Top Ten Reasons To Beat Your Spouse

10) It makes you feel all tingly inside!

9) “When I drink I get abuse-y. And I can’t not drink. It’d be bad for the economy.”

8) In that movie that guy beat his wife and he was sooooo cool. You’ve got to be just like him.

7) You have to keep up with the neighbors.

6) He or she is between you and something else.

5) It’s instinct. If dinner isn’t on the table, you’ve got to eat something, so naturally you begin hunting. They’re lucky you don’t cook them.

4) He or she keeps talking and you can’t hear your conscience telling you not to.

3) “I’m not sure if she really loves me, if I beat her and she doesn’t leave, I’ll know it’s meant to be!”

2) It’s wrong to hit the kids.

1) Everyone knows that a man who doesn’t beat his wife is considered less manly than one who does!

Patrick D Ryall, the D is for Rodentia
Originally on Contains2 on Saturday 12 February 2005

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