Once, a man was working in a factory and Satan appeared before him. “Man,” Satan said, “I will give you five bucks if you make me a sandwich.” The man considered the offer and decided to go through with it. The sandwich was alright, but not great. And that’s why Satan only accepts souls in trade these days.

And that’s what I have to say for today.

Okay, after tonight I have two days off. I’ll try to accomplish something with those that justifies my love for myself.

I fell asleep early last night and ended up sleeping for twelve hours or so. Normally I’d be bothered by how much time that takes up, but I was lucky enough to have a bunch of strange dreams in that time, so it wasn’t a complete waste.

First I dreamt that I was back in high school. Not the high school I actually went to, but some made-up dream high school. I didn’t do the work I was supposed to do and the teacher was so disturbed by that that he asked me “What are you?”. Before too long I dropped out and spent the remaining bulk of that dream cleaning out my locker and packing more than two backpacks of goods to take home with me.

After waking up a little bit I fell back to sleep and this time some guy wanted me to meet with him at a local hospital that was apparently located in a mall. I had to take a bus to get there and I was apparently not too interested in actually going to meet this guy. So I was dilly-dallying at the bus stop. Some guy who was going to the same place I was was also there. Across the street from us, waiting for a bus going the opposite direction was Robin Hood. So we were hanging around the bus stops talking when suddenly Robin Hood warns us about something. We turn around and see a bunch of flying horses heading our way. The dream used some sort of cutaway to a scrapbook to introduce me to the people riding the horses, a group of celebrities, plus the guy who wanted me to meet up with him. It seems he had somehow detected my lack of desire to meet with him (and it seems the celebrities were part of that meeting) so he was now out to kill me and the other guy at the bus stop. We both ran down the sidewalk and I’m pretty sure Robin Hood got trampled when the horses swooped in for us. There was some sort of cabinet on the sidewalk and me and my fellow runner tried to hide in it. That’s pretty much it.

I’ve heard that you can tell a lot about someone from their shoes. On the bus home today, I saw this guy whose shoes had both laces and velcro. The laces were tied but the velcro straps were hanging open. I don’t know what that is supposed to tell me about that guy.

As for my own shoes, I have two pairs. My steel-toes ones, black and all beat-up and stuff. And my other ones, black but with cool bright green laces. What does that tell you about me? I couldn’t begin to guess. I think whoever made that saying was an expert on shoes. He’d be able to tell minor things that a layman like myself cannot, and a moron like yourself also cannot.

For the record, my current work schedule is supposed to be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday day shifts, night shifts on Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Tuesday off. Now, while this Tuesday I had to work, I generally have been doing well with this schedule.