National Bookorderin’ Day 2012

Okay, so, with the release of the latest Swartzwelder novel, the Million Dollar Policeman, I have declared National Bookorderin’ Day in the Nation of PDR. But this year I have a complication: I already bought my books for this year. I did it months ago.

So, in addition to my new Swartzwelder, I’m getting the Black Panther Masterworks, which collects that characters appearances in Jungle Action. I’ve read these some time ago and they were quite excellent. Even saving a bit for a sale price, I’m paying more than I ought to spend these days, but owning this is going to make me happy, so there’s that to consider as well.

On top of this I got the cheapest of the used copies of the Space Quest Companion, which as far as I can tell is a prose retelling of the Space Quest games narrated by Roger Wilco. I would like to read that.

I will not be buying more books this year. This is all the money I can spend.

  1. If you have your own nation you can declare it a new year whenever you want.

  2. Well since I don’t have twitter I need to get this out here.

    If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one

    I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
    Foes that wanna make sure my casket’s closed
    Rap critics they say he’s “Money Cash Hoes”
    I’m from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those
    If you grew up with holes in ya zapatos
    You’d be celebrating the minute you was havin’ dough
    I’m like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
    If you don’t like my lyrics you can press fast forward
    I got beef with radio if i don’t play they show
    They don’t play my hits i don’t give a shit SO
    Rap mags try and use my black ass
    So advertisers can give ’em more cash for ads, fuckers
    I don’t know what you take me as,
    Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
    I’m from rags to ritches niggas I ain’t dumb
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
    Hit me

    99 problems but the bitch aint one
    If you’re havin’ girl problems i feel bad for you son
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
    Hit me

    The year’s ’94 and my trunk is raw
    In my rear view mirror is the mother fuckin’ law
    I got two choices y’all pull over the car or (hmmm)
    Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor
    Now I ain’t tryin’ to see no highway chase with Jay.
    Plus i got a few dollars i can fight the case
    So I…pull over to the side of the road
    I heard “Son do you know why I’m stoppin’ you for?”
    Cause I’m young and I’m black and my hats real low?
    Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don’t know
    Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo’?
    “Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo’ ”
    “Liscense and registration and step out of the car”
    “Are you carryin’ a weapon on you I know a lot of you are”
    I ain’t steppin out of shit all my paper’s legit
    “Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?”
    Well my glove compartment is locked so are the trunk in the back
    And I know my rights so you gon’ need a warrant for that
    “Aren’t you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something’?”
    “Or somebody important or somethin’?”
    Nah, I ain’t pass the bar but i know a little bit
    Enough that you won’t illegally search my shit
    “We’ll see how smart you are when the K9 come”
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
    Hit me

    If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
    Hit me

    If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one
    Hit me

    Now once upon a time not too long ago
    A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe
    This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy
    But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me
    I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord
    Pray for him, cause some fools just love to perform
    You know the type loud as a motor bike
    But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight
    The only thing that’s gonna happen is I’ma get to clappin
    He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain
    And there I go trapped in the kit kat again
    Back through the system with the riff raff again
    Fiends on the floor scratchin again
    paparazzi’s with they cameras snappin them
    D.A. tried to give the nigga shaft again
    Half-a-mil for bail cause I’m African
    All because this fool was harrasin’ them
    Tryin to play the boy like hes saccarin
    But ain’t nothin sweet ’bout how I hold my gun
    I got 99 problems being a bitch ain’t one.
    Hit me

    If you’re havin’ girl problems i feel bad for you son
    I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one

    • I consider a compulsion to enumerate one’s problems a problem in itself, for the record. Anyway, someday I will write a rap and it will be better than that.

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