History’s Top Ten Frog-Related Moments

10) In September of the year 1667, several German farmers reported a mass migration of frogs from the river on one side of their village to the other. They pondered this for several days until, having continued drinking from the first river, they all died of lead poisoning. Somehow, the frogs knew before it happened.

9) A group of frogs were hunted and killed by Vikings in Newfoundland at some point before people knew about Newfoundland. Then the Vikings were tired from spending a day killing frogs, so they were easily killed by other Vikings.

8) A court Magician to King James was said to have kept two frogs in his pockets. When he was using his powers for good, he stroked the back of the left frog. When he used his powers for evil he stroked the right frog. When it was discovered he didn’t actually do this, he was burned for being a witch.

7) In 1904, a man was discovered to have been raised by frogs. He lived on a diet of flies, slept in mud during the winter and spent his nights croaking. When he met humanity and was shown the ways of his people, he was very happy to not be a frog anymore.

6) In 22 A.D., a young Jesus Christ reanimated a frog’s legs by conducting electricity through them. From this discovery, he later found a means of raising Lazarus: MAGIC!

5) In 2003, scientists in Turkey implanted Frog DNA into an unborn child. When the child was born (November 9th of that year), the scientists realized the child tasted the same as a normal one.

4) A frog interfered with the Indianapolis 500 in 1984 by getting trapped under the hood of racer Hop Bradson’s car. Hop’s car performed poorly, but he couldn’t figure out what was wrong until he made a pit stop and the charred remains of the frog were pulled from engine. This ultimately cost Hop the race, which was unfortunate for him, since he owed money to some very bad men. Hop died of broken legs a week later.

3) In a time, roughly 3000 B.C. in the kingdom of Kanjoro, there was a sudden increase in the frog population, which caused many problems for the people of Kanjoro. Not the least of these problems was the entire destruction of their kingdom.

2) The decisive battle of the Franco-Prussian War was delayed after one of those “rains of frogs” happened right over the battlefield. All involved were annoyed by the inconvenience.

1) On January 1, 1997, a lone frog entered a hospital in Ney York City. The hospital was filled with a tired staff and injured drunks, so the frog’s journey was unnoticed until it found its way to an operating room where a man was having brain surgery done. Before anyone could stop him, the frog leapt inside the man’s open skull and took over the human’s form. Rising from the table (and putting on a hat, to cover the open head-hole) the frog made the body knock several orderlies to the floor as it ran out of the hospital. The man was last seen running into the Lincoln Tunnel. Neither he nor the frog have been heard from since.

This would go down in history as “The Day Frogs Got Scary.”

Patrick D Ryall, the D is for Benumbed
Originally placed on Contains2 September 25, 2005

  1. You forgot that story of spontanously combusting frogs from about a year ago. Or was it toads? I can’t recall.

  2. I’m sure that exploding frogs were training to be suicide bombers. It’s the only logistical explanation.

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