I just had, my own self, one of those dreams where inside the dream you wake up but you’re actually still inside the dream. In this case, I probably should have realized I was still dreaming because of little facts like that it was Halloween (except actually it was 6 AM the following morning, but kids were still out) and instead of living on the tenth floor, I was on the third or so. Also I was growling constantly and unable to stop, making me think werewolf.

Prior to waking up the dream had been some sort of videogame style adventure I was on that I don’t remember all that many details except that I blew up a bridge after having successfully made a deal with a lady criminal mastermind simply by not being willing to steal the microchips I was supposed to steal from her.

Yesterday was Canada Day, and Pat is still in China, so to celebrate these three nations we’ve decided to combine them all. Somehow. I’ve yet to determine how this is going to be a good idea, but whatever. In fact, I really have no idea how to include Patrick into this as a nation, other than this being his co-opted website, but hey, keep watching.

• The Canadian Open (golf tournament) + Chinese Checkers = one messed up game. Think about it.
• Chinese fire drill** + Canadian goose = watching a bunch of geese in a flying V going south for the winter: stopping in mid-air, loop-de-loop and circle around each other for ten seconds, then getting back into formation and flying off as if nothing happened.
• The Canadarm + “China has a space program?!” = the Chinarm, wherein we can now have gigantic robot arm wrestling in space. The future is sweet.
• China Syndrome + Canadian whisky = alcohol so potent, it burns itself into the ground. They probably have that already. I wonder what they call it.

Wow. That was harder than it looks, and I’m fresh outta ideas. Not to mention, I couldn’t figure out a way of including Pat in there. Sorry, country-dude, but you need to beef up your exports, or something.

** For the record, Wikipedia says “thus the expression ‘Chinese Fire Drill’ is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.” I beg to differ. Whoever happens to witness such an event would (hopefully) be amused, or confused, or both. That’s gotta be worth something.

Celebrating the world,
–me.

So I was supposed to get this package from FedEx last week and they showed up twice, each time around 12:30 in the afternoon and I was, of course, asleep. They left a note saying the package would be returned to sender, though upon calling I was told I should be able to drive out to the company’s office or whatever and pick it up myself.

At first I blamed my own hours for being the reason the package failed to be delivered, but upon retrospection it occurred to me that most normal folk would be at work at 12:30 in the afternoon, so they would not have received their packages either. It’s totally FedEx’s fault. FedEx bites.

I assume the package is the gift I got for my mother for Mother’s Day. I guess that means she’ll be the one driving me out there to get that thing.

Haiku!

Behold the Mummy!
He can bench nine hundred pounds.
Also, he has guns.

What else? Let’s see…
If science is so great, then why can’t it tell me which way is up?

I go on a trip to New York City on Friday! As I pointed out to Marq, if we consider New York to be the underworld I am going there on Good Friday and returning on Easter Sunday. I’m just saying is all.

Haiku!

I am not Jesus.
If I was I’d have powers.
Wish I had powers…

I have never been outside of Canada’s borders, so this will be a first. Also, I will get to miss a day of work. I never have a problem with that.

I was totally planning to write a story about some guy having a really bad Leap Day, but then I overslept (something like TWELVE HOURS!) and I now have no reason to do that story anymore for Four Years. And by then we’ll be up to our armpits in apocalypses. Oh well, someday I’ll write something about someone who missed out on Leap Day and regrets it.