They say “Time heals all wounds” but it also makes us age and die, so, you know, screw time.

I can’t wait until someone invents a shower curtain that keeps ghosts from getting in and laughing.

Take your favorite movie, replace the protagonist’s occupation with “skeleton hunter” and now you’ve got a better movie.

Am I the only one who would like seagulls better if they didn’t chant “Satan will eat you, Patrick D Ryall” every morning?

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