Hello, folks! This is not the entity known as Patrick D Ryall, oh no. This is his roommate, Marq, stepping in to wreak some havoc while he is away. I can tell you right now that this is not going to end well. All bets can be placed at our betting booth.

I realize that I may have even less to say than our lovely travelling-nation-man, but I’m trying to remedy that. Of course, I’m doing stupid stuff with my website(s) at the moment, not something that allows me to write or anything. I haven’t done the weblog thing for a good couple of years now (as long as I’ve lived with Pat now; is that a coincidence or what?). Maybe someday his constant nattering about C2! will get me to do something with that, even. But bringing it up here will only give him more fodder to shoot at me when he gets home, so I will mention it no more.

I totally thought of something even more banal to bring up when I took over, something that happened or something I looked at when I was out at Shoppers earlier, something on the current level of Pat’s “blogging”, but now I can’t remember what it was. At all. That was pretty banal. It’s so staying.

It occurs to me that once upon a time when I did the weblog thing for real, years and years ago, and I went away for the weekend, I let Pat loose on it and he just wouldn’t shut up. Seriously. Now the tables have turned! Mwah! Hah! Hah!

Love and Peaches,
–me.

I just found some website that scans websites and generates a movie-style rating for the thing. I got a “G” rating and the only negative comment was the word “gun” was used. I’m sure it only scans the words on the front page and not all the stuff I’ve posted before, but dammit, I don’t want no “G” rating. Fuck that shit. This here post is gonna knock that motherfucking rating out of the park and make it whore itself out to cannibals, fatass! Fuck yeah! Go kill a panda then smoke some crack!

I remembered one of the things that I was going to comment on during those four shitty days without the crappy site working: I read a review of the latest Indiana Jones in which the asshole reviewer complained that “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is too long for a title. That’s a serious complaint? Now I was already someone who preferred distinct titles to stupid simple generic-sounding ones, but this is just too much. Seven syllables is too much for the masses to handle? That’s crap. And bullshit. I mean, it isn’t as though you can’t shorten it to “Kingdom” or “Crystal Skulls” or whatever you want when you’re just talking about it, so what the hell is the problem? We need everything presented to us in fucking soundbite form now? We’re really becoming a species of ass-for-brains. Aren’t we? Shit.

But in the interests of pleasing a bunch of asstarded fuckholing shitsnouts, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to kill all kinds of old movie and book titles and shit and turn them into a bunch of retarded fuckhead-friendly short titles. Here you go, assblasters:

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest = Committed
A Streetcar Named Desire = Bad Times
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde = Dual Nature
The Silence of the Lambs = Murderers
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret = Growing Up
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance = Outlaw Killer
The Bridge on the River Kwai = Soldiers
Judgment at Nuremberg = War Trial
ET: The Extra-Terrestrial = The Phone-Homer
American History X = White Guys
To Kill A Mockingbird = Finchy!
A Midsummer Night’s Dream = Fairies!
It’s A Wonderful Life = Christmas Sucks
The Shawshank Redemption = Jail Movie
The Catcher in the Rye = Hold On, Holden
Beneath The Planet of the Apes = Monkey Caves!
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle = Good Burgers!
The Return of the Jedi = Save Solo!
The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind = Mindfuck!

Well, that’s enough of that shit. I mean, fuck, anyone can see my point already and it’s harder than it looks. Shit.

Haiku!

Jack is a retard.
Fuck! His brain is fucking weak!
Dude can’t think ’bout shit!

It’s fucking awesome how swearing makes a post seem so much angrier than usual. Maybe this is why people fight so fucking much on the Internet. What a bunch of fucking retard shitsmelling cockbags. Maybe I should talk on some shit that actually angers me…

Now for a message to all those out there who place your own selves over everyone else. All the criminals and dictators and assholes and that shit. You cocksuckers are what is wrong with this fucking species. You think that as long as the world sucks your dick then all is Fucking Good? Well, every time you jerkoffs make someone else’s day a little fucking worse, they start to become a little more desperate to make their own lives better and they become a bit more assholey like you. It’s one of those vicious fuckin’ cycles you hear about. Some retarded douchebag wants some money, so he steals some from some poor shitstain on the street, right? Well now that shitstain needs money to feed his family and shit. And he’s all pissed because the douchebag made him a victim and he wants to validate his own ego, so he picks on someone else. The bad vibes spread and some other retarded douchebag things “Hey, this world ain’t fuckin’ fair and I gotta feed myself, I might as well steal shit.” You know? And on big scales like corrupt fucking governments and greedy bitchass corporations? Those bastards cause some real worldwide fucking bad vibes. We get fucking poor people in fucking poor countries who are jealous of the douchebags who take what they need and they want to feed themselves and make themselves not be fucking victims anymore, so they lash out with the fucking bombs and fucking guns and do murders and shit. FUCK! Can’t you douchebags get that into your fucking eyeballs or are your eyeballs covered in love juices from the giant cock of greed that you keep strokin’? Huh? Is that what it is? You guys make me sick! You’re a bunch of fucktastic, retardical shitass Neanderfuck Necrophiles! So fuck the fuck off!

There, now that that swear-filled rant is on the Internet, the world with change. Hooray.

Now let me see what rating that shitsoaked website says the Book of PDFNR gets now.

Well, I actually managed to get a few things done today, both in cleaning my room and here on the Book of PDR.

Cleaning, I have hit upon something that will help. From now on, I’m keeping my clothes on the shelving unit which is easier to get to and can hold much more than the dresser. The dresser, on the other hand, will now contain all the stuff that was on the shelving unit. I rarely need to get to any of it, so it can stay in the drawers. Makes good sense.

And then I took two of my old articles and pasted them here. I mean, sure, I’ve only done one new Article since starting the Book, but at least I’m doing something. Speaking of which, I need to prod Marq into doing all the design stuff here that he’s supposed to do. Poor Marq, the work ethic of a rock, the teaching skills of a rock and if I try and do something wrong he’ll hit me with a rock.

Oh, and before I forget I own an Oppo Rancisis action figure now! It may not be the bo-staff I joined Ebay to buy, but it’s something. And no, I’m not explaining who Oppo Rancisis is. I don’t owe you people with lives anything.

Okay, I just officially announced this thing on the “Parent Company Website.” That means, I’ll have to figure out how I’m doing the Articles here soon. But not too soon, because I have to go to work. Which I’m not loving.

Haiku!

Robot from the Mars.
He can fly and hover a bit.
I wish he my friend.

Though Marq, my roommate, and I don’t pay for cable, we seem to get the channel Global in perfectly clear. Marq says he hates their news. I can’t remember what they play. I know the Simpsons are on there and the Daily Show isn’t. Hmmmm. I guess I’ll continue not caring.

This is the Book of PDR, and I, Patrick D Ryall, am its author. This is where I’m branching out of my parent website, Contains 2!, to focus more on important things, such as myself. I’ll be moving my Articles from there to here once I figure out exactly how I want to go about that. I’ll have something better to say when I officially start this thing up.