The Bee Man of Alcatraz is a beekeeper and a criminal introduced in an episode of Scooby Doo and Guess Who. Unfortunately, he is only seen at the beginning of an episode, at the end of some off-screen adventure that is being wrapped up in media res. He is unmasked as Bob the Beekeeper.
You might think that this minor appearance would mean I have very little to work with for this review. Not so! We’re talking about a Scooby Doo villain here. I am an expert reviewer of Beekeepers and I have watched an awful lot of Scooby Doo. My knowledge of the abilities of the former and the beloved formulaic nature of the latter mean that I am more than qualified to piece together this tale.
Bob was definitely a beekeeper who worked on or near Alcatraz Island, and he probably had knowledge that there was some manner of secret treasure left behind in the museum that was once the infamous prison there. Perhaps some relative was once a prisoner there and buried it, who can say, but he was definitely looking for something in those walls. He couldn’t very well hunt for treasure with tourists and employees milling about all day, so he did what any criminal would do: he concocted tales of a monster to frighten people away, giving him time to look for his prize. He went with a bee-theme for the monster because that’s what he knows, and it allowed him to use things like wax and bees as part of his ruse. I expect his costume actually allowed him to fly as well.
I think it is a safe bet that when Mystery Inc. showed up Shaggy and Scooby were frightened. There was probably some wax left behind as a clue. It’s quite likely he chased the Mystery Machine around for about the length of a pop song. I figure at some point he tried to sting something and the stinger got caught. And in the end, he was captured in some clever trap.
To review, he’s a beekeeper successful enough as such to be called “Bob the Beekeeper” which means he’s probably at least kind of good at that job. It’s unfortunate he turned to crime, but the fact he has no apparent henchmen means he’s got skills. Those skills aren’t enough to get one over on Scoob and the Gang, but there’s no shame in losing to such an esteemed team of crimefighters.
3 Honeycombs out of Five. It’s worth noting that Bob did not have a speaking role in the episode, so the makers of Scooby Doo definitely need to bring him back, voiced by me.
It’s no secret that I’ve run out of the iconic Canadian Heritage Movements to review. They still make some, but they weren’t burned into my head the way the old ones were. And with broadcast television having been supplanted by space-age interstreams and downloadable content pills and whatnot, so there’s no way the new the current generation is being inundated with Canadian propaganda. I’m pretty sure that the only people who actually watch the new ones are people who actively seek them out.
So, while I may not have any sentimental attachment to today’s piece of propaganda, I have to admit I like it. It’s set in Antwerp for a start, and that’s one of my favourite place names. It’s about Icelandic-Canadians and I’ve always liked that Canada and Iceland are decently close and wish we were closer. It’s about winning the first gold medal in Olympic hockey, which definitely feels like something Canada should have done, so I’m glad they did. And it mentions a World War but isn’t one of those nationalist tracts that makes victory in war the big selling point.
And honestly, if this one aired during my childhood, I bet I could would have had bits of the dialogue seared into my brain. I could envision a world where I could walk up to a fellow and say “It wasn’t easy growing up on Sargent Avenue” for no good reason. And really, that’s what these things are actually for. With that in mind, I’ll give this one Four and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake.
Harrison Wilton is a beekeeper that appears on a television show called American Horror Story. The season in which he appears has the subtitle “Cult” and that is appropriate, because Harrison is a cult member. And it seems to me that what drew Harrison to the cult in the first place was a typical case of Beekeeper Rage. In general he was unhappy with his life and his job and that led to Rage that manifested especially as paranoia. He built up a massive gun collection because he was worried the government was going to take away his rights. When the power went out in the area, he immediately assumed it was a terrorist attack. He’s clearly the kind of guy who worried a lot, and a cult leader came along and was able to take advantage of that. It’s a tragedy.
It’s a shame especially because I think he could have been a good beekeeper otherwise. Like the best beekeepers, he would wax poetic about the inspiring insects: “A hive is the perfect natural community because every single member of the hive is completely committed one hundred percent to a singular task. There’s no arguments. There’s no complaints. There’s no ‘me’. I admire them.” In addition to the beekeeping, he was a personal trainer at a gym, which indicates the kind of healthy lifestyle of a good beekeeper and suggests (along with his gun collection) that he may have actually been decent at Beekeeper Combat. And on occasion he seemed nice. He offered candles to his neighbours during a blackout, for example. Granted that may have been part of the cult’s plot, but I expect he would have been capable of such kindness before the cult as well.
But he never got to be the kind of beekeeper he should have been. The cult lifestyle led to his murder by chainsaw. And while that’s a metal way to go, it’s still not ideal. And that’s the true horror story here, America.
Geez, this is a dry one, isn’t it? I mean, I get that what happened to the Acadians was crappy and we should learn about it and all that, but I don’t go to Canadian Historical Moment things for a simple history lesson. I want lines that will be burned into my head until the day I die.
Maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe if this one had aired every hour when I was a child watching unlimited television I would pepper conversations with “The men were called to a meeting” but I sure don’t think so.
The production values in this one are good. That’s more than I can say for plenty of other ones. They could have done a movie with these sets and costumes and such and maybe that woulda been great. But as one of these Heritage Minutes, it doesn’t impress. I can’t go above One and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake and that’s almost all for how it looks.
The question I need to tackle in this Beekeeper Review is this: Is Dr. Bees even a beekeeper? Here’s what we know about Dr. Bees: His real name is Dr. Miles Manners and he’s a beelologist and he is the wasp-themed superhero known as the Striped Stinger. But he has a secret identity. He is Dr. Bees! In his own words, Dr. Bees is a “masked vigilante with a load of bees, dedicated to saving mankind.”
Dr. Bees’s costume has a hive built into it, and he keeps bees in jars and briefcases just in case he comes across any problem that he might be able to solve by the judicious application of many bees. His bees seem healthy enough, so perhaps he is capable of beekeeping. But, if anything, he seems less interested in keeping bees than in giving them away.
In a follow-up cartoon we learn that Dr. Bees also has a comic book based on his exploits. When he’s told to tone it down on the bees, he argues that “Bees are my art!” The guy likes bees, I’m saying.
It’s shaky ground, but right now, based on the fact that he’s generally got bees around when he needs them, I’m willing to say, Dr. Bees probably counts as a beekeeper.
Oh right, but even if he is a beekeeper, he’s inept. His use of bees never actually saves the day. In both cartoons he’s dead by the end. Why, I almost suspect that the whole point of these cartoons is what an absurd joke he is. Sorry, Dr. Bees, but we take beekeepers seriously around these parts. I guess I can’t give him more than a minimal rating.
One Honeycombs out of Five. Bee-theming is not enough to count as a good beekeeper.
