Did you know that before being executed, you have the right to grow the facial hair of your choice? Choose a long grey beard and you’ll win!

8:40 AM - 14 Dec 2012

It’s “Adam and Eve” not “Adam and Steve”. Thus, I only support marriage for couples named “Adam” and “Eve”. Anything else ruins society.

2:15 AM - 13 Dec 2012

If any billionaires out there want to be rid of a million dollars, I will gladly take it, no questions asked. It’s cool. You can trust me.

5:54 AM - 12 Dec 2012

The number of people who have told me that they are the least racist person there is, is mathematically impossible.

7:06 AM - 10 Dec 2012

I’ve just confirmed my suspicion that I forget to take stickers off apples. I wonder how many I’ve eaten, counting the half of one just now.

9:49 PM - 06 Dec 2012