Sure he gave back the site peacefully, but I have to set an example or I’ll have people taking over my site every time I take a shower and stuff, y’know…

Since I have no idea when Patrick is coming home, if it is today or two days from now, I might as well concede and give him back his website. This, however, does not admit defeat. On the other hand, it is with complete annihilation looming that I am surrendering. How silly and frivolous of me to think I could do such a thing and get away with it.

I took apart the vacuum. Like, completely. And all I had to do was wash out each part in warm water. Just like that, new vacuum! If, oh, let’s say computers were made like that, we’d all be travelling back and forth to Mars already. Because that’s how awesome we’d be. Terraforming the red planet and everything.

Gotta go kick a raccoon outta his temporary home. Also, to commemorate this time well spent, let us not forget the wonderful banner that I made:

Beautiful, ain’t it?

Save the best for last,
–me.

Looks like we’ve been found out, and we’re most likely going to be punished when Pat gets home. Oh well. He’s going to have his hands full with Francesco anyway. I’m not dealing with that surly raccoon again.

And apparently I forgot it was Kip’s birthday, which is a cardinal sin or something, but that means Kip is as old as me now, so sinning should be fine at this point. For him and for me. Because we’re old, or something. Older than Pat, now, but his birthday is also this month, but he doesn’t like announcing that fact, so this is probably going to be censored. Boo! Censorship for censorship’s sake! Just because he has a printing press and I don’t. Totally not fair.

And I also don’t know when he’s coming home, because he told me the eighth before he left, but I found out that Terry will be home on the tenth, and Pat was coming home with him (but not on the same flight or something), so I may get a couple more days out of it? Maybe? It would be good since I am still trying to clean up parts of the apartment, but it’s been slow going since the vacuum became a teenager, or something. It just refuses to pick up stuff. Needs a new filter, or something. But darn, if I don’t like rearranging things. Also forces you to clean up, really clean up. Or something.

Be kind to children and small animals,
–me.

Yesterday was Canada Day, and Pat is still in China, so to celebrate these three nations we’ve decided to combine them all. Somehow. I’ve yet to determine how this is going to be a good idea, but whatever. In fact, I really have no idea how to include Patrick into this as a nation, other than this being his co-opted website, but hey, keep watching.

• The Canadian Open (golf tournament) + Chinese Checkers = one messed up game. Think about it.
• Chinese fire drill** + Canadian goose = watching a bunch of geese in a flying V going south for the winter: stopping in mid-air, loop-de-loop and circle around each other for ten seconds, then getting back into formation and flying off as if nothing happened.
• The Canadarm + “China has a space program?!” = the Chinarm, wherein we can now have gigantic robot arm wrestling in space. The future is sweet.
• China Syndrome + Canadian whisky = alcohol so potent, it burns itself into the ground. They probably have that already. I wonder what they call it.

Wow. That was harder than it looks, and I’m fresh outta ideas. Not to mention, I couldn’t figure out a way of including Pat in there. Sorry, country-dude, but you need to beef up your exports, or something.

** For the record, Wikipedia says “thus the expression ‘Chinese Fire Drill’ is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.” I beg to differ. Whoever happens to witness such an event would (hopefully) be amused, or confused, or both. That’s gotta be worth something.

Celebrating the world,
–me.

Just thought of something. I have made a lot of weird little rinky-dinky PHP programs over the years that do something random: create a new name for you out of your original name (like those ones that give you your gangster name, or stripper name, but cooler than those things); randomly displayed images based on certain criteria (or, just completely random images, I like random image scripts); or … a third thing.

But what if I write a script that randomly creates recipes? Would anyone be amused by that? I know I would. It would be even more amusing if somebody tried one of them out, just for kicks. It would be downright hilarious if they didn’t know it was randomly created, and thought it was a legitimate recipe for actual foodstuffs. I wonder how gross it would taste. I can imagine it tasting pretty gross.

Just thinking out loud,
–me.