Yesterday was Canada Day, and Pat is still in China, so to celebrate these three nations we’ve decided to combine them all. Somehow. I’ve yet to determine how this is going to be a good idea, but whatever. In fact, I really have no idea how to include Patrick into this as a nation, other than this being his co-opted website, but hey, keep watching.

• The Canadian Open (golf tournament) + Chinese Checkers = one messed up game. Think about it.
• Chinese fire drill** + Canadian goose = watching a bunch of geese in a flying V going south for the winter: stopping in mid-air, loop-de-loop and circle around each other for ten seconds, then getting back into formation and flying off as if nothing happened.
• The Canadarm + “China has a space program?!” = the Chinarm, wherein we can now have gigantic robot arm wrestling in space. The future is sweet.
• China Syndrome + Canadian whisky = alcohol so potent, it burns itself into the ground. They probably have that already. I wonder what they call it.

Wow. That was harder than it looks, and I’m fresh outta ideas. Not to mention, I couldn’t figure out a way of including Pat in there. Sorry, country-dude, but you need to beef up your exports, or something.

** For the record, Wikipedia says “thus the expression ‘Chinese Fire Drill’ is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.” I beg to differ. Whoever happens to witness such an event would (hopefully) be amused, or confused, or both. That’s gotta be worth something.

Celebrating the world,
–me.

To quote the scriptures “No man should carve a hole in his own home, for this is a sinful act punishable by fire and total immasculation. Furthermore, if you have to carve a hole in your own home, do it at Seven O’Clock so God will be busy watching primetime television and won’t notice.”

That’s real scripture. Look it up.

Beyond that, nothing to say. So go away.

I hate my job. It’s probably not healthy how much I hate my job. I have the same constant dull headache and sensitivity to light that bothered me all through school, but at least there were some things about school that I liked. I hate my job. And I don’t get Summer off anymore.

I want to quit, but then I’d have to start some other job where I’m not paid as much. And loathe though I am to spend a life for no reason beyond acquiring wealth, that seems to be how this society wants me to go about this.

But I can say that a certain local newspaper is lucky I’m not half the pyromaniac the congregation of St. Andrews Catholic Church believed me to be when I was a child.