A recap: A Devil has created a contest in which those who are suffering in his hell can fight for their freedom with magic helicopters. Last week we saw the good guys, this week: the jerks.

Senator Warmonger

This man’s political career was based around his status as a war hero. But he had not been a good solder, he had been one who gloried in battle and killing. Going into politics hadn’t been his idea, he was not a smart man, and he quickly found himself in over his head. As he became a public figure, the truth about his service was at risk of coming to light, so he did a deal with the Devil to keep the story from breaking. Now, in the Hell of Copters contest, he is provided with a powerful helicopter armed with missiles, guns, rockets, napalm and whatever else the Warmonger can imagine (and he can only imagine war).

Bloodquake

During his life, Bloodquake was a serial killer. As such, he was no great prize for the Devil, his soul is worth little, but nonetheless the Devil enjoyed his work. Bloodquake’s sleek helicopter is outfitted with various blood-related powers (high-pressure blood cannons that knock targets off course and blind them, for example). What’s more, when he causes harm to others he regenerates damage that he has taken.

The Little Cold Lady

The Little Cold Lady was once a young woman full of life, warmth, and energy. But when she noticed she was aging, she got scared. Selling her soul for youth and beauty, she looked good for the rest of her life. But now she’s dead and she’s old and cold. This is a cruel punishment for the woman, of course, but it does come with ice powers that let her freeze opponents and cause snowstorms and so on.

Haxanna

In the days of the witch hunts, many innocent women were persecuted and killed because accusing them of being witches sure allowed some jerks a chance to kill people. Haxanna though was an Actual Witch in service of the Devil. She had nothing to fear from the witch hunts, because she had Actual Witch Powers. Still though, she did die eventually and her service to the Devil meant she wound up in his hell. But now she gets to fight for her freedom with a helicopter and spooky witch powers, including her ghost cat familiar and homing flying broom.

Vtolzebub

Unlike the rest of the Hell of Copters combatants, Vtolzebub is not a human soul fighting for freedom. He’s the Devil’s own son, desperately trying to win his father’s attention by crashing to contest. Rather than having a magic helicopter, Vtolzebub can actually transform into a fleshy demon helicopter. His shapeshifting powers allow for all kinds of fun attacks, but he can also spit acid and fireballs. General demon stuff.

In case it isn’t clear, I think Hell of Copters should be a video game. Somebody give me a ton of money to make this.

There is a certain Devil who has been making contracts with humans for a few centuries now and has acquired enough souls that he’s pretty well off by devil standards. He’s rich, in fact. But now he’s kinda bored. Tricking humans into selling their souls has lost its lustre for him. In his quest to find something different in life, he hit upon an idea: He would take some of those suffering in his hell and give them a chance for freedom. The Devil provided them with new physical bodies, with magic powers and helicopters, and with codenames. The selected souls would have to fight one another, the winner getting to go free for all eternity!

Voiceless

Voiceless sold his soul for musical talent. He had a good career as a blue musician while he lived, but in the end his soul went to the Devil’s realm. There, he was rendered unable to make music at all as a punishment. But now that he’s part of the Hell of Copters contest, Voiceless can make music again. He still can’t sing (hence the name), but his special helicopter attacks include sonic shockwave strums and scrambling sonars with harmonica riffs. He fights for his freedom so that someday he might be able to make music again, without it being a weapon.

Darkgirl

Darkgirl was just a silly teenager when she decided that selling her soul to the Devil would be rebellious and cool. She’d always liked horror films and dark imagery, so she wasn’t scared by the Devil in the least. But of course, he was just using her affection for darkness for his own ends, and Darkgirl fell for it. It was a damn shame, but now, in her reconstructed body, she has the ability to control darkness. From her shadowcopter, she can cast solid darkness attacks at her foes, blend into shadows, and stuff like that. With her freedom, she’ll be able to make up for the mistake she made falling for the Devil’s lies.

Gibberer

The Gibberer was a promising physicist when he was young, but he was hungry for knowledge. Greedy for it, even. He sold his soul to the Devil to learn things that humanity was not yet ready to know, and as a result went mad. He spent his remaining years in an asylum, his potential wasted, and his experience in the afterlife has been much the same. But now, in the Hell of Copters contest, he pilots a high-tech chopper with lasers and teleportation devices and tractor beams, finally using his scientific knowledge instead of simply muttering ideas to himself over and over.

Princess Greenelf

Another one that the Devil got young. This young lady got involved with the world of Role Playing Games, which as we all know, meant that she would wind up losing her soul (Jack Chick tried to warn us). But for the contest, she has been given the bodily form of her game character, the Druid Princess Greenelf, and she has all the magical nature powers that the character possesses. Greenelf pilots a fancy wooden helicopter and has control over the weather and plantlife, as well as fancy magic arrows.

Hot Mama

The Devil gave Hot Mama the codename “Hot Mama” as a cruel reminder of her circumstances. In life, she was in a bad car accident with her two children in the back seat. The car became quickly engulfed in flames and it was then that the Devil pounced, making a deal with her. Her soul for the safety of her children. The kids lived, but she did not. And now the Devil taunts her, reminding her that this Hell of Copters contest is the only way she’ll ever see them again. Her powers are all based on fire. Heat rays and fireballs and such. Will it be enough to reunite her with her family?

These characters are essentially the “Good Guys” of the Hell of Copters contest. While everyone is fighting for their own freedom only, these are the sympathetic ones. Next week, let’s have a look at the ones who we would call the bad guys.