Here’s a thing about PDR: I hadn’t been to the dentist in the entire time I have had this site. Even if we count Contains2! Basically, I hadn’t been to see a dentist since at some point in my late teens. I’d estimate it as being about twenty-five years since the last time my teeth have been professionally cleaned.

There are plenty of reasons for it. Foremost is the money. Dentists are expensive and most of those twenty-five years were not times I had a lot of money. But even during my brief era of having cash, I didn’t go. I always took pretty good care of my teeth, I though, so was it needed? I’m generally nocturnal, so making dental appointments is annoying. Probably there was some fear of dental pain in play, but I don’t know. In any case, decades pass faster than we want them to.

A couple months ago one of my teeth broke in half. Basically, I couldn’t remain indifferent, it was time to go to a dentist. So last Friday I finally got in there for a checkup. The news wasn’t great. Five cavities and two teeth that need to be removed (including that broken one, of course). Sure, it’s 25 years worth of dental problems all at once, but it still feels like a lot. It definitely made me doubt that I was actually taking good care of my teeth in all that time.

But yesterday I had my first dental cleaning in all that time. This time it felt like I got a better response. The hygienist tells me that my teeth actually did not have as much buildup as would be expected in all that time. Sure, still five cavities and two teeth that need to come out (scheduled for the 31st), but hey, at least those hole-ridden teeth don’t have a lot of buildup.

Let’s just hope that the money lasts for a while…

I have been brushing my teeth for decades. I have been using this one sink in my apartment for something like nine years. After all that time and all that experience, when am I going to stop spitting on the faucet? This happens at least once a month.

In the interest if keeping track of all the dream cliches I manage to experience I will point out that I had a nap today in which I dreamed my teeth were falling out. I’ve always heard that that is one of the very most popular dreams people can have, but I’d never had one so far as I can remember.

Full disclosure: My teeth didn’t actually fall out, but they were trying to and I had to keep my jaw clenched so they would stay where they are. I was all talking through my teeth while trying to arrange a dental appointment. That counts right? Right? Yeah, probably that counts.

One thing that sucks: When you bite into something and it turns out to be crunchy, but you didn’t think it would be. I don’t know, like, ice cream or something. You’re expecting a regular dose of soft serve and suddenly your teeth are crushing something. No, this has not happened to me. I just thought of it for some reason. If it does happen to me soon, this paragraph proves that I am psychic.

Haiku!

Hamburger tango!
Can you not feel the glory?
Today is Friday.

My Internet is running slowly just now. I wonder if twenty thousand doctors are all trying to log onto the Internet at once for medical advice about some sudden epidemic of a disease where people’s hair has nerve endings in it. That would cause Internet slowdown.

Anyway, that’s it until I’m back from the New York.

I was told by my mother this week that I had an almost full mouth of teeth by the time I was a year old. From the context it would appear that this is impressive. I now consider it one of my first superhuman powers.

Can you, like, rent your soul to Satan? Like say I give it two him for a week (but it has to be back before midnight) and I get a weeks worth of my wish? Like I could have Superman powers for a week but I lose them at midnight when I get my soul back? Of course as a soulless man I might use Superman powers in a totally different way than I want to, but it’ll be an interesting experiment nonetheless.