I remember a year in my early twenties, I don’t remember which year exactly, but it was around 2003 let’s say. During the course of that year something happened to me twice: I was told that I don’t chew gum. Yes, specifically that. Two times within a year, or close to it, I was chewing gum and someone who I felt knew me pretty well saw me chewing gum and reacted with surprise saying “You don’t chew gum!” One was my father, one was a close friend. They both saw me chewing gum and it clashed with their view of how I am supposed to act.

Even at the time, I thought it was strange. I was demonstrably chewing gum both times they said it. They were clearly and provably wrong. But it got into my mind that I’m not the kind of person who chews gum. So I stopped. It’s one of the very few times that peer pressure got to me, because it was insidiously packaged not as someone encouraging me not to chew gum, but simply stating that I didn’t.

Anyway, that father and that friend are both gone from my life now, and I’m a middle-aged man who is trying to find some way to pull his shattered mental self together. What have I got to lose by chewing gum? It turns out I enjoy it. It comes in flavours! It can be minty or taste like watermelon or whatever! That’s cool! It makes my teeth feel nice! I think it actually even helps me focus a bit!

Patrick D Ryall is a gum chewer! Update your file!