I’ve wondered that too…

Hey, you know what is awesome? When I was getting on the elevator to go see Kip earlier today and just I was getting on a little boy (about four years of age, I would guess) and his father were stepping off. The little boy looked up at me then asked his father “Why is he really tall?” It was awesome. His father apparently had no reply.

You’ll note that I mentioned Kip just then. I would like to clarify right now that I am mentioning him in a poor light. That’s right, Kip. I am disparaging you. Suck it.

So, remember a few months back when I thought that I’d lost all the cable networks that I don’t pay for? Well, it appears that I was too quick to assume that someone had noticed I was getting an odd assortment of things I’m not meant to. It turns out that the cable was just unplugged and I’ve still got them all. So I am back in the business of being able to flip through the channels as a form of relaxation.

Shame about how there really isn’t anything good on them.

  1. Assuming there’s still 70 channels in our television spectrum, here’s how it breaks down:

    • * 30% of the channels do not work at all
    • * 7.14% of the channels are in French (one fuzzy, four clear)
    • * 7.14% of the channels are sports-related (one fuzzy, four clear)
    • * 14.29% are somewhat there, but either bad reception or no audio make them basically unwatchable
    • * 1.43% are repeated channels (Global shows up on another channel, all fuzzy-like)
    • * 25.71% are fuzzy but otherwise watchable (of content other than French or sports)
    • * 14.29% are crystal clear channels (of content other than French or sports)

    Also: Pie Chart!

    Television Channels

    So maybe I was wrong about how many sports channels there were, but look at that chart. According to this, over a third of the channels that exist are something watchable (either fuzzy or clear), and — if we include the sports and French channels — over half of the channels that are out there on the “basic” cable are available. Neat-o.

    Finally, for the curious, the ten channels that come in crystal clear, that are neither sports-related or broadcast in French, are as follows:

    • [03] Shop TV
    • [04] PBS (WGBH from Boston)
    • [05] The Shopping Channel
    • [06] Global
    • [14] Spike
    • [15] Infomercial channel
    • [16] A&E
    • [56] TVtropolis
    • [57] Star!
    • [70] APTN (Aboriginal Peoples Television Network)

    So, “something watchable” is a loose term.

  2. Holy Chimps! I feel like I just got pie charted in the face.

  3. Kip!? Where? In town? I’d love to see that guy. And you, Pat.

  4. I find your use of my name disrespectful, because of this I’m going to change it to Kiiip for future purpose. PDR will you please take note this and make all subsequent postings with the usage of said name reflect the new standard.


    Kip. CEO and President of Kip Inc. Phd Kipology. Futurist.

  5. MUTHAH FUCKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Yeah, Tucker. I’m in town. Kiiip is in town. It’s a good time for the town. Something will have to be worked out.

    And Kiiip, I am respecting your namechange, but not respecting you. I am calling you a fool.

  7. Well, Marq is moving this weekend and I assume I am helping with that. Next weekend I don’t think I have anything, though. And who knows about Kiiip?

  8. So how do I contact you, Pat? You can email me if you like – as webmaster you can see my email address, I believe.

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