Can’t really think of anything good to say, so instead I will proved status updates on PDR for everyone who follows his life:

Hey, remember how I was fighting a particularly tenacious wart on my left index finger? Well, as of January I have been able to say that I have won that battle. I suspect that I could have had that wart beaten at least six months earlier. I suspect that what I was dousing with Compound W for the last few months was not the wart but just callouses left by the constant warfare. Go figure.

I doubt I ever got around to mentioning it on this site, but another battle I have been waging for a few years was this melody I had a slight memory of but I couldn’t figure out what song it was from. Well, I finally figured it out. It was “You Won’t Dance With Me” by April Wine. Probably the reason I couldn’t find it sooner was that I was certain the song I was looking for was from the 50s. Oh well. I know better now.

Haiku!

You can’t break an egg
Until you tell it some lies.
That’s just how it works.

Final PDR update. I am pretty sure I am a werewolf. Hairy shoulders. Mammal. Sometimes I see the full moon. It all adds up.

And that’s that.

So, I just finished reading In Dubious Battle by John Steinbeck. In this book, a character who is a doctor says “Damn it, Jim” and that made me laugh.

The fact that that is all I have to say about this book pretty much shows why I am not a qualified book reviewer. Nonetheless I give it Four and a Half out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. It was an interesting look at things like socialism and mob mentality even without the accidental reference to a program that aired decades after its publication.

So, last week I totally got an extra half of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in my pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

See?

Do you see?

As you probably know, since Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are awesome and everyone should know how they work by now, the average pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups comes with three individual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups I bought last week had the normal three Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and an addition half of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup! You can kinda see how the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup on the right was a little bit damaged by the extra half of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup which was smushed into the package with it.

Now it is unfortunate that sudden and unprecedented confusion for me on how to get the pictures from my camera to my computer delayed me a week in sharing this amazing news to the loyal public, but sure I couldn’t make such a claim without photographic evidence. People would assume I was just making it up for the fame. But I feel the announcement is not so abated because nothing else of interest has happened to me in the interim to mitigate its importance.

I got an extra half of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup everybody!

Here I am watching Super Why and it would appear that the Super Readers have gone into a comic book invented, apparently, for the purposes of the show called “Attack of the Eraser”. This is an improvement over the usual course for this series, which is to go into a real story and completely butcher its original intent. Maybe they’ve realized that using fictional source material means they don’t have to ruin classic literature?

Yes, I’m writing about Super Why again. I’m twenty-eight years old, why do you ask?

I can still complain about the main character, though. When Whyatt realized they were facing a “Super Big Problem” (his words, it was actually some minor thing that only the Super Readers would even mildly care about) he did what he always does, he uses his little PDA thing to summon his friends, the other members of the Super Readers. But this time They Were Standing Right Behind Him. All of them! Right There! I hate you Whyatt!!!

I do, however, love how the cover of the Attack of the Eraser has this blurb that says “Comic Book!” and I think all comics would benefit from utilizing this blurb.

(Plus, there’s the fact that the Readers live in Storybook Village, which is populated by fictional characters like Little Red Riding Hood, but then they go into stories that are books to them, but also can have characters that live in the village? Are these documentaries? Does this represent time-travel into the past of Storybook Village? What the Chunks is Happening? The Eraser comic is just doubly fictional and that rests much easier in my mind.)

Every time that Dr. Dougie Whitman tried to shoot a bear, the bear flew away. Over the seventeen years since he started his career as a poacher this had happened to him at least forty times. In the beginning he would just walk into the woods and raise his gun and suddenly the bear was soaring through the air and over the horizon. After this had occurred a handful of times Whitman realized that as long as the bears could see him, they were going to fly away. He had to get upon them unawares. First Whitman decided to wear camouflage on his hunting trips. The bears still flew away. Then he started painting his face to blend in to the surroundings as well as his clothes. The bears still flew away. Then he decided to stop shouting swears every twenty seconds as he had been doing. The bears still flew away. He trained in the secret arts of the ninja. The bears still flew away. He learned to stop his body from leaving a scent. The bears still flew away. He learned to go without breathing or blinking for hours at a time. The bears still flew away. He developed invisibility cloaks and robotic decoys. The bears still flew away.

There came a day when Whitman’s boss Poacher Tom called Whitman into his office and sat him down.

“As you know,” said Poacher Tom “poachers get an eighteen year trial period. If they can’t shoot a bear during that time, I shoot them. Now, your trial period is almost up so you have one more chance to shoot a bear. Your life depends on this one.”

So, fearing for his very existence, Whitman returned to the forest and tried to come up with a plan.

His plan turned out to be begging the bear. He walked up to the bear and explained his situation and pleaded that the bear to let him shoot him and bring his hide back to Poacher Tom.

“Nope,” said the bear. “You try to shoot me and, you better believe I’m gonna fly away.”

Whitman curled up on the floor of the forest and cried. The bear shook his head and started walking away.

Just then, Whitman’s Extra Plan began. A large plastic dome fell down from Whitman’s orbital space base and landed on the forest. Suddenly Whitman and the bear were trapped under in a clear unbreakable bubble.

Whitman laughed! You won’t be able to fly away now, he told the bear.

“You forgot your gun,” the bear told Whitman.

Whitman stopped laughing. He checked his holster. He looked at the ground around where he had been crying. The bear was right. The gun was back in the cabin.

“You want to shoot me, you’re gonna have to open the dome. But if you do that, I’m flying myself away.”

Whitman was in shock. He had finally managed to trap a bear, to prevent it from flying, but he had still managed to mess it up. Maybe Poacher Tom was right to shoot him. Whitman lay on the forest floor and looked up at the dome, trying to think of what to do.

No plan came to him and he ended up just letting the bear fly away. He had accepted his fate.

“Well,” said Poacher Tom when Whitman got back to the office, “Looks like I’m shooting you, huh?”

Whitman nodded as Poacher Tom picked up and loaded his rifle. A tear slipped down Whitman’s cheek.

Poacher Tom raised his rifle and took aim.

Then Dr. Whitman flew up into the air and over the horizon. Apparently all the time he had spent with bears had caused him to accidentally pick up the secret of their flight. He hung out with bears for the rest of his happy life.