All week I’ve been talking about worries I have about going back to school apart from money. Well, the last one is money. I’m so worried about money it even shows up on the list that explicitly excepts it.

My financial state has not been good this year, that is for sure. As you may recall I even went so far as to get a roommate to help with rent because I wanted to climb out of debt (that hasn’t worked, by the way, what with the roommate apparently deciding that paying rent was optional and leaving half-eaten plates of food around would suffice). So here I am, kinda screwed. Still in the worst financial state I’ve ever been in and I’m quitting my source of income to go to school, which I have to pay for. Not the wisest plan.

I have no idea how people afford things. People out there have cars and smoke and drink and can apparently pay for all these things somehow. People have pets and children that do nothing but drain their resources. I don’t get it. At the job I am leaving I made a pretty decent amount of money, but it never seemed to get me anywhere. After rent and bills and stuff, I made enough to occasionally buy a dvd or a book (though not as often these last few years). I guess I did travel about once a year, but always as cheaply as I could. And anyway, it seemed like that was always coming out of credit, rather than ever being the result of any amount of money being saved. I’ve met people who can go on week-long trips at least yearly, whereas all but two of my trips in the last five years have been crammed into weekends without missing work. No monetary progress has ever been made.

I guess a lot of the people out there have people helping them, spouses or families who also have an income to help out. But still, it seems like I should be climbing out of this hole faster than not at all. I know I pay a lot for rent, so that’s a big chunk. I also give a little to some charities every month. That takes up a little of the money too. I am lucky that I don’t eat much, but when I do eat it often includes restaurant takeout and fresh produce oranges/apples/grapefruit/melons. That stuff probably adds up. I have always tried to pay back more than the minimum payments on my credit card, but the debt just grows and grows. Every time the statements look good some other fee comes out of nowhere and keeps me from getting closer to paying anything off. Are those four types of expenditures enough to use everything I earn?

And if they are, how am I going to manage without the money I make now? It looks bad.

Continuing my attempt to look on the bright side I find that the bright side of this is pretty bittersweet. First of all, I’ve cut my charitable donations by more than half. That makes me hate myself all the more, but it will probably be helpful. I always credited those as the reason for getting so much back on my income tax, though, so I sure hope I don’t end up with less coming back to me, or worse, owing money.

Another sad victory, Amazon has told me it can’t find a copy of the Black Panther Masterworks to give me. It’s good because it saves me like forty bucks, but also it is sad because I want to own those comics.

Perhaps I have to look for this silver lining from a different angle. How’s this: I’ve got a paying job now, which means I can just barely afford to buy a laptop before I go to school. So I did that yesterday. I have a new laptop. I’ll talk more about that in the future.