NOTE FROM 2019 PDR: I recently had cause to be playing around on the Wayback Machine site and noticed there was some Contains2 stuff on there. Here is a piece I put on that site Thursday, 27 June, 2002, 11:08 PM:

I realized something recently that sickened me. I’m prejudiced against people who are bigoted, which is ironic or something. In the efforts of making amends with all those bigoted persons who feel I may have wronged them, I am offering them twenty new stereotypes they can use as fuel in their constant battle against whoever else.

1. The Irish love Mountain Dew so much they routinely kill tourists and steal their money to get it.
2. The entire population of South America believe in the Loch Ness Monster.
3. All Americans wear poorly stiched hats that clash with their shirts.
4. All black people spend at least an hour a day practicing Multiplication with Flash Cards.
5. The Italian people have larger nipples than most.
6. All Jewish people dislike A Midsummer’s Night Dream, but they all love MacBeth.
7. Canadians brutally kill anyone who talks about Dan Akroyd in public.
8. All white people drink urine.
9. The Chinese are casually indifferent to kittens.
10. The Australians killed Jesus.
11. French people all ride DeLorians.
12. Gay people are secretly trying to make straight people eat more canned foods.
13. All English people are bad at Tetris.
14. Russians are addicted to pills made from sheep innards called Haggidol.
15. All lesbians are afraid of asteroids destroying the Earth.
16. Catholics all smell like bowels.
17. Japanese people are all poor and spend what money they do get on helicopters.
18. Arab people are terrible at breakdancing.
19. Mexicans are all impotent due to years of working with radiation.
20. Ethiopians won’t admit when they vomit, even if it happened in front of others.

Patrick D Ryall, the D is for Psyche

ANOTHER NOTE FROM 2019 PDR: I bet this thing gets me some site traffic I don’t actually want.

The question I need to tackle in this Beekeeper Review is this: Is Dr. Bees even a beekeeper? Here’s what we know about Dr. Bees: His real name is Dr. Miles Manners and he’s a beelologist and he is the wasp-themed superhero known as the Striped Stinger. But he has a secret identity. He is Dr. Bees! In his own words, Dr. Bees is a “masked vigilante with a load of bees, dedicated to saving mankind.”

Dr. Bees’s costume has a hive built into it, and he keeps bees in jars and briefcases just in case he comes across any problem that he might be able to solve by the judicious application of many bees. His bees seem healthy enough, so perhaps he is capable of beekeeping. But, if anything, he seems less interested in keeping bees than in giving them away.

In a follow-up cartoon we learn that Dr. Bees also has a comic book based on his exploits. When he’s told to tone it down on the bees, he argues that “Bees are my art!” The guy likes bees, I’m saying.

It’s shaky ground, but right now, based on the fact that he’s generally got bees around when he needs them, I’m willing to say, Dr. Bees probably counts as a beekeeper.

Oh right, but even if he is a beekeeper, he’s inept. His use of bees never actually saves the day. In both cartoons he’s dead by the end. Why, I almost suspect that the whole point of these cartoons is what an absurd joke he is. Sorry, Dr. Bees, but we take beekeepers seriously around these parts. I guess I can’t give him more than a minimal rating.

One Honeycombs out of Five. Bee-theming is not enough to count as a good beekeeper.