This weekend I got to visit the merry old land of Winnipeg. It was a great weekend for being there as well. I had been leery because the previous weekend was apparently snowy, but this weekend was pure goodness weatherwise. Just some of the things the weekend gave to me: Experience in navigating corn mazes, a chance to see District 9 in a theatre for cheap, seeing a building with Louis Riel’s name on it and just generally adding to the number of places in this world that I’ve been lucky enough to see. (Oh, and I got to hang out in the company of two cool people). Not bad.

Having spent my weekend with travel, I didn’t get a chance to make a new Adventure Dennis as I might have done. In its place I’ve dug up Abominable Hairman vs. Thompson, a flash cartoon from Contains2 and put it back on the Internet where it belongs.

Today there is an election in a foreign land. The nation of Patrick D Ryall has to work late tonight because of that fact (though it’ll likely be a night without much actual real work, just more waiting) but the foreign nation can make it up to me by electing correctly. Populace of America: Vote foe PDR. It’s the only sensible choice.

You know, I think, were I American, I’d actually vote this year. That’s something I never did as a Canadian. So far declaring my independence has worked out just fine.

And speaking of being American, the Nation of PDR spells a lot of words the American way, but there are some which me and my spellcheck totally do not agree on. “Traveller” for instance. “Harbour” is another, though generally I favor the “u” dropping in words. A vote for PDR is probably also a vote for him changing the official spelling of random words to the way he likes them with no heed for whatever anyone else says.

I’ve managed to get Swimmer’s Ear. What the chunks? Homeboy can’t even swim! And yet here I spent the last day and a half with what feels like a tablespoon full of fluid in by my anvil and hammer and other tiny bone.

Apart from the fact that it occasionally gets painful (as I tried to sleep last morning for example) the primary problem with Swimmer’s Ear is that it blocks sounds like an earplug and that has the effect of amplifying inside-head noises like crunching or swallowing or that constant swearing voice that we all try so hard to block out.

Anyway, I can officially state that I’m not a fan of Swimmer’s Ear. You’re all amazed to hear it.

Haiku!

Duck language is hard.
Too many words sound the same.
Ducks should learn English.

I looked up the other tiny bone. It’s the stirrup. No wonder I didn’t remember that. Back when they taught me about the earbones, I probably had no idea what a stirrup was, so it didn’t stick in my mind the way the others did. They really should have taught me about stirrups first. I now officially hate the Canadian school system.

Yesterday was Canada Day, and Pat is still in China, so to celebrate these three nations we’ve decided to combine them all. Somehow. I’ve yet to determine how this is going to be a good idea, but whatever. In fact, I really have no idea how to include Patrick into this as a nation, other than this being his co-opted website, but hey, keep watching.

• The Canadian Open (golf tournament) + Chinese Checkers = one messed up game. Think about it.
• Chinese fire drill** + Canadian goose = watching a bunch of geese in a flying V going south for the winter: stopping in mid-air, loop-de-loop and circle around each other for ten seconds, then getting back into formation and flying off as if nothing happened.
• The Canadarm + “China has a space program?!” = the Chinarm, wherein we can now have gigantic robot arm wrestling in space. The future is sweet.
• China Syndrome + Canadian whisky = alcohol so potent, it burns itself into the ground. They probably have that already. I wonder what they call it.

Wow. That was harder than it looks, and I’m fresh outta ideas. Not to mention, I couldn’t figure out a way of including Pat in there. Sorry, country-dude, but you need to beef up your exports, or something.

** For the record, Wikipedia says “thus the expression ‘Chinese Fire Drill’ is the act of a group of individuals accomplishing nothing.” I beg to differ. Whoever happens to witness such an event would (hopefully) be amused, or confused, or both. That’s gotta be worth something.

Celebrating the world,
–me.

Canada had a banana war as a man at an Alabama gala saw a Panama hat.