Today we went and saw Hot Fuzz. You should too.

More significantly we came up with a surefire solution to the problems in Iraq. And everywhere else for that matter. We create a new military force called the Freak Corps. We forcibly recruit the world’s tallest man, any and all cyborgs, a stage magician, a boxing kangaroo, a sumo wrestler, a faith healer, that guy who doesn’t need to sleep, some of that family with the hairy faces, the world’s strongest man, a polar bear, some contortionists, psychic investigators, that guy who tattooed himself to look like a tiger man and anyone else who has cool or freakish powers. And they all wear capes.

This military strategy would solve any and all of the world’s problems.

I was told by my mother this week that I had an almost full mouth of teeth by the time I was a year old. From the context it would appear that this is impressive. I now consider it one of my first superhuman powers.

Can you, like, rent your soul to Satan? Like say I give it two him for a week (but it has to be back before midnight) and I get a weeks worth of my wish? Like I could have Superman powers for a week but I lose them at midnight when I get my soul back? Of course as a soulless man I might use Superman powers in a totally different way than I want to, but it’ll be an interesting experiment nonetheless.

Today I managed to see Grindhouse with Wade. That pretty much makes this weekend a success even if I hadn’t done things the previous day that also pleased me. I despise the fact that I must surrender to my job another of my weeks now when things were just getting good.

I have a new goal in life, but it starts with me being a multi-millionaire. From there I can build an arcade with apartments above for those I like to live in rent-free while we all work to make the world a better place. The downside is I need to be a multi-millionaire for that to work. I don’t know how to be one of those.

Anyone wanting to help me start a make-PDR-a-multimillionaire fund can take their money elsewhere though. Help the world. That just cuts out the middleman that I represent in that scenario.

At any rate, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I really don’t.

I just got the invitation to Kip’s wedding. This invite to his upcoming nuptuals are more proof than any other thing ever that Kip is a great big queer gay fag. Though the invitation clearly doesn’t come from Kip himself because it is for Patrick plus Guest. Kip probably knows better than most people that I’m destined to live and die alone.

In other news, I joined the damn Facebook. Sigh. I’ve become a semi-conformist.

And I had other things to say, but I’m in way too many MSN conversations to think of them right now. So go away.

I just watched this movie called Zombie Nation and once again I have to question my “watch anything with zombies in it” lifestyle. It was not good. Like, worse than House of the Dead…

So there’s been a great big shooting in the States. It may be tasteless, but my first thought upon seeing the news was “Thirty-One, that guy did way better than most of them.” Of course it is a tragedy and all, but that’s what I thought.

And about the seventh or so thing I thought was “I hope that prick wasn’t wearing a trenchcoat”. I don’t need another one ruining my image.

I was originally all “Nah, I’m not going to join Facebook,” but it seems like everyone I know is on there, especially people that I have not got any other way to keep in touch with. Maybe I should join that damn thing. Maybe.

Haiku!

Break some robot skulls.
If we don’t kill them, we die.
Today is the day!

In other news, there is no Idaho. It’s completely made up.

In preperation for my father’s wedding this Saturday I’ve got:

• A haircut.
• A shave.
• New dress shoes.
• A new suit.
• A new fedora.

I think that’s everything. But I still feel like I’m missing something.

Now, I’m a slovenly man. There’s no denying that, but in a way I do enjoy getting dressed up all fancy now and then. It’s kinda impressive how I can go from looking like a homeless guy to being a halfway decent looking fellow. If only they made fancy looking suits that I could pull on like a t-shirt. And also they had short sleeves. And logos for like cartoon characters and stuff on them. And also I like to wear jeans. And more comfortable shoes, possibly with bright green laces. Also I’d have to do something about shaving and getting haircuts…

But I still partially like getting all dressed up.

Cab Driver: “It’s like I always tell my wife, I’ve got the willpower of an earthworm.”

Me: “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Cab Driver: “I don’t know.”

So, vision is funny, huh? It’s like having a painting of our surroundings made of light stuck in front of our pupils all day long. Hearing is funny too. But less so. Taste, touch and smell aren’t really all that funny.

Eventually we’ll all be flying. One way or the other.

Television screens are a damn lot harder to smash than I ever would have thought. I took four swings at it with Huitzilopotchli Broadbent (that’s my baseball bat) and it wasn’t even cracked. Wade took a couple swings too and it did not care. It wasn’t until we smashed the frame and came at it from behind that we finally were able to break glass.

From that point on the thing was a wuss, so when the televisions rise against us, don’t make the mistake of going for the screen. Unless it was just that model that had an unusually solid glass covering… I may have to do more research.

Haiku!

Got no ovaries.
I’ll just have to live with that.
Until I buy some.

I was certain we were done with the snow here was over and done with, but we must’ve got seventy-five metres worth today. Or something. At any rate we got a lot of snow and I didn’t expect it. Between this keeping me from wanting to go outside and yesterday being a holiday so most everything was closed I may have to write this weekend off as sub-mediocre. Except for that television-smashing. That was cool.

I have been doing a little better with having a social life this last week or two. Only a little, but anything is improvement. Now to do something about my work ethic (that is for things other than my job) and I will have it goin’ on.