Sometimes I remember that posting my opinion of movies is a perfectly valid use for a website.

So Marq and I saw the new Star Trek movie the other day. I’m going to preface this by saying that I enjoyed it. I have to clarify that because it is basically all complaining from this point on:

I’m going to try to avoid spoiling the movie, but I must say that my biggest complaint is one that I and many others predicted. I went in accepting that this was the case, so I was actually thinking for some time that I liked the way they were going about it. They’d taken what I didn’t want to see and were showing it in such a way that I thought “Hey, they’re doing it differently than I expected, so that’s good” but then it all came crashing down.

I thought the point of the whole movie time-travel reboot relaunch thing was to do things in a new way for a new generation of viewers. The cast of the new movies is definitely good enough that I want to see them doing their thing. Their own thing, specifically. Large plot points in this movie are only significant in their relation to old Star Trek stuff and I think that that is a shame. At least, I suppose, now that they’ve shot their wad for this particular plot they will get to do something new next time around (Note: I will pay Hollywood as much as Ten Canadian Dollars to make a movie based off the Frog of Fortosia).

Secondly, I know I’m just a cranky old man, but can we have movies rely just a little less on setpieces? It really takes me out of movies when I have thoughts like “Did this fight scene really need to happen on a flying car?” I fully accept that plenty of people will just say that I don’t like fun, and those people are probably correct, but I stand by it. If a fight scene is meant to have emotional importance in the narrative, you shouldn’t have to try so damn hard to dress it up and make it interesting.

Finally, I honestly hope that this is the last movie I will ever see in which someone is hanging over a ledge, clinging on for their life and at the exact second they lose their grip someone appears to grab their hand. Honestly.

There’s at least two other things I consider worthy of discussion, but they’re both give away even more of the plot, so maybe I’ll get back to those some other day.

So I said to Marq: “I bet I could convince a kid that hippos are just female rhinos.”

Though I only meant that I’d trick the kid for a conversation or so, he proceeded to plot out a brilliant scheme in which a billionaire might be able to raise a child in such a manner as to think this fact was true. He then took that to its logical conclusion: At some point, this victim would realize that something was up, and would try to escape. I decided that this is the best idea for a movie I’ve ever seen.

Just imagine it! An action-packed thrill-ride of our young protagonist careens from chase scene to chase scene, swordfights through exotic locales, and tracks down every lead to find out the truth that has been hidden so long. The truth that hippos are not just female rhinos.

Okay, Hollywood. We’re ready for millions.

Y’know, I sometimes forget to note the minutia of my life on here, which is insane because that is the ostensible reason for this site’s existence. So here I go:

On each of the previous weekends I saw a movie. First was the Hobbit, which I watched with Kip. Secondly, Django Unchained, which I saw with Marq. If these wind up being the only movies I see this year, I will have had a good year in theatres (That scenario is entirely possible, of course, since I can’t afford to see movies. Those ones were paid for by the fine fellows I was with).

Haiku!

It’s Gandalf Unchained!
Coming soon to cinemas!
But your tickets now!

Apparently a local theatre recently had an incident in which a man stood up during a screening of Django and began yelling at the audience calling them sinners and such. According to what I read there were about twenty minutes left at this point. The way I see it, the timing of the outburst makes it much worse for both sides. By this late in the show, the audience really paying attention to the thing. We’re talking the climax here. An interruption at that point is not going to be well received at all. And if the guy wanted to get his message out not to watch the movie, he should have done it much earlier, so that they would have time to get out. Man, I would be so much better at creating a scene in a movie theatre than that guy.

I’ve been reacquainting myself with Ghostbusters lately and I feel I have to admit something: Peter Venkman is my least favorite Ghostbuster.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love all the Ghostbusters, so that means I even love Venkman. Do not doubt this. The thing is, I love the other Ghostbusters so much more. I can make a case for each of the other Ghostbusters to be my favorite*. Ray’s childlike sense of wonder and the enthusiasm and general goodness is immediately endearing. Egon’s unflappable, deadpan nature and near-robotic devotion to his science always makes me laugh. And Winston has got that pragmatic, level-headed everyman thing going that makes him more relatable to someone like me, who loves science but can’t really do it. All three, I love.

Peter though. He’s slimy (And not just post-meeting Slimer). Dana even compares him to a game show host in, what was not meant to be a flattering light. Now, obviously, I am aware that this is the point of the guy. This is what makes him amusing. And I am amused. Bill Murray did it brilliantly and you don’t need me to tell you it. But I don’t connect with the guy. This is all the worse considering that, really, Peter is the star of those movies. There’s an ensemble cast, but really Venkman is the lead. Of all the Ghostbusters, he’s the only one who has a real arc, the other four just dealing with the plot, Venkman’s relationship with Dana is the real meat. It does not hurt the movie, though. I watched Ghostbusters twice this month and it is basically a flawless movie as far as PDR is concerned.

*Note that I am talking Primary Four Ghostbusters here. I am fully aware of the many other Ghostbusters who have found various roles over the course of the expanded universe of cartoons and games. But they’re not what I’m discussing here. This is about the first four.

Speaking of the cartoons, one of my earliest memories is of a morning when I was in primary. I was getting ready to go to school and I was twirling a comb around in my hair trying to replicate the bizarre pompadour they gave Egon in the cartoon. I knew style when I saw it. Perhaps it was my failure to achieve that look that has left me so disillusioned with hairstyling.

Anyway, I guess I just had to get that out. Sometimes one must talk about Ghostbusters.

Okay, today we’ve got the construction of a railroad across Canada. They need to blow up some stuff with nitro, a highly volatile explosive, and nobody white wants that kind of risk. WHAT IS A CANADA TO DO? Wait, I know! Chinese! An immigrant worker steps up to take the risk for some danger pay and, even when the nitro blows up on him and the insensitive guy with the awesome beard says “Well, get another one”, the Chinese worker stumbles back out to happily try again! The piece ends with the man telling the story to his (I assume) grandchildren, mentioning the sheer volume of Chinese workers who died making the railroad, because they were less than he.

It’s like, sure, a lot of Chinese workers died to make the railroad, but hey, our friend here, who we’ve come to know and like, is fine, so it is all good! It turns out that this guy is like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable and he used his super durability to make the money needed to pay boat, got his wife to Canada, and started making progeny so he could tell his story. The tragic numbers of people who died doesn’t seem so bad when we look back with a survivor. In a way, this is a true fact of history. All tragedy is less terrible as time goes on, a lesson Canada needed to know. That is what we’re supposed to take from this one, right?

Anyway, to the review. Let us see now. This spot has a message of respect for a minority group and it includes an explosion and one of Canada’s apparent first superhuman citizens. All told I think I can give this one Four and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. Is it racist that I really like the style protagonist’s hairstyle in the his youth? I’ll get out here just in case.