a year ago, when I took over new staff at work one of them said something along the lines of “We were trying to figure out your accent, is it French?” and I can remember something years ago about someone somewhere also asking about my accent. What is it about my way of speaking that sounds so foreign? At the very least I am hoping that the pizza guy hated Americans and would have slain me had I been one, because that would mean I avoided that fate.

Finally, last time I showed you a page from the Fun And Games section of my now abortioned magazine. The second page of the Fun And Games section was not made up, but it was written. It would have been a full page of text. Here is what it would have said:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

You helped a necrophile escape justice?
Think of the families of his victims!
You sicken me!

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