Phone Guys #311




Nice Pals
Over on planet Yeskobegg there is a species that call themselves the Nice Pals. They are quadrupeds, radially symmetrical, with a large sense organ on the top of their heads (their primary sense is not sight, but similar enough that we’ll call that organ an eye). Around the eye are six appendages that can protect the it, since there is no eyelid equivalent. There are also six appendages surrounding the bottom organs (including mouths, a nose, and retractable waste tube).
The Nice Pals believe in giving things positive names. They call themselves “Nice Pals” because they hope that will encourage them to exist in friendly terms with the rest of the universe. Offspring are given adjectives that the namers hope will encourage them to act well in life. While that makes some sense, as the names are meant to remind one how to act, it has also carried on to a more superstitious aspect. For example, there is a species of animal in Yeskobeggan oceans that they have named “Hopefully Won’t Eat Us”.

A significant percentage of the population of Nice Pals serve their communities as latherers. Scrupulous Hiip, one such latherer, spends the work cycle applying foam to the walls of Nice Pal structures, which both cleans and strengthens them. Scrupulous Hiip, like most other latherers, does the work because it is easy and does not require a lot of training, and there are so many latherers that they have one of the shortest work cycles on the planet. This allows for a longer pleasure cycle, and that’s what Hiip prefers.
Friendly Twill is a settler who has travelled to a remote region of Yeskobegg and is trying to establish civilization there. It has not been easy, the region is cold and rocky and Nice Pals have not yet developed seagoing vessels strong enough to reach its shores. But Twill toils hard, digging wells and building shelters in the hopes that others will come and help with the work, making it all worthwhile.

Honest Biot is an inveterate liar, but feels bad about it. The pressure of living up to one’s name is powerful, overwhelming even, and Honest Biot can’t take it. Life is hard. Lying makes it easier. None of that is Biot’s fault, why is it Biot’s problem. Just because of that stupid name assigned by a parent that didn’t even know Biot yet. How Biot hates the name, and that parent.
A Fact About Nice Pals: Though the Nice Pals do try very hard to be nice, theirs is still a society in which personal matters are occasionally solved by duels to the death. When a disagreement arises, one Nice Pal will challenge the other and the other must accept or lose the esteem of the rest of the community. Duel specifics vary across the planet, but most commonly the challenged party gets to choose the details.
Universe: Indigo


Ootmoos
Ootmoos are a thick-skinned bipedal species who are a big part of the pan-galactic community. Ootmoos are active in almost all of the universe-spanning social organizations that have been formed over the ages, including the Space Army, the Space Trade Union, the Space Pollution Removal Force, the Space Alliance of Piano Repairers, and even the Space Social Organization Organizer Organization. Ootmoos are everywhere, working to make a better Space for everybody. They have no blood, they can breathe underwater, they shed their skin once a year, and they like collecting pictures of clouds. Every Ootmoo in existence likes collecting pictures of clouds.
The Space Army’s Pooloop was an Ootmoo. Since the end of the war, Pooloop has been living on the planet Zarnton, seeking inner peace.

Roodintoo is a young Ootmoo, merely six skins old, who is working at a spaceship factory. Roodintoo has never known any work but this, and isn’t really unhappy, but kind of feels like something is missing. With that in mind, Roodintoo has begun assembling a personal spaceship in their spare time, with the intention of travelling the cosmos once it is finished.
Ooverro was a Space Army captain during the war with the Flartians. Ooverro’s ship saw a lot of combat, and Ooverro lost many good crew members. All the crew members knew the risks, and obviously the Flartians had to be stopped no matter the cost, but those deaths still weigh on Ooverro’s soul. To make sure that their sacrifice was worth it, Ooverro now dedicates time and resources to repairing and improving the homeworlds of those lost crew members.

Toobooni still lives on the Ootmoo homeworld, which is called Voot, and has a very successful career as a singer. The Ootmoo languages, which would sound to our ears like a bunch of very fast hooting, is extremely complex and allows for advanced wordplay. Plus, every word has an “oo” sound, so rhyming is easy.
A Fact About Ootmoos: For a long time, the Ootmoos reproduced by laying their eggs inside the corpses of their enemies. When the species became a peaceful ally to other aliens, that was often frowned upon by others. Since then the Ootmoos have perfected compost mixtures that are actually more ideal for laying eggs than corpses ever were, which makes one wonder why they even did the corpse thing for so long. (The answer is because it freaked out their enemies, of course.)
Universe: Bronze
Today I got my first parking ticket! And oddly, for someone currently employed in the food delivery industry and therefore making several illegal park jobs every night, this happened on my own time. I went into a store for roughly three minutes, only for the store guy to point out the person writing me a ticket. The ticket was issued at 4:21 pm and apparently at 4:00 pm that space becomes a no parking zone. I assume this is a thing to help out in rush hour. Rush hour is one of the many reasons people who go out in daytime on a regular basis are idiots.
Anyway, this is all fair enough. I get away with plenty of parking I shouldn’t at night, so I can take a hit, especially since it was only $25. But as I continued on my way, I noticed that one of the places at which I can pay off the ticked was on my route. I could stop off there and get the ticket paid a mere ten minutes after it had been issued! That would be fun!
I got to the place. There was no parking. There was, however, a truck parked in a No Parking zone. “Hey, if it’s good enough for that guy” I say to myself…
I run inside, but the place has apparently closed about half an hour earlier, so I run back to the car. Parking officials are there already writing me another ticket. Luckily for me, when they see me coming they decide to let me off the hook, so I avoided the humiliation of getting a parking ticket while paying for a parking ticket. But just barely.
Anyway, I don’t have these problem at night. All you diurnal people have too many rules. I paid the thing online and we’re all good now.
(Also, I’m counting this as a post worthy of the PDR vs The Police tag. It’s my site so I can do that if I want to.)