And note that this is the last of the 2016-2017 season of Phone Guys. Next week, a new season begins.

Kurndens

The planet designated “01.000” doesn’t know how it came into existence, but it does know lots of things. It is a fully inorganic world, a giant machine that, as far as it knows, has always existed as such, though it understands the unlikely nature of that. In recent times, it has decided to create life, biological life, from scratch, mostly for its own entertainment and experimentation. The results had, for a long time, been rudimentary, but now it wants more. It wants to create a biological entity with enough intelligence to actually converse. To provide new thoughts to the planet that has thought on its own for so long.

Kurnden was the first Biological Intelligence that 01.000 created, originally calling it 02.000. The lifeform, a four-legged creature with tusks, was designed to use sound to communicate and eventually began to develop words for things that 01.000 had not thought needed designations, including giving itself the name Kurnden. It greatly enjoys philosophical thought and discussing the nature of existence, which is exactly what 01.000 was looking for in a companion.

Wanting to replicate the success of the original, Kurnden 2 was cloned from the first, though the process was slightly physically defective. The planetary computer detected these flaws and planned to terminate the creation before it was born. Kurnden argued this, saying that the flaws would make the clone different from the original, and that would provide the new viewpoints that they wanted. Kurnden 2’s flaws, unfortunately, include a shortened lifespan. Kurnden 2 knows it will not live as long as it should, and that knowledge of its own mortality does indeed bring thoughts that had not occurred to Kurnden.

Kurnden 3 was created when the computer planet feared the flaws in Kurnden 2 would require a replacement. As a result, Kurnden 3’s perspective is also quite unique, as it simultaneously feels superior to its flawed fellow clone, but is mournful that it’s “sibling” will die. It provides insight to a kind of cognitive dissonance that the other Kurndens and 01.000 are not familiar with.

A Fact About Kurndens: The Kurndens have no means of reproduction and, at the moment, more of them can only be created by the machine planet 01.000.

Universe: Grey

This has come up again, with the release of the new It movie a week or so back, but I just have to say, I don’t understand the fear of clowns thing. I am sure that some people legitimately have a phobia of them, but is it possible that some people who claim to be afraid of clowns are just kind of… hopping on the bandwagon? Because that is what it feels like to me.

Picture this: It’s late at night and you’re in your home at the edge of the woods. You hear something outside and you see someone standing at the edge of your property. They’re holding a machete, making threatening gestures, yelling obscenities, and dressed as a clown. In this scenario, the fact they are dressed as a clown is the least scary thing on the list, and that is how all depictions of scary clowns feel to me.

But anyway, that’s just some off-the-cuff thoughts on why I am not scared of clowns. But the real reason for this post follows: I checked my little site here and I can not find a joke that I thought up a long time ago. Possibly it was on Contains2, but it is just as possible I have never written it down. For posterity, this joke must be recorded.

What is the funniest side of a clown?
The suicide.

The Mentarrids

The Mentarrids are a race of psionically powered aliens. Their physical forms are essentially just life support systems for their massive, complex brains, with eight stumpy legs help them graze the fields of their high gravity world, Torrascad. With almost no threats to their bodies on the homeworld, the Mentarrids are free to project their consciousnesses into the mental realms. Through this medium they have made contact with intelligences from other worlds and even other dimensions and realities. Most of the time the Mentarrids are more powerful than the others, being almost like natives of the mental realms, but unlike the true natives, they have a physical form to which to return when needed.

Fast Brain is a Mentarrid noted for being especially perspicacious. Wizards and astral projectors from all over the multiverse come to Fast Brain to answer vexing questions, and Fast Brain obliges because such puzzles are quite enjoyable.

Not all Mentarrids are kind to those they meet in the mental realms. Thought Spy, for example, has a tendency to steal information that other beings would prefer to keep secret and either sell it to those who are interested, or blackmail the victims with the threat of such sales. Since currency is not of much value in the mental realms, Though Spy prefers to be paid in servitude. Those who owe Thought Spy are asked to perform tasks in the physical worlds, the purpose of which Thought Spy has not revealed.

Astral Guide is a people person. When a mind wanders into the mental realms but is not quite as skilled at traversing them as a wizard might be, Astral Guide will offer them help finding where they need to be.

A Fact About the Mentarrids: Torrascad is the only planet to develop complex life forms in its galaxy. Were it not for their mental abilities, the Mentarrids may never have realized that other intelligent life exists. The remoteness of their world has definitely helped to keep them safe from invasion by other species.

Universe: Brown